My husband has a thing for girls cheating on their husbands. He wants to watch me cheat. I said absolutely not. He asked if I could just do it anyway and record it, I again said absolutely not. He then asked if I could just do it anyway and again, I said absolutely not.
He keeps asking me about it. He said “I don’t get it, why don’t you want to? It’s a win win?”
I tell him because I’m only interested in him and he doesn’t believe me. Idk I guess I don’t get it. It’s not a win win for me, it’s a lose lose.
Personally, if someone said “cheat on your husband or die” I’d take the bullet in a heartbeat.
Am I the weird one? Or are there any other women out there that truly have a negative desire for anyone other than their husband?
35 comments
Your husband needs to see a therapist he has serious issues with his self esteem and he needs to stop watching porn… in fact he might have a porn addiction that is fueling this kind of mentality
Sorry OP, I hope he gets the help he needs.
Just because he has a fetish doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to try to coerce you into participating. NO means NO. It’s honestly disrespectful that he keeps asking you when you’ve made yourself clear.
Hi there, I’m the one with that fetish. I recognize it’s a bad mentality and yes, I’m most cases it is porn induced. Your husband might be addicted to porn like myself. Me and my wife started by role playing BUT I had to stop watching all types of porn. and it got to a point, where I realized that I do not enjoy that stuff. It’s developed by content escalation, meaning you get bored of regular porn and need something more and more different every time until you end up in this weird categories. It is NOT easy, I still struggle with it but I’m doing better since I stopped watching porn.
I think this is called a cuckold fantasy. You definitely don’t want to jump directly into it, even if you were into it.
Often when husband’s do this with their wife, they get totally different feelings after the act. To put it a crude way, “Post Nut Clarity” is a VERY real thing and most men don’t realize how devastating those feelings of clarity can be.
There is a huge difference between role-playing your wife cucking you and having it really happen.
To get a better understanding of the correct/ safer way to introduced this into a relationship I would also post this on one of the ENM threads, but add you want to learn about a safe process. NOT to try to convince yourself to do it, but knowledge is power and you will be able to see how much your husband has researched this fantasy.
I would also suggest he get into IC so he can find out what is driving this fantasy; even to the point it’s causing his wife such distress and is obviously effecting his marriage negativity.
After a few months, when he’s begins to really understand why he has this obsession, I would get into MC so you both can have a place to communicate and talk in an atmosphere free of judgement.
This isn’t about cheating, this is about him trying to sexually coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do, which is have sex with someone else.
Keep your boundary here. Also, your husband needs some counseling. Furthermore, your husband needs to find some respect for you and respect that you say NO. If he has a problem with this it may be time to file for D.
It’s the classic cuckhold/hot wife fantasy. I personally just don’t understand why this gets some men off, but it’s been around so long it must be true.
I wouldn’t do it. Here is my reasoning.
1) He may be a true fetishist, in which case doing it would only have repercussions in your own mind. YOU will experience this as cheating, and it is there for harmful to you. So, you don’t do it.
2) He may be secretly planning on cheating himself, and has developed a foolproof plan to get away with it. By having you do it first, he thinks he gets a free pass. So, you don’t do it.
3) He may secretly want a divorce, and has developed a plan where YOU are going to come out as the bad guy. He wants video evidence of your cheating so he can show it to anyone to prove he is the aggrieved party, and will just deny your silly assertion he wanted you to cheat. It may also give him an advantage in the divorce as infidelity negates alimony in many states. So, you don’t do it.
In any case, don’t do it.
>Personally, if someone said “cheat on your husband or die” I’d take the bullet in a heartbeat.
I really hope you’re just exaggerating to get your point across. I genuinely don’t understand people’s adverse obsession with cheating. You’d really rather die??
Anyway, this is like if your husband tried to coerce you into anal or a blowjob. Pestering you and completely ignoring what your disgust with a sexual act is alarming to me.
I have a friend whose husband kept pressuring her to do this. She is so opposite this mentality. They have two kids. What really drove this cuckold fantasy was that he wanted to change genders and was wanting to get off by watching the other man being excited.
Eventually he did become a she, they divorced, the kids turned out fantastic, and my friend found happiness and no stress from a relationship with another man.
