I’m an engineering student, 20f.
And I feel like, because I was so introverted at the start of my college, I didn’t get the opportunity to mingle and make many friends. Recently though, I’ve been going all out.
In whichever situation possible, I’ve been trying to talk to people, and get to know them. So far it worked well, I made about a dozen new friends from house parties, at the canteen etc.
A new class was added this semester, and once again, I tried to make new friends. This guy I spoke to, was super nice to me. The next class we had, he called me to sit with his group of friends, and at first I was thrilled.
It’s been around 4-5 classes now and he is starting to weird me out. While his friends are actually really sweet, he always saves a seat for me, next to him, which is such that the only person I can really talk to is him. One time I sat elsewhere and he asked me multiple times why I sat somewhere else. He keeps talking to me during class, and asking me questions. Anytime anybody cracks a joke, he turns to look at me to see my reaction, now I’ve just started giving no reaction.
I’m a little bummed, because the rest of his friend’s group is actually super nice to me, and I don’t want to stop speaking to them. It does look like he likes me, or something along those lines, and I don’t really know how to handle the situation. To be honest, a big “ick” has kicked in, and I feel genuinely disgusted whenever I see him/think of him.
Should I cut him off cold turkey and completely sit elsewhere? Or should I just tell him his behaviour is getting excessive? Is there any way I can still become good friends with the rest of his group?
3 comments
I would tell him that his behavior is getting excessive. You can try to tell him this nicely, so you don’t risk the relationship with other people.
I’d start with trying to set boundaries first, and seeing if he respects them.
For example, make a point of sitting elsewhere that allows you to talk to the others in the group. When he inevitably asks, look him in the eye and say something like, “I want to sit here. It’s a little odd you’re so focused on where I sit.”
Note – don’t say it rudely or aggressively. You’re not trying to publicly shame him, so tone of voice is key. Aim for a tone that’s neutral-curious… like you’re genuinely curious why he cares where you sit.
Ideally that seat will stop him from talking to you or interrupting during class, but if he does, shut it down. “It’s really distracting when you interrupt the class, please let me focus.”
Dm