Can’t leave a very toxic relationship
Hi. I know my relationship is extremely toxic. But I can’t seem to leave. We have been together for almost 9 years. I can be completely fine by night, ready to attempt to leave. But once morning comes, it’s like I just reset all my settings and am now back to square 1 where Im having insane anxiety and just want to call him. Mornings are the hardest. I know this yet I still give into the temptation of calling him. He waits for me to reach out to him, because he knows the person I am and that eventually I will. I just wish I was strong enough to not call him anymore, for as long as that may take until shows the slightest bit of effort. He can be the one at fault in a situation and will still manage to flip it on me and make me feel like I’m in the wrong. I really want to leave and be happy on my own. I don’t know where to even begin. Every time I try, I wake up the next morning feeling like I have to call him I have to see him. I’m tired of this. I just want to wake up with the same thoughts as I go to sleep with. Which is a mindset of leaving this toxic relationship. Why are my thoughts always different in the morning? It’s torturing me. Can someone please give me any advice on what to do?
1 comment
I can tell you why this is probably happening to you.
Love is not spiritual, magical, or foretelling. It’s a biochemical marvel of evolution to promote reproduction- and it works VERY well. Dopamine, epinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and a few others create a marvelous love cocktail in your brain. The crazy thing is this is also how a lot of drugs work including heroin- and just like a heroin user will say “this is the last time I do this”, but by morning… well you’re both going through a similar form of withdraw.
Just like any addiction- time, action, adventure, and working to become your best self and overcome the underlying issues that lead to your addiction in the first place is how to get over it. And don’t pick a different drug to get hooked on- dating someone else is a band aid that kicks your addiction down the road to deal with later.
Look up going no contact. You need to retrain your brain to do something different when you feel the urge to call him: a workout routine will give you more control over your brain because you’ll be partially stimulating some of the same ingredients for the love cocktail, call a friend/family member, something that will stimulate similar brain reactions in healthier ways. You might even find having a loving discussion with yourself/by yourself is going to fill some of this gap- date yourself for a bit.