I 26(M) haven’t really thought about this until recently, but currently I work part time at a coffee shop and I’m in law school (2 more years left).
I figure it might be an issue for some and not for others (I went on a date with a girl who was disgusted when I told her and I blocked her [there are other reasons why I did this too]) but I want to know what your opinions on it are.
33 comments
You’re in law school so I’d say you’re good.
It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care what it is or how much he makes as long as he’s consistently working, committed to that job, and can take care of himself.
I want someone on my level, similar to my educational background / career trajectory, etc.
I’m 37. I’d like someone I can go out to eat with, go on vacations with (not super expensive), and go out with and not have to pay for them. I don’t mind subsidizing a little but it’s too unequal if I’m always paying the majority.
I don’t really care how much money a guy makes as long as he can pay for himself and makes reliable money. Someone who can’t hold down a job is a no from me.
I dont think your income amount matters. I think what matters is work ethic and consistency. Do you keep your job or do you lose them often? Do you show up to work or do you lose out on a lot of hours? Etc.
Most women are okay with earning more so long as their man is being consistent with their share. And so long as the man doesnt behave insecurely about the income gap between them.
Some women care about it, some don’t, most are probably somewhere in the middle where it’s not a binary thing. Of the women that care about it, different women will care for different reasons – some practical, some general lifestyle preferences, some less than ethical.
For example if someone wants to be a stay at home parent, they might consider it necessary to have a partner who makes enough to support a family. Another person might want the benefits of two “serious career” type incomes. Another person might be very career oriented and want a partner that is the same, regardless of income (for example, they might be perfectly happy dating a teacher, but might balk at someone who isn’t serious about their career).
Working in a cafe while in school is perfectly reasonable and sensible. Office jobs or more serious positions aren’t going to be flexible enough to fit around your class schedule.
But regardless, anyone with manners wouldn’t respond in a visibly negative way to hearing what their date does for a living, so I think that sort of person isn’t really worth too much thought.
Wealth doesn’t matter because not everyone is born rich. I personally would still go for it if the guy is determine and has goals to better himself. There are hardworking men who deserve to be loved some women are just choosy.
The girl was disgusted by what exactly? I don’t understand that part.
And…law school usually means a lot of debt, a lot of long hours, and potentially a good income.
Wealth is something very different.
Well I’m currently broke lol. I spent everything on a big adventure so now I’m at square one again. I do miss not having to budget. I think all I need is to be comfortable. To know I can buy food and pay rent and be social without checking my bank account. But money is really important if you plan on having children and want to retire comfortably.
Both me and my partner work part time, and I’m trying to find side gigs. But neither of us feel pressured to make money. Just to make due for now.
It matters to me. But I can’t really say to what degree. I grew up poor and on welfare. My mom raised 4 kids by herself and instilled into me a great example of what a good work ethic is. Mom eventually graduated college when I was 16, and we finally moved out of subsidized housing. I started working summer jobs at 13 and then held a job pretty steadily since 16. Being the oldest girl I was always responsible for most of the housework, which was a job unto itself. I went to college and graduated. I have a mortgage and own my car. I’m still paying on college loans because I deferred them at times while raising my daughter. I have some money in the bank. No credit card debt. If I use them, I pay off the balance within the month. I have a good credit score. I raised my daughter by myself and worked 3rds because I could sleep while she was in school and bc it paid more. I limited my OT to be “present” as a mother because I felt this would prove more beneficial for both of us. I’ve always had to depend on just myself, and I felt like there was no room to fail. I’m 43, and my daughter has since moved out and doing well. I never had a boyfriend or dated seriously while raising her, but I’m ready to now and to be quite honest, as shallow as it may sound, I won’t date a man who isn’t financially stable or atleast trying to be? Maybe I”m selling myself short? But my grandpa always told me that marriage was a financial transaction. My dad, well , he just always wanted me to marry an older man. I can’t say either of them gave me bad advice.
