How to deal with your father’s health deteriorating but not wanting to do anything about it?

8 comments

1. > would rather die happy than to exercise and eat healthy.

   Why does he think people who exercise and eat healthy are miserable? Plus, they die too. Just later.

2. Yeah my dad I’d going through pretty much the same just not diabetes. Lost like almost 100 lbs went to the doctors once and refused to go back or tell us anything. One thing I’ve learned is we can’t make people do anything we want, even if it’s good for them. And that goes for all interactions with people not just fam. The more we try the more stubborn they get. I’ve accepted it and just learned accept them as they are not for what we want for them or can be…I always say there is only one captain on the ship of your life. don’t jump onto someone else’s ship and try to take over…it may be painful to watch because exercise and healthy eating really isn’t hard and is amazing! But…if he is happy and just trying to enjoy what little time here he has and isn’t truly hurting anyone, I say accept it and enjoy having your dad around doing all the things he won’t be able to soon. Don’t give up on diet and exercise though cause you might get another 10 or more years that way! He has to want it for himself though…I quit drinking after being a fall down for the better part of 20 years it didn’t stick until I saw who I was and I’ve never looked back. Your dad is lucky to have someone who cares as much as you, I hope my son cares about me like that one day

3. Sometimes you have to accept that others don’t have to live the life you want them to.

   My grandfather died quite recently, and it’s certain his life would have been better toward the last few years, and lengthened… if only he would have submitted to one medical treatment a few times a year.

   But it wasn’t his wish, he didn’t want that life.

   I wish it were possible to convince everyone to live a life of health, but, sometimes it’s just not your life to live, even if it hurts a lot.

4. Appeal to fear, responsibility.

   – Appeal to fear: He won’t die happy, he likely won’t remember who he is, diabetes severely increases the risk of dementia, including Alzheimer’s dementia. A long and progressive disease where everything that he is as an individual will be slowly stripped away leaving nothing but instability, confusion, hallucinations and a fairly long and tortuous existence in a paranoid-delusional state where everyone and everything seems like an enemy as his own brain betrays him. Watching someone go through this is horrible, watching them lose themselves, watching them scream at imaginary demons is soul-ripping. Plenty of videos you can show him of people who are in various stages of dementia, and plenty of evidence linking diabetes to it. And its not one month, its multiple years of this that some people go through.

   – Appeal to responsibility: As with the dementia above, the cost and burden on you, your mother, your family etc. is something no real man would allow. We owe it to the people around us not to burden their lives that are hard enough, with the results of our selfishness. If not for yourself, why not for the people you care about.

5. i dont.

6. My father is the exact opposite. Working out is his life, he would choose it over his family (he did) and his health (he did). He’s taken steroids for 20 years and looks absolutely ridiculous for his age. He had a mild heart attack while working out, and the first question he asked the doctor is when he could start working out again. He spends hours at the gym every day and his diet consists of probably 85% protein/fat and 15% carbs (too many!). His knees, his shoulders, they are destroyed. He has neuropathy in his hands and legs to the point he needs a cane. One time he was hospitalized with low oxygen overnight, got out the next day and immediately went to work out. He has complete disregard for anything that does not serve to benefit him.

   Sorry for the rant.

7. Strength training, especially grip strength.

8. This is happening with me right now actually. Except my pops lives with me. His teeth are currently falling out, he can’t walk that well nor can he stand up for too long, he has diabetes and Bronchitis + Maybe COPD, and just like your dad, he rather just die.

   I don’t have the greatest relationship with my pops, never will but I just feel bad for him. He doesn’t want any help but me and my mom are planning on sending him to a hospital soon.