Alright, so here’s my story. It happened 10 months ago and I still can’t get over it. First of all, it’s my first appearance on this reddit and I never thought I would share anything private on internet. But I desperately need help. I was with my current girlfriend for the first time a year ago about December of 2021. We’ve been together for like 4 to 5 months as we knew each other for years and I always had feelings for her while beforehand she rejected me 3 times implying the fact that she wasn’t “ready” even tho she was still hanging out with other boys with my knowledge of it. So then when I was about to tell her “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore, I just can’t do it so I’m gonna leave you live your life to the fullest” and then she said she wanted to try something with me. Ultimately I couldn’t say no because it felt like a dream that came true, my past is really weird so I felt like the nerd who had a super hot girlfriend but is still addicted to gaming etc.. I didn’t change my whole perspective at first so I was still enjoying my online experience. But then this happened after 3 to 4 months of full commitment toward each other. She found out about my weird online behaviors which she wasn’t familiar with, and that happened before I was with her which made her cry and she asked for a break. I changed my whole way of thinking for her and I did everything to ensure her well being. But then after a week of break, with fewer and fewer messages throughout the week and she said 2 words after blocking me “It’s done”. I started panicking and I don’t really want to go through the details of my feelings at this time, but we had this friend in common that turn out to be one of the vilains of this story that made a huge difference on all of this. She basically made her hangout with another guy less than a day after she left me. And they started hanging out, and it was really painful to see because we were in the same college at this time. I watched her making out with a boy, ignoring me when i was nearby etc… etc… I felt like shit so I tried to contact her via mail… yes It’s weird but I wanted to clear out my side so that I can try to move on, even tho it was the worst thing that I ever felt in a while. After a month, she came back after reading my mails. And she kept the guy in her friends etc… and also haha I forgot to say, she wanted to only be my friend. Which I obviously denied, and came forward to move on for good this time. Apparently she seemed kind of upset with my decision and she wanted me back… as my personality isn’t that strong I agreed and told her to delete him. Now I am still in the same college, and I see him almost everyday which triggers an inner anger that is indescribable. I am now with her, but I lose feelings almost instantly because some of my thoughts that hunts me about that.. I’ve seen her doing every single thing a man can’t see his once loved one do in front of his bare eyes. I just want to know what do I do, I am currently still with her and I can’t take decisions, I feel weak and not strong enough to face all of this. I almost, every time have this feeling of beating the guy off, but I don’t want to ruin my future because of her. I really need your help..