Honestly it’s all about the mindset of the person and how generous they are. I am not looking for a person who is wealthy but I do want a partner that is able to pull their weight. A considerate partner who can contribute just as much as I do.. You are in law school as well and that says a lot. A lot of men expect women to invest financially but they don’t match the amount of emotional labor. I have been realizing that I pay as well but I never get the same level of care that I provide. But some women would never even date someone who is broke. Just depends..
Prob all care , but some are not shallow as fuck and look beyond what you make and are also interested in who you are . And thats why we play the numbers game in dating … or dont , your choice 😀
Why was the girl disgusted? And, most women are looking for someone with stability who can keep a job and be a responsible adult. Wealthy women are looking for wealthy men, average women are looking for average men. It’s all relative.
Any time I dated a guy who didn’t finish college and made less $ than me; he was really insecure about it. It makes me hesitant to try again. I honestly care more about work ethic and whether they can manage the money they have.
I also feel like the insecurity about education/wealth might become worse now that my brother is starting residency and my SIL is in med school. It’s really tiring hearing guys say “oh your parents would hate me” because they didn’t finish college.
I dated a guy when I was 18 and he was 23… in a general sense, yes. He didn’t know how to manage his money and kept making excuses to why he didn’t have enough for literally anything… it was terrible and we went as far as even moving in together against my parents wishes (I know… dumb) I went to college even tho I didn’t have good enough grades but I made it work and even graduated. He was just fixated on his insecurities about what I was making vs what he was. I graduated in creative writing and made a career being a proofreader for a illustrator company, my wage was about $30 an hour and I was making so much and he kept working as a part time fast food server (and kept using a ton of excuses to not attend work surprisingly enough idk why they didn’t fire him) and he wasn’t pulling his share. i would try my best to get him to find another job or even attempt to go back to school (I even offered to pay for everything until he graduates) but he refused. I paid for the apartment, food, bills, and dates… it was truly awful because his money was going towards unnecessary stuff such as Anime figurines (LIKE A BUNCH OF THEM WAS AVERAGING AROUND $200) and gaming accessories… he never had enough when his paycheck came. He would often resent me and went as far as make fun of my well being. It was only until I found out he paid someone for (sex services) while I was at work… like bro… I kicked him out and then changed my number and moved to another city entirely. I’m currently 21 and I have been doing so much better by myself than I ever could. I recently looked him up and found out he is in jail for sexual assault with a minor…. Dodged a major bullet.
TLDR in the modern world. Yes.
You are young, you have plenty of time to accumulate wealth. Ambitious women will care about men’s ambitions. I think you’re safe since you study law. Combining studies with work is often not easy, so you should be proud that you’re managing that! Smart women will appreciate that.
for me it doesn’t matter in the slightest. you have aspirations and are goal-oriented – that’s far more important. the right person will support you on your journey and even help you come up with inexpensive ways to spend time together.
Personally I want a guy who can pay all his bills and is able to treat sometimes like dinners and occasional gifts. I don’t want to date a guy who can never afford to do anything. But I also am very uncomfortable about wealth and couldn’t date someone very rich either. I feel like rich people have a different mentalities about things. Since your in law school still I think it’s reasonable because you’re working on getting yourself a good career.
I don’t care about wealth but I do care about love. I don’t mind dating a janitor or someone who sweeps the street as long as they have love in their heart. However, ambition is also important to me.I like to know that a man has the drive to change their situation, improve their finances and come to the next level. I also want to know that we can build our financial success together.
There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. Going to school and working part time is hard especially since your going to law school. Plus you are bettering yourself. Who cares that your not making much you will eventually when you become a lawyer. As long as you can keep a stable job and live with in your means most women would gladly date someone like you.
It’s not wealth that matters, it’s drive. My husband and I had NOTHING when we met. I loved his desire to do more for himself and for us. Barely paying bills, accounts over drafted, etc. We both buckled down at work, we both worked for promotions. Got married (combining money helped too), made a budget. Now we are in a much different spot a year later. If a woman can’t recognize your drive considering you’re in law school and she want the wealth now, she’s not the one.
