Tried to post this elsewhere but it kept getting removed so I’ll try here.
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Ok, here we go. Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
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My BF and I have been together for 8 years. We bought a house together about 2 years ago. After moving in, we decided to upgrade our bed to have room to be comfortable with our pets sleeping in the bed. We split the cost, and spent about $4,000.00 on it. After sleeping on it for a while we both hated it. We went back to the store and the salesman convinced us it just needed to be broken in and to give it a little more time before returning or exchanging it. A little while later and we still hated it. Then it was too late to return it (I know, the salesman stinks and we were fooled).
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Full disclosure, I’m the one that chose the bed. We both went to the store together but I’m the one that thought this one was great, and I was wrong. But it cost a lot of money so we’ve just been dealing with it ever since.
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A few weeks ago, he tells me he went to a mattress store and tried a few out, and that he found one he thinks we’ll both love and he wants to go try it together. I asked about the price, and it’s about $5,000.00. We can’t really afford to plop that much money out right now, so I told him it’s too much, especially considering we spent so much less than 2 years ago. He said we could finance it, and I just don’t think we should finance something like a mattress if we can’t outright afford it. I just don’t think we should finance something like a mattress. He wasn’t happy, but we ended the discussion and he hasn’t brought it up since.
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Well, a few days ago I woke up with some itchy welts down the back of my legs. I showed him, and asked him if he had anything like a rash or bites and he said no. I thought maybe I was having a reaction to laundry detergent as I’ve had some sensitivities in the past, but I’ve been using the same one for years. I said I thought it might be bedbugs and he said he didn’t think so.
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Bedbug back story – when we were first seeing each other he was working out of town a lot, and I would go to visit him and get a hotel room. One time I booked a pretty cheap room, and it ended up having bedbugs. I got horrible itchy welts but he was not affected. Apparently some people don’t have a reaction to them and he seemed to be one of those people. I freaked out of course and even through away my luggage after that hotel room. End back story.
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So of course I wash everything in the bedroom hoping it isn’t bedbugs. Well today I woke up with more welts. I’m now wondering if he gave us bedbugs on purpose so that we would be forced to buy a new mattress.
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Is it possible to intentionally get bedbugs? I mean, how would one even do that? Buy them off the dark web? Just casually know someone who mentions they have them and collect some? Am I being crazy paranoid? And if I go to my doctor, will she be able to tell me definitively if it is bedbug bites? Am I crazy??
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TLDR I suspect my boyfriend intentionally gave us bedbugs so that we would have to replace our mattress, but I’m not sure that is even possible.
13 comments
This is awful bcs even if he didn’t, you’ll always wonder
The timing is so suspicious. If this is true, he’s cost you more than 5k, you’ll lose everything you own that is cloth and he’s an idiot of Bliblical proportions.
I’d get an exterminator to come check asap and worry about blame later – I have no idea how you’d prove it and when he realises the damage he’s done he’s not gonna admit it.
I mean, it’s not *impossible* but it is pretty farfetched.
How on earth would he go get bedbugs and bring them to your bed?
OP….. I’m failing to find words to say this nicely. But, it’s pretty apparent that you struggle to trust your partner. I think that if you suspect him of intentionally sabotaging you, you have bigger problems than just a mattress. Healthy relationships are based on trust and good communication. Finding yourself sitting there questioning if your bf would intentionally cause an infestation indicates to me that maaaaaaybe you don’t trust him, and if that’s the case, you should probably think hard about why that is. If you have good reasons not to trust him, then perhaps you shouldn’t be with him. If you don’t have good reasons, maybe you should talk to a therapist about your trust issues and anxiety.
Either way, this is not REALLY about the mattress at all. But I think you knew that already.
You can buy bedbugs off online, no need to seek out nefarious sites.
Also you can get nice mattresses for cheap off online too. Got my king mattress for $400 off Amazon. It comes rolled up and it’s the spongey type not springs. But it’s been the best mattress I’ve ever slept on. It is firm, so if need soft mattress it wouldn’t work for you.
As for the partner issue, there’s trust issues there for sure, might need some counseling there.
Holy trust issues, batman and I thought mine were bad.
I’m not saying you’re wrong but I hope you’re 100% sure before you outright accuse him. I know I would never be able to be comfortable around someone after they accused me of something awful that I didn’t do.
If his intention was to infect the mattress with bedbugs so that you guys were forced to replace it, it doesn’t make sense that he would dismiss your bites and say that he doubts you guys have bedbugs.
Anyway, the $5000 mattress isn’t your only option – you could replace your current mattress with one much cheaper if you needed to.
Did u lie on it in the store? I always do that before buying. Ya, i thought it was funny, it said 3 months to break in & that was the exact time could no longer return. Id say its pretty unlikely it was on purpose. Just go on google and look at pics. In the meantime put an encasement on mattress, they sell ones for that on amazon. Get to reguraly spraying every 2 weeks. Good luck.
If it is bedbugs, it’s going to cost a lot more than the cost of a new mattress to get rid of them, so that’d be epically stupid of anyone to intentionally bring bedbugs into their own home. Is your boyfriend really *that* stupid?
Obviously something is irritating your skin, so getting a doctor to look at it is a good idea, and getting an exterminator to check for any sort of pests, including but not limited to bedbugs is also probably a good idea.
You can get California king beds on Wayfair and Amazon for $500. No need to spend 5k on one…
I always say trust your gut but this is very extreme. It’s going to cost so much to get rid of them and you’ll both have to throw things away. If you’re seriously feeling like he did it, watch how he handles the situation. Do some honest digging about how you may have gotten bed bugs too. Did you stay at any hotels? Any recent used furniture? Any enemies who may have mailed it to you? Does the store you bought the bed from have bed bugs?
Bedbugs aside you can get great mattress toppers – we have one for our motorhome. Turned a rotten bed into luxury.
Could it be fleas from one of the dogs? Seems more likely than bedbugs!
There’s a brilliant flea/bed spray you can buy called INDOREX. One can goes a really long way and no bastard could survive it and it’s safe on beds etc.
Re bedbugs, you know what to do, wait until it’s very dark and then check the bed about 2 am with a torch. Look under the corners, around the underside, edges and sides. Vacuum the hell out of it and if you can hire a uv or buy a uv bed light – a really good one mind, a go over every single mm of bed paying attention to the seams. Additionally you can purchase zip up mattress covers that encompass the entire mattress. Should stop the mattress becoming reinfected if treated properly. Check the divan or hopefully you’ve a wooden frame as it can be steam cleaned. And steam your carpets or floors too paying attention to under/behind skirting boards.
Before standing your mattress up to inspect it put it in an old duvet cover so anything that falls off doesn’t get transferred across the room.
Unless he somehow has a stash of bedbugs, I very much doubt he planned this.
This screams a lack of trust and begs the question of who you see him as a person.