Your husband seems to be crossing your red line. Let him know you are not going to comfort ever or else he needs to go
Id duggest if he is asking you to sleep with other men its not cheating as he is aware. What he is interested in is whats call “hotwife” where the wife has extra marital sex for both there pleasure. What is not good id he is pursuing this when you continue to say no
Good luck i think you will need it
I would pack my bags and leave. That is so beyond disrespectful, he doesn’t value you as his wife. He’s basically pimping you out. You need to file for divorce bc he’s disgusting and doesn’t value you or your marriage.
It’s the insistence and pressure that are the problem, not the fetish.
Having a sexual fetish doesn’t make someone a porn addict or mean they need therapy. Sexual fetishes are quite normal to have and can be fun to explore if both people are on board. If both people are not, it can create major issues with sexual satisfaction and it might be a good idea to look into “soft” ways to explore his fantasy/fetish without actually doing it. Role play and such. Anyway, good luck.
When we first got married, my husband had this same fetish (cuckolding) and we’d argue about it because a) it’s not something I want to do, and b) he has admitted in non-horny moments that he would feel differently if he actually witnessed it versus just fantasizing about it.
Over the past couple of years, his porn consumption has heavily decreased which has put a lot of this behavior to bed. He’s finally at a point where he’s watching “normal porn” and doesn’t need the more extreme stuff.
With that said, he does still enjoy the fantasy to a degree so we’ve kind of compromised on this issue and now, if he has the fantasy during sex, he just has me tell him in detail about different sexual experiences I’ve had and blowjobs I’ve given prior to meeting him (and luckily for him I had a brief hoe phase). I think this scratches the itch because he can fantasize about and picture a real(ish) scenario in which I’m performing these acts, but I’m still fucking him and not stepping outside of my marriage. He’ll admit that he would lose his mind if I actually slept with someone else.
Honestly, it sounds like he might have more of a “I want to see you with another man” fetish rather than “I want to see you cheat” even though he calls it that. I could be off base here, but is it actually cheating if it something that he *wants* you to do?
Either way, you are not interested in whatever label he wants to call it, and that’s the most important thing. One should never do anything sexually that they don’t want to do.
Some fetishes or fantasies are best left in the realm of fiction. I don’t think that he understands the Pandora’s Box that would open even ***if*** you were willing to entertain this.
And for what it’s worth, you are not the only woman that does not want to go fool around with someone else. I guarantee you that if I went to my wife and said, “I want you to go bang some other guy,” the response will be, “Fine. I’ll go find some other guy, let you bang him to see if he’s any good, and then we can talk.”
Keep your boundary. He needs counseling. If he refuses, you should consider divorce.
Here’s the thing: if he wants you to have sex with other men and gets pushy about it, he doesn’t value you as a person.
This isn’t automatically the case with the fetish, but it can stem from a lack of value in one’s self or their partner.
I would treat this as any other request in the bedroom.
He asked, you said no. It should end there.
Him being persistent is not OK.
Do NOT my ex made me do this. He had a huge porn & sex problem. Along with other controlling issues. I went out & did it a few times with different people which I was super uncomfortable with. Sex wasn’t fun. He’d try pressuring me into making videos. Only did one on snap for like 5 seconds. But I’d give an im h he’d take a mile nothing was good enough. Or if I fucked someone then if we’d have an argument he’d throw it in my face. Or if I caught him trying to cheat he’d throw it in my face when this was HIS fantasy NOT mine & I hated it. Until I started sleeping with one of my guy friends. He was cool he’d take me out pay for outings & we were really sexually compatible but I think it’s just because I was comfortable & was attracted to him. I then started the divorce proceeding after I realized I could have a NORMAL relationship where the guy wasn’t controlling or abusive. I didn’t stay with my guy friend after but he did help on me realizing I wasn’t happy emotionally, sexually, financially with my ex husband. So yeah that’s my experience. Now I’m happily married monogamously. & it’s nice to not have the extra pressure or “rules”
Sounds like he wants to cheat on you but would rather you do the same so he doesn’t feel like it’s wrong.
Is it possible that he has already cheated or wants to? Could this be his way of getting you to encourage him to cheat?
No you’re not the weird one. This is a fetish that isn’t exactly uncommon but also is vastly not the norm. It’s *extremely* popular in porn which started making less sense to me when I realized most guys watching it are putting themselves in the shoes of the husband and not the other guy.
