My bf broke up with me a year and half ago for a few weeks and In that time he had sex with a girl. He never told me who she was so I had no way of knowing if they were still talking but he promised he had blocked her.
Well today I finally made him reveal who it was because I’ve never been able to get over it and not knowing who it was. And he revealed that she snapchated him over the summer to catch up and trying to see if he was still single to hook up. He said she was still able to message him because he removed her and didn’t actually block.
We have a very clear boundary in our relationship that if anyone from our past tries to hit us up we tell the other person immediately. But in this case he messaged her (telling her he had a gf still after chatting a bit) and then deleted the conversation with her so I wouldn’t see it, hiding it from me. (We were long distance at the time) I don’t know the extent of what actually happened that is what he decided to share 8 months later.
Do I have a right to be upset? He’s acting like I’m crazy now and trying to gaslight me when he knows how big of a deal not telling me was.
TL;DR my bf told me he was messaging a girl he previously slept with but didn’t tell me for 8 months when he should have
9 comments
You have a right to be upset yeah. But it does seem like you are actually just looking for a justified reason to be angry at him that he fucked another girl when you weren’t together.
But honestly, forget the reasons, you feel what you feel. You don’t need to justify anything and no one can tell you what you feel or don’t feel.
Why are you with this person? He’s seemingly just making you insecure.
If you just broke up with him and he fucked another girl then it would be hypocritical of you to be mad at him, but he broke up with you so it’s different. Why did you take him back? Are you sure you’re respecting yourself enough here?
You already set a boundary in the relationship, I think it’s a silly one, but you’ve set it, so now I think you should follow through. What’s the consequence for not adhering to a boundary? There must be a consequence. I think you should leave your boyfriend for a couple days. You said you had a very clear boundary, but where are the consequences? It can’t just be that you’re mad at him, that’s not a consequence, that’s an annoyance.
But the sad part here is that the problem isn’t really your boyfriend. It’s your insecurity. Even if your boyfriend magically became perfect over night, would your insecurity dissappear? I don’t think so. You should probably cut your losses here. It’s over. Become single, focus on yourself and cultivate some confidence in yourself and try to become less jealous of other people. You can do it!
Hope any of this helps you! Good luck and cheers!
You’ve been agonizing over the identity of this woman for 1.5 years. You’ve been pestering him to tell you for 1.5 years. He lied to you about her contacting him. And now he’s trying to downplay his lie and make you out to be the ridiculous one.
These 1.5 years, was he giving you reasons to doubt him, or did you simply not like the thought that he slept with someone else _while you were broken up?_ If it’s the latter, then this re-do never stood a chance from the start.
Sorry, but I’m not seeing any trust between you two. Why are you still dating him if you clearly don’t trust him — considering he gave you reasons to not trust him, too?
Tbh he seems shady as fuck deleting messages and going against your established status quo. Are you sure you want to spend your time with a guy like this?
Yes you have the right to be upset, he lied and hid these messages from you. His dishonesty to you speaks volumes. What else is he hiding, that would be were my mind would go.
I think it depends on what he wrote in that conversation and how you normally handle similiar situations: if you often are jelous and get mad when some girl wants to chat with him, maybe that’s the cause of hiding that message.
Otherwise he’s just playing with you!
There is no trust between you, this will never be healed fully.
Him having sex with somebody else while you were broken up is fully and 100% acceptable. Him not telling you about the encounter, who it was, etc., is also 100% acceptable, and frankly none of your business.
She messaged him and told he her he had a GF and deleted the conversation, also 100% acceptable. I understand you had a protocol of notifying each other if anybody from the past reached out, and honestly – I think that proves distrust and jealousy more than anything else.
Do you have a right to be upset that he didn’t tell you she reached out? Sure. Does it give you the right to badger him?
Let this drop, and/or move on. Decide for yourself if you trust him enough to continue based on this one incident.
So what’s your plan for holding him accountable for lying?
Would this subreddit even exist if not for people trying to salvage relationships that are completely broken?
>We have a very clear boundary in our relationship that if anyone from our past tries to hit us up we tell the other person immediately
You set boundaries when things are fine and emotions are calm, so that if they ever get violated, you’re not swayed by your desire to wave away the problem just because you’re emotionally compromised. You had a boundary, he broke it knowingly. If you aren’t willing to stand by your boundaries, they’re not boundaries.
You break up with the guy for violating your boundary.