I’m new to OLD and have it been trying it out now that the pandemic is sort of over. I met a lady who I have developed chemistry with from OLD who is my type – but the thing that is turning me off is that she doesn’t have much education and doesn’t have any income. She quit her job at an elementary school almost two years ago due to the stress of remote teaching.
I’m from a well educated background and I would say most or all of my friends/inner circle are all pharmacists, doctors, lawyers, bankers, etc. She’s different and only has an AA degree from community college despite being born here and speaking english as a first language. I’ve been thinking to myself If I were to pursue this further with her what it would be like. It’s not really going to be a dual income couple and I may have to bear the full brunt of all expenses in my high COL area (#1 or #2 in the country)
I just wanted to get your thoughts here. I talked to a few friends I went to school with and it seems pretty common to ecnounter this? Many of my friends that are married with kids usually have the wife as a stay at home mom or in some sort of flexible job like a realtor or virtual secretary. Usually they didn’t have much education or income also. Just coming from my family where the women have advanced degrees and work full time, and then also from my group of friends seeing this, it was just odd and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue this further. Seemed silly to get fixated on this but I don’t know if this would be a deal breaker for me.
12 comments
If all you care about is status and what your friends need to say about her, yeah don’t date that woman she deserves better.
I think the more important question is if you were to have a long-term relationship with her would you eventually feel resentful of supporting her? Some guys are ok with supporting a permanent stay at home housewife and some guys are not.
Have you been on actual dates with this woman?
Don’t put the cart before the horse.
She can be very clever and intelligent without formal education. She could be ambivalent about her career with an ivy league degree.
You’ll have to figure that out yourself by asking about her plans and goals. A teacher will have a different set of values from a banker, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Low income and no/low post secondary education isn’t the issue, the issue is if she’s lazy and has no goals/ambitions/dreams is a flashing neon red flag sign
What does she do all day? If the answer is anything other than trying to improve herself then that would be a hell no from me dawg
No. Whilst not in a dating context I personally spent too much time around duds with no future/drive and I whole heartedly believe their attitudes screwed me over.
Do you have any idea what the divorce rate for couples with both being “high ambition” people? Like Damn near 100%.
The most efficient and stable relationships have a carry and a support. Not downplaying the importance of support, it’s often much more difficult job. But God Damn if you can find a good support you’ll fly to challenger.
When I met my wife I was making 80k and she made like 20k. Now we make 250k+,depending how I do the taxes. It’s completely irrelevant that she stays home with the kids, we make the money as a team. I couldn’t do it without her. I’m 3 or 4 times better with her.
It’s tough- there are a few parts- her overall income, and her overall ambition.
Is she ambitious in other areas- cares about health, gets the most out of life, etc.
You are taking the hit on income, but does she have other traits to offset this? It’s tough because chemistry is hard to find- so she could make you a happy person even if the numbers don’t make sense.
I don’t need a woman who works 50-80hr weeks and wants to make 6 figures…
But a lazy do nothing bum…sounds like a mooch
Idk, there are caveats like someone who is working as a homemaker and doing a lot of tasks and jobs at home (raising children, housework management, planning things socially etc).
I’d like to have a relationship with someone who is either working a paid job or is working somewhere as a trainee/intern, i.e. someone that is trying to develop themselves.
Someone that gets up in the morning, has bad days and good days, but has something to talk about when they come home. Even if someone works remote (I wfh 3 days a week and go to the office 1 day a week) I speak with my colleagues through Teams or on the phone or email and I’ll have something to discuss with my partner during dinner.
This is a requirement for me personally.
She might be virtue signalling and pretending to like the things you are interested in. Idk.
Two people in a relationship grow. Like a tree. You grow. But the trick is to grow TOGETHER.
What matters in a woman is how good of a wife and mother she would be, not her career. Assuming you want a family.
Keep in mind that some girls like to emphasize their lack of ambition because they want a sugar daddy.
Maybe her ambition is to support a successful family. I am well educated but chose to support my husband in his business endeavors and focus on our family. I was able to take care of our children, homeschool, I was involved in lobbying for or against bills that would have an impact on our business. I was involved in philanthropic endeavors. I dressed him I protected his image. He did not need to leave work to take care of a sick child. He never had to leave work to meet the cable guy or plumber etc. He was focused on building a successful business. We ended up divorced after 28 years but I have never consider it a failed marriage.