My anxiety gets in the way of the relationship.

Tldr: Anxious bean doubting to stay in a 1.5 year relationship due to the family, the bf, or possibly herself.

I’m 28F and I’m dating my 31M. We’ve been dating for 1.5 years. I have epilepsy but was recently diagnosed with anxiety. He has anxiety and has been supporting and helping me manage it in some way while I pull the ropes. However, it just gets worse and worse with this relationship. Of course I always address it to him, but it’ll only stress him out, when in time he shows a lot of attention to detail to his thoughtfulness.

My biggest anxiety trigger is his family. We meet up every Sunday for dinner at his parents house. They’re very chatty and outgoing people, but we have no idea how to engage on conversation. We just stare, smile, acknowledge we had a good week, and engage with whatever her and the husband say, granted they’re very smart people. I get worried if I say something out of turn I may offend someone.

Tonight I wore a tank top with leggings and a thick baggy cardigan. After we ate we did a last minute job of throwing away a couch. I pitched in as an extra hand (my grandpa and mom taught me some carpentry and woodwork). The heater in the house was up really high, we had greasy food, and everyone was tipsy from the alcohol. So at some point I took off my cardigan. Bf’s mom was so pissed off at me cause I revealed myself with a tank top and leggings. What can I say? It was very last minute. If there was word about it beforehand I would have dressed appropriately. I apologized to her later and covered up the rest of the night. But right now I’m just too ashamed to go back to that house if someone is mad at me.

Another trigger is him being in his own bubble. He lives in an apartment above his parents. There were multiple times I noticed him not considering his parents. Like he would borrow a Tupperware container from his mom, and not clean it before giving it back. Or his dad has a bad back, but there’s a dolley sitting in the floor waiting for him to trip and fall back, and he wouldn’t consider moving it unless I told him to. His parents always say, “it’s fine”, but I don’t think it’s right to not respect other people’s items and health. I ended up talking to him about this and I’m pleading this gets better.

I also have times where I don’t feel sexual unless he really gets me in the mood. I’ve never been in a successfully romantic and sexual relationship before. I’ve never experienced the luxuries of sex up until I graduated college. Getting in the mood takes a really long time. Cause my anxiety just gets in the way. We end up having to stop and talking about what’s causing it, even if it’s something we don’t want to hear. And then after we talk, my mood comes back and we get back to having fun.

I’m honestly thinking about giving each other some space. I don’t think his family wants me included in their life. And even if I advise him on anything, I get the feeling it will not change. Or, there’s no need to because I could just be very impatient, or my anxiety is plotting some worries and doubts into my head and I’m scared of the idea of him not changing, and his family not liking me. I don’t know. I really do love him, flaws and all. But he’s lived in a setting where he’s scolded for his insecurities/behavior, not given a chance to learn about it. Anyone with anxiety and in a relationship? I’d really appreciate it.