I’m not sure what to do. We have been dating over a year and we like each other a lot. She was here on a J1 visa as an Au Pair from Europe and recently changed her status to a student visa. The problem is she is working and also going to college full time since that is required for a student visa. She is getting very overwhelmed with work and school, she doesn’t have any time to do anything it’s just work and school. She’s exhausted so she asked me if I would marry her so she could stop the college and just work while the permanent residence application is in process. She said she looked at all the options before deciding to ask me and says it’s because she is desperate. She said she knows I don’t want to do it but it’s her only option.
I have been looking at other options and it seems like she’s right. All other options take too long or cost too much and she would have to be doing school while the application is in process.
I really want to help her. But I’m nervous to do so because it’s a huge change and a legal change for that matter. Our finances would have to be together, we’d need joint bank accounts, we’d have to move in together all to convince the government we’re legit (we are legit, we would not plan to divorce after her status gets approved I know it’s a federal crime). Also, there’s that thing in the back of my mind that this was her plan all along. That’s really what’s making me think so much about this.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Has anyone here been in this situation before?
TLDR: Girlfriend wants me to marry her so she gets a visa. Don’t know what to do.
8 comments
It’s not necessarily that easy. They do investigate to check the marriage is legitimate.
No
I’d be a bit concerned that as soon as her green card is approved she divorces and disappears. Also, depending on your state laws and how long you’re married you could be paying alimony. Generally whoever makes more money pays, and if she stops working then you’re paying for years after divorce.
I’d personally stay away from this.
You should consult a lawyer to ensure that in worst case scenario she won’t leave you with half of your wealth.
After only a year and not living together thus far, you can’t know whether ypu are truly each other match. With that said if you manage to ensure you will be safe even she would want screw you over then you can go ahead.
Since you have mentioned you consuder it marriage potentially for life, did you talk about the future? Where to live, future work prospects, having children etc. If not then you should, but keep in mind if she needs this marriage she might tell you what you want to hear, so let her express her opinions first.
You’re in a sticky situation here. It sounds like your gf is in a tight spot and needs some help getting out of it. If you’re feeling nervous about the whole thing, that’s understandable. Moving in together and getting hitched is a big deal, even if it is just to help her out with her visa situation.
But here’s the thing, if you’re considering it, you gotta remember that you’re not just helping her out with her visa, you’re also helping her out with her life. She’s exhausted and needs a break, and if tying the knot is the only way she can get that break, then you gotta step up and do what you can to help her out.
Just remember, if you do decide to go through with it, you gotta be in it for the long haul. It’s not just about making the government believe that you’re a legit couple, it’s about being a real couple for real. You gotta be ready for the financial and legal responsibilities that come with getting hitched.
And as for that thing in the back of your mind, about her having planned this all along, well, you just gotta shake that off. If she’s telling you that this was her only option, then you gotta take her at her word.
But seriously bro, this is a big decision and you gotta weigh all the pros and cons before jumping in.
So the question I have is, what would she do if she was single?
Can she not cut down on her classes? At my school you only needed to take 9 credits per semester to be full time.
Also, if she married you she can’t just stop doing to school. She would still need to go to school for her visa or else she would be deported. Her status only changes once she gets permanent residency, which could take 2-3 years. And also, in many cases she would have to leave the country anyway until a green card becomes available.
I would sit down with an immigration lawyer and see how viable this is. But likely she wouldn’t be able to stop going to school. Maybe stop working, but you would have to support her.
I’m pretty sure you’ll have to sign an affidavit of support if you choose this path. You could potentially be on the hook for 10 years.