So I recently joined an online game group where people do jigsaw puzzles together. The way this game works, you need to bring an image from the internet to create the puzzle set.
There is this old man (probably in his late 30’s and 40s)in the group and I noticed today that he brought an image of anime girls that are young and pretty. The picture had a couple of girls that exposed their skin on the upper breast area. The image wasn’t outright sexual, but I still found it a little creepy that an old man brought that picture of his preference to play with others. It just reminded me of a predatory old man who likes young girls.
Although I wasn’t an established member of the group, I decided to bring the matter to the manager of the group first. (Which was a mistake) Cause we also belong to the other group where a similar issue got handled well…and so I expected a positive outcome, even tho the manager wasn’t the same person in this game group.
I was dead wrong.
I told her that I feel a bit uncomforable about this man, and that I just reported the man’s picture anyway even tho the pic isn’t outright sexual (It’s a function in the app) and that I messaged her privately so she’s in the know…
I wasn’t entirely sure she’s going to back me up or acknowledge the matter in the group, so this approach was my way of testing her.
She told me the pic won’t be a problem the way she sees it, and that she feels confused about what I’m talking about. She said that I should’ve talked to the man first. (Why would I wanna talk to someone who’s possibly a pervert?) She said it’s a matter of preference and because the picture is not even outright sexual, she doesn’t think she can talk to the man about it. And that I don’t need to join the game session when the pic isn’t my cup of tea. She also said he could be just innocently enjoying the pic…lol. It just reminds me of my toxic female parent that I cut off.
If it were someone else who shared the pic I wouldn’t have the problem. But she kept taking it as a matter of preference. Is she acting dumb intentionally?
I feel like she could’ve still talked to the man. Acknowledge that someone feels uncomfy by his sharing of his choice of pic. I would’ve done that if I were the manager. So what if the pic isn’t outright sexual?
Was my expectation not appropriate? I don’t care if I was too sensitive or not. I felt uncomfortable, period. And that should be enough of the reason to acknowledge this in the group, am I wrong? Have I become too entitled? Is this not a healthy reaction?
I don’t even care about that man anymore, I just feel so bothered by the manager’s response. She said she will make sure to say sth WHEN the pic is surely too much.
The problem is that other people who are all younger than this man in the group, accept and play with this old man in a quite innocent manner.
I feel so alone and misunderstood. I don’t think finding such a man creepy is an exceptionally abnormal reaction. Am I wrong?
The minute I realized the manager was set to misunderstand me I stopped talking to her and haven’t responded to her “confusion”. What should I do?
1 comment
This is an interesting question, and I think it has a few sides, to be honest.
On the one hand – this was not a sexualized picture that included nudity. An image that has young, attractive women and a little bit of skin doesn’t automatically make it creepy, nor does the gender of the person bringing the picture. Someone isn’t automatically creepy just for being male.
On the other hand – there certainly is a problem in anime fandoms over over-sexualizing young women and pretty much everything ever. So I understand your discomfort, in a way; it would put me on alert.
On the other hand – I think you were wrong to report an image that doesn’t actually break any rules.
On the other hand – I think the organizer was pretty dismissive of your concerns.
On the other hand – I weep for the idea that late 30’s, early 40’s makes him an “old man”. How young *are* you? If this is a group of 15-16 year old teens, yeah, this is creepy AF. If this is a group of adults, not so much.
On the other hand – I don’t think you’re too sensitive, but that also doesn’t mean your discomfort needs to be publicly acknowledged.
In summation, I think I fall here:
I get why you were uncomfortable. I think you went too far in reporting it, but I think you were fine bringing your concerns to the manager of the group. In the end, the group itself and the manager see no issues, so if you have one, it’s on you to sit out that puzzle. This is not a clear cut case of creepiness.