Im a still-recovering-financially-from-divorce single dad and when i was using tinder had no problems getting dates and keeping them as FWBs. Did this for about a year and then I met my girlfriend.
I have a good job but live in a high cost of living area. All the costs of the divorce doubled with going from a two income household to one income has been a learning curve. But i am working on career advancement.
From a man who’s played the game its about how attractive you are and how you make them feel when you’re with them. You want something serious you can be down but you have to be ambitious and have a plan.
Compatible attitudes to money, financial stability, maturity, shared lifestyle preferences and strong work ethic are crucial.
I have financial dealbreakers; mostly in terms of savings, income and other financial assets. Wouldn’t consider dating a guy that was claiming welfare or living with weathy relatives giving him a large monthly allowance or workshy and receiving generous annual trust fund income.
Average, I like someone that is ambitious and serious with life
It matters exactly 0%. Sure, the person your with should be able to pull their own weight and be secure in that way, at least. I feel like everyone wants and needs security, knowing they’re not going to be homeless if they get fired that month. But actual “wealth” is in no way important to me. I want you to be able to afford a couch, but I don’t care if you can’t afford a BMW. It literally does not equal happiness in any way.
If you can take care of yourself you’re good. If you’re working part time while in school you’re good. Show me responsibility and ambition and you’re good. When I saw ambition, think like living on your own, having life goals, wanting to be someone more than just a couch potato.
As long as you aren’t lazy, and treat me well. Idgaf
Congrats on law school! I just graduated last may and found out I passed the bar in October so I’m newly into my career. I personally have always thought guys found me to be more intriguing bc of my career aspirations and wouldn’t really care that I was still in school, but sometimes I also worried they would not really want to deal with someone still in school and not in their career. On the flip side of that now, I sometimes think guys have the wrong impression of how much $$ I make bc I say I’m an attorney and they automatically think I’m rich, which I’m not and I make a very modest salary at this early stage of my career.
With all of that being said, I as a 26F do not care about how much money a guy makes. I care about their motivation and drive, and how hard they work no matter what they’re doing. I know I’m a hard worker and really have passion for whatever i do, so i want a man to share that same level of passion and work ethic as i do. I don’t care if they make a bunch of money because honestly, I don’t! Like if people expected me to make a ton of money and then lost interest in me because I didn’t, well then that’s not the guy for me.
Kind of. Only because I want to continue my lifestyle and don’t want to have to change it for someone else. Also resentment usually sets in if he discover I make more after a while. This happens time and time again even though I really don’t care what he does or how much he makes…to an extent. Ideally, the wage gap will have to be less than 30K if he were to make less. Note that I’m female in my early 40s, professionally established and financially stable.
When I was in my 20s, knowing the guy is in school and working minimum wage-ish temporarily would not bother me one bit.
Coming here to add a different comment. If & when you graduate law school & if you start out making 6 figures, don’t tell women you are dating. Not everyone is a gold digger but the tides may change once your career changes. Also note that plenty of people graduate law school & make 50k a year.
As a woman, wealth doesn’t matter to me. Being a hard worker with monetary maturity matters more.
It matters to me but a provider mindset matters much more to me. I’m with my boyfriend who is studying electrical engineering but he currently is just saving and working at McDonald’s. But he’s incredibly driven, hardworking, and focused which I find very attractive. I’m also only interested in a traditional relationship so of course my answer will differ from other women
It 💯% matters and don’t let anyone tell you differently
It’s not so much wealth that matters to me but comfort and ability to do everything I want to do. I like nice dinners, concerts, events, trips, etc, and I can’t afford to pay double if whoever I’m dating can’t afford to pay their own way. Just bought concert tickets that are almost $300 a piece for example…I don’t want to date someone who would say they couldn’t go to that with me because they can’t spend that much on something like that. Not expecting a man to pay for both of us, but he has to be able to afford what I can. The last couple of years I’ve made 6 figures so no, I can’t say that I’d likely be happy dating someone who worked at a coffee shop. I’m older than you though, so ten years ago I might have as long as they were working towards a good career and I knew it was temporary.