When I [33m] am single and in the beginning parts of a relationship I have a really strong libido, but once I have sex with the same person fair amount (like, 100 times? idk) it starts dropping off and I becomes sort of unmotivated by it. It’s still nice to do but just doesn’t have that raw urgency and aggression of being with a new partner, that makes it so powerful.
I have a sort of long-term (non-exclusive) situation ship right now, the sex is great. But I’ve noticed that when I have casual sex with other people it makes me much more interested in her the next time, I’ve never had this arrangement before but it’s so great. The problem is that I’m aware the vast majority of women aren’t down for it so I’m like, spoiling myself or something?
Does anyone else feel this way, and how do you cope in a world that expects monogomy?
9 comments
Most people’s brains are wired towards novelty.. some extremely so. Not to say you couldn’t ever settle down for monogomany, but it’s probably best you make sure before you enter a ltr with a monogamous partner
If monogamy is not for you, don’t do monogamy. Lots of people are non-monogamous. Is it going to restrict the people you can date? Yes. But this is true of many preferences and lifestyles. It’s a question of deciding how important it is to you.
Studies actually show that women get tired of the same sexual partner more quickly than men. And in general different people have different novelty seeking desires.
How do I cope in a world that expects monogamy? I say “fuck you world! it’s my life and I have autonomy!” and I’m polyamorous. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m sure there are apps for this. I know a few people who’ve done something similar. It never ends well because it’s rare that both parties remain happy in the long run.
But it is a thing. You just have to be super open about it all, all the time.
Perhaps you haven’t met the one yet…
Non-exclusive life long relationships are hard because of that desire for variety. It’s not as much coping, as it is keeping communication around sex and love constantly open and fresh enough that can allow excitement and at least a hint of mysterious allure.
We crave the excitement of discovering new things about people and it applies to their sexuality as well when you’re flirting. Some people can replicate that energy in their relationship, some can’t. Sometimes monogamy is not for everyone and polyamory or open relationships help out the long term relationship.
Since your relationship expects strict monogamy, you’ll have to decide whether you want to work on keeping the sex exciting after you feel the low, or work on finding someone who would enjoy an open or polyamorous relationship, depending on what you feel you need. They’re out there, just hard to find thank’s to the patriarchal society.
It would be great if everyone accepted non-monogamy! I feel like as humans we aren’t meant for it.
I used to think I wanted non-monogamy but I found my person that I’m happy with and I’d never get sick of lol
I do what I want, society be damned.
The key is being upfront about it. Some people are not going to be ok with it, that’s fine, they’re not the ones for you. Monogamy isn’t for everyone, just as non-monogamy isn’t for everyone.
I don’t think the world today expects monogamy. There are way more potential partners open to FWB.
All I think it means is that you’re not a relationship person.
Is it possible you might have ADD?