To give some context, I met my boyfriend on Hinge about 2 months ago. We’ve only been dating for a month and a half now. On our first few dates, we talked about previous relationships, why they went wrong, and how to communicate healthily. It seemed like I finally found someone who would treat me right. But for the past few weeks he has been super irritable. The smallest things will annoy him and in turn it brings down my mood. Here are some examples:
• We were looking for a meal prep recipe for him for the next two weeks and I asked if we could do something I like so we could meal prep together. He couldn’t find an exact recipe for 10 planned meals after 2 minutes so he shut down. I walked out of the room for a sec to get changed into gym clothes (we had both planned to go) and he said I “stormed out of the room” and was “annoyed at him for being frustrated” when I wasn’t even mad at him
• we were searching for airbnbs and he got pissed because the app isn’t laid out the way he wants it to be
• we were at a pool hall for his birthday and I tried getting the staff to give him a birthday shoutout and he got pissed because he doesn’t want the attention on him
• we were at the same pool hall and he got annoyed and took it out on me because there wasn’t a set plan for what we were to do after
• he got mad at me because I didn’t want to have sex while he had a cold sore. It started a huge argument of him just being mean to me and saying that if he wanted to not have sex he could “just go hangout with his friends” and made me cry
• he’s very cleanly and gets annoyed when I don’t put things back in the right spot right away
•he got pissed because I sent a picture of him that he said was ok to send to my friends, to his friends
I don’t know what to do about the mood swings. After the conversation about sex I nearly broke up with him but decided to give him another chance because he sent me a long text apologizing about the way he behaved. I can’t control his mood swings and I don’t want to be the person responsible for calming him down or being his emotional punching bag. He talks about the future like we will be together for a long time, but I can’t see any of that if he continues to act like this. I told him I wanted him to see a therapist, and he said he would but hasn’t done anything to seek therapy so far.
TLDR; my boyfriend of almost 2 months has constant mood swings and it hurts me. Want him to seek therapy but he isn’t actively doing anything about it
5 comments
Two months is extremely short for a relationship. The mood swings would surely amplify with time and especially after marriage. Be careful.
Things will always go like this: He makes you very miserable by being irritable → you want to break up → he apologizes and becomes well again for a short time → after things stabilize he will become irritable again.
Things will keep cycling like this until you insist on the break up or he finally cheats on you after things go stable between you two…
He picked someone 6 years younger because women his own age wouldn’t put up with his bs.
I’m sorry but you should break up with this guy. If after only 2 months someone needs therapy to not treat you like an emotional punching bag then you need to run away. It is early in the relationship, he is on his best behavior. This is his best. If he’s abusive, as I suspect, then he’s testing you to see if you’ll listen to his empty promises and stay despite his emotionally abusive treatment. He knows what he wants, and now he’s seeing if he can get it from you. People like this are gifted manipulators, they’re really good at getting you to question yourself and are great at lying sincerely. Does he have these mood swings around other people? At work? With his friends? If not then he’s abusive. You should look for the book “Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. You might be able to find a free pdf around the internet. But if he’s like this around everyone then he’s got no emotional maturity or accountability and expects everyone around him to automatically do what he wants and to fix his poor moods. If it’s this one then you should still leave. I have a family member married to someone like this and it’s a permanent struggle for them. They’ve pretty much accepted their spouses self-centered behavior and either ignore it, constantly have difficult conversations or they make sure to be away from them when they’re being moody. To sum up you didn’t find someone who will finally treat you right. He lied.
It’s been 2 months of anger issues and belittling. Kick him to the curb. You have no stake in this.
It’s been two months. Just walk away. This is what dating is for: sorting out compatibilities and figuring out if you click. Not begging someone to go to therapy and managing their pissy moods.