Every night my boyfriend calls me before I sleep so it’s like we are “tucking each other in bed”. We usually agree on a time to call in the morning so we can work around the agreed time and be available.
My boyfriend has a new job that requires him to work until later than usual, and ever since this job, he has been late to these calls. I understood the first couple of times, and even adjusted my schedule so we could call later in the day. However, I found that he was still late even after these adjustments. He blames it on “being tired” and when he does answer these calls, it seems like all he wants to do is go to bed. Last night I tried talking to him about it and he got really mad at me, saying how he is just tired and I have to understand (I do understand, I work the same amount of hours and I have to get up even earlier than him, but I still make sure to be available on the time we agree on). He yelled at me for the first time ever and I just shut down.
I love him and I just want him to know that these calls are important to me because I miss him throughout the day. And honestly, I feel that my time is being disrespected when I have to wait for him.
I know this is stupid but any advice would be appreciated.
TL;Dr :Boyfriend does not call me on agreed time, yells at me when I try to communicate about it
5 comments
You need to stand down OP. Starting a new job and adjusting to new work sociology is/can be stressful. Calling every morning, even at specific times, can be very draining. Why not step back from the morning call, just text throughout the day, and be okay with the “tuck in” call for now. It will save you both from imploding.
I’m sure you’ll survive while he adjusts to his new job. Give him a bit of time.
Talking every night because you can’t stand being away from them/want to talk to them is great… in the beginning.
Eventually real life sets in, and it’s perfectly normal to not have a long call every night. What’s wrong with sending him a text “Sweet dreams babe, call if me if you want, good night!” and then if he calls he calls and if he doesn’t he doesn’t?
The phone calls are important to you… so make the quality of each call the importance, not the quantity (every night.) I also think it’s a bit much that every morning, you agree on a time to call that night…? I know it’s your relationship, not anyone else’s, but it seems really forced.
It’s totally ok to be in a loving and committed relationship and not communicate all the time. I know you’re young, so you probably barely remember a time before smart phones, but we used to not even have cell phones, and maybe your bf/gf didn’t even have an answering machine, so you couldn’t even leave them a message. We still survived and had relationships.
Dial it back a bit. You’ll be ok. Sometimes a little bit of space makes moments together that much more special.
A night time call every day is a *lot*. I can really see how someone would struggle to keep that up. I think it would be a good idea to adjust your expectations.
His new job is making him tired so let the man sleep. He has maintained these calls every single night for 3 years, missing a few as he adjust to his new job isn’t the end of the world, it is barely a minor inconvenience. He’s not out flirting with other women or getting drunk, the man just wants to sleep. Let him sleep.