I had a FWB with her for a few months now, and we set a few rules together not to cross to make sure the Friendship With Benefits stays healthy.
The main one is no dates, the second one is no lovey-dovey talk, and the third one is not to talk about other romantic partners/FWB.
We have been spending more time together the past 3 weeks as she had a project and needed my help and she has become very very lovey-dovey, kisses on my forehead, hugging me very intensely, and suggesting we go on romantic dates, despite that being the main rule as it usually leads to pain. It might get feelings involved by the one suggesting the dates and I highlighted my current emotional unavailability since day one to not hurt her.
I have no issue with dates but the last time this happened, the person caught feelings and it became troublesome.
Important to highlight that when we met, she wanted a relationship and I told her that I only do FWB. We left it there, and two weeks later she texted me and told me that after thinking about it, she was fine with FWB.
I like her but I do not want a relationship with anybody right now. Do you think she is catching feelings given the info provided? What should I do?
12 comments
Yes
She absolutely is trying to turn this into something else. If you don’t think that can happen, worth it just having a conversation and asking about it. Being transparent is key to FWB success. Personally I would not accept to go on the dates just to make the boundary clear
You have choices:
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1 . Stand by your rules and find a new FWB because open communication and romance are hard.
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2 . Stand by your rules and enforce them through a serious conversation about your boundaries in a FWB relationship.
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3 . Evaluate whether you want to change the context of your relationship; if you do, discard these rules as they no longer serve your interests.
*edit to add:* My fiance was a FWB for a little over a year, and then my boyfriend for slightly less than a year for a total of two years and a couple months with two major contextual shifts getting to engagement. At every step, I considered whether it’s worth moving ever closer to risking a third divorce, and at every step, I decided to adjust my boundaries and make space in my heart. I had to be ready, though, and I had to have self-awareness about it. There are still times when I want to cut and run, but I’m learning frequently that these moments have less to do with the person next to me and more to do with the people in my rearview mirror. If you aren’t prepared for that process, you need to be focus on choices 1 and 2 for her sake as much as yours.
Yes – cut it off now.
This is why I don’t do FWB, especially with friends. Feelings are way too easy to get caught.
Go on a limb and try it out. See where it goes. You may not feel ready not, but maybe if you could open your heart to a possibility, she could make you really happy. It sounds like you already enjoy your time together now as is. Guys are so confusing. They have so many rules..
She has caught feelings. You need to distance yourself, remind her the boundaries. You might need to end it if you don’t want her falling in love with you more.
Call me a romantic but I’ve never understood why people are so scared of “catching feelings.” Anyone care to explain?
Idk how you or she is “Character” wise so I will give you advice from my own experience.
The following is why it’s probably becoming greenlit:
•Probable that you are now her “Exclusive” sex mate
•Probable that you are not the only fwb, but you are the only option for a relationship because you ✔️ most of the boxes
•Very Probable that she may have baby fever or is already pregnant and again since you ✔️ all the boxes, you make the best candidate for father and so she thinks that the “Exclusivity” will remove doubt from your mind.
•Probable that she has lost the other fwb or fwbs’ from the same proposal and now you are the only candidate not in a relationship so she is making her claim before she loses her chance.
•Probable she has caught feelings.
•Probable she is growing tired of seeing her peers and others who are going into relationships etc., meanwhile she is stuck in limbo.
I have many more to list but this is enough to make the point. Conclusion: (RUN!!!!!!!!!)
The emphasis is no longer on the F and B, but rather on the W.
LOL… Sooner or later someone develops feelings. Always. And eventually you will have to decide to either commit to a relationship or deal with periods of loneliness, despair, and possibly depression.
What’s to take it further 🤔