I (30M) just got out of a 3-week situationship which is very short, i know, but we had a very strong connection. In my mind, it was a beginning of a good relationship but from her (29F) side, she probably saw some red flags and she ended it abruptly (“let’s learn each other more as friends”, which is pretty much a death sentence for relationships).
Everything was going well. we hooked up for the 2nd time and i told her that i was head over heels for her and she said she was, too.
I’m usually not a very romantic person, but this girl brought out the hopeless romantic in me somehow. Maybe, she thought that i was too into her and found it overbearing. But in my defense, she was quite into me as well. I think we both got too excited about each other too fast and then she probably had to put the brakes on it.
I’ve definitely dated women before when I was younger but all of them developed out of mutual understanding so I never had to go out on dates or ask anyone out. It just sort of happened. So, I’m pretty new to relationships in where I have to do the pursuing.
I can’t help but deduce that the reason she rejected me was not because of who I am as a person but perhaps because of my delivery and positioning in the dating game. Perhaps I laid out my cards way too fast and she got bored because she knew she could have me. I knew she found me attractive, she found me funny, etc. She would tell me that I was one of the better catches she had.
I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos on how to understand how women think and how women develop romantic interest in general and it has been very educational and eye-opening. But I’m wondering how legit these advices are.
So please let me know if some of these points are good or troublesome.
1) Men have to lead, be assertive, dominant in some way or another. Tease her a little. Don’t be too nice. Put her in the spot, sometimes.
2) Never initiate the talk first as a guy. Let the girl bring it up.
3) Never confess or ask a girl out without 100% confidence she would say “yes”. It should just be for the sake of confirming.
4) Give women the space, time to reflect. Don’t meet more than once per week in the beginning stage of dating.
5) Imply that there are other options for you. Do not put your eggs in one basket. Do not allow her to think “this guy’s got no other girls to talk to.” or “There is no chance of losing this guy”
6) Girls will subconsciously test the emotional strength of a guy at a certain point by pulling away from him. When a girl goes cold on you all of a sudden, just keep calm and carry on with your life until she comes back on her own. Do not show signs of insecurity, needy or apologetic behavior.
7) When getting into relationship, girls prefer a slow build-up of feelings rather than something fast and intense.
Conclusion : For men who belong in the “nice guy” or “hopeless romantic” category, we are at an absolute disadvantage in the dating world. You do need to play the games at least a bit in order to keep your girl interested in you. A lot of dating is not really about who you are as a person but it’s actually technical stuff : presenting yourself in the right way, taking the lead and ownership, confidence, timing, strategy. I’m getting ever so cynic about the concept of love.
5 comments
A woman wants to be protected or find someone with the capacity to protect her. It isn’t a quality that typically one can point out especially if the person has control over that inner demon.
I come off as intense, like my eyes can stare into a person’s soul. I’m also confrontational which suggests being protective of others. Former military so I’ve been trained on how to defend myself and others.
I’ve been in one situation where I needed to protect my significant other. The chance of physical violence was high so I prepared myself. Knuckle gloves, air horn, night stick, baseball bat, etc. I practiced the route I was going to take, even doing one or two practice trips. I’ve told her that I would do just about anything for her even if that means taking another person’s life (self defense).
That is the one thing most people forget about when talking about what women look for. They want a guy who has control over his inner demon to protect her from the bigger monsters in the world.
There is a psychology behind how a woman thinks in dating, and what draws them to be interested in a guy for sure. Women decide by reading and picking up on your sub-communication if they’re attracted to you, and will like you depending on how you make them feel.
Yeah, for the most part, all of that is fucking bullshit. Don’t be a doormat and put her on a pedestal, but this “don’t be too nice” bullshit is nonsense. The thing about giving women some space at the beginning isn’t terrible advice, but you don’t need to set hard and fast “rules” about how often you see each other. Women don’t “get bored” when you tell us how you feel about us, but saying you’re “head over heels” after the second time you hooked up is WAY TOO SOON. You need to let feelings develop, not rush things.
Most likely is that you really liked this girl and could not handle it since it does not happen very often , a sad reality for most guys but it happens even to the best of us , you dont need to be a dick or ignore women or play any sort of game , to get your desired results in dating , my advice is just to focus on being your best man possible .
Doesn’t point number 2 directly contradict point number 1?
Number 3 makes no sense.
Give space yes, but no need to have such a strict rule about how often to see them. Just go with the flow.
5 is an odd strategy because she will know you are trying to make her jealous
Not sure about 6 but not being needy is a good thing
And lastly, all girls are different. Some have tendencies to jump into things quickly, others take a long time