Anyway, no, you should not do it if you aren’t enthusiastically into it. You should tell your husband “no, never, stop asking” and if he continues to bring it up explain that he’s causing irreparable damage to the marriage by not letting this thing that you are *never, ever* doing go.
Like others have said, he has a cuckold fetish. Which in and of itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing as long as he’s in a relationship where both partners enjoy that particular kink and have fantastic communication skills.
Except, he’s not in that type of relationship, you don’t share that kink, and his communication skills are abysmal.
You are monogamous. End of story.
There’s no debating that, there’s not bargaining, there’s no win win compromise here. You only want one person and that’s the way you’re wired. That’s not weird, that’s pretty much the status quo for the vast majority of couples.
Is there a food he absolutely hates? You can try explaining it as what he’s doing is like someone offering him an all you can eat supply of that food and expecting him to be happy because it’s free despite knowing he hates the food.
If he needs that in a relationship, he needs to find another woman.
Also, tell him to knock off the cuckold porn, or potentially porn altogether.
I’m generally in favor of humoring kinks for your partner by doing low level things like role-play or talking dirty, but in this case I would not be encouraging it at all as he’s already not respecting your boundaries. Being game to experiment with new things only works if there is trust and communication. He’s ignored you saying this is a hard no and he’s kept pushing despite your protests. That is a huge red flag.
One thing I might warn you about is if there are any x rated photos he’s taken of you. The internet is full of guys like your husband who get off on “sharing” their wife with other guys. The issue is, a lot of the time those wives don’t know they’re being shared. You may want to do a reverse image search or directly ask him and gauge his response.
sounds like a fetish shaped from an unhealthy porn addiction.
I could never do that. I haven’t even flirted with other men since being married. Sleeping with another man, even if my husband wants it, would never be ok with me. I’ve been with the same man for nearly 30 years. I don’t want to put myself at risk for an STD, not to mention the emotional aspect of it all!
I think your husband has a cuckold fetish. He probably just thinks it will be sexually satisfying for him to know you had sex with another man that wasn’t him.
Not a lot of guys are like that but some are. Just stick to your guns and don’t do it.
No it’s not weird that you’re like that because I am too. and also, anytime my husband started broaching subjects like this in the 10 years we have been together… it was during the ten months he was having an affair.
After he was discovered and had to admit to it, he told me “the only way reconciliation would work is if I cheated and leveled the playing field”. I made is crystal clear I would not and he could not make me- and he dropped it. Never mentioned again.
>He said “I don’t get it, why don’t you want to? It’s a win win?” I tell him because I’m only interested in him and he doesn’t believe me. Idk I guess I don’t get it. It’s not a win win for me, it’s a lose lose.
I get that he has a fetish but this doesn’t jive with me. He views it as ‘*win-win*’, but why? He’s viewing it as win-win because I think he has this underlying thought that everyone wants to sleep with multiple people while in a committed relationship? Maybe I’m wrong here, but that’s definitely **not** what everyone wants. I’m looking to be married and be exclusive – I’m not only perfectly fine with monogamy, *it’s what I want*.
So the mindset he has is… *off*…IMO.
Your husband needs r/cuckold psychology. You need a more respectful husband. If I was in your position, I’d think it was a set up 🤷♂️ So disrespectful to have him hound you like that !!
Tell him that not all fantasies are meant to be manifested and if he has to, he can use his imagination.
I understand why this bothers you. You are monogamous and in your heart you cannot fathom allowing another man into this intimate space with you. It feels like a violation of your character, regardless of whether or not it’s “with permission”. That’s ok. You don’t have to feel bad because it isn’t your idea of a good time to fulfill your husbands cuckhold fantasy.
Whatever the reasoning, you should never violate your own personal boundaries and ethics to try and satisfy the sexual fantasy of someone else. You will be the one that carry’s that experience. It would be happening to you. You don’t have to be ok with it. And frankly the fact he isn’t respecting your boundary on this is a huge red flag. Whether it’s because he wants to cheat, or has a massive porn addiction, or this is just the slippery slope of his desires, if you aren’t interested do not cave. He is being disrespectful to you and you have every right to be uncomfortable.
I like CNC quite a bit, I enjoy the rougher take what you want kind of encounters. My husband likes it to a line. He’s afraid of it crossing into territory that we can’t walk back or hurting me somehow and me getting emotionally scarred from an encounter and he does not like it. As much as I enjoy it, I try not to pressure him too hard because I don’t want to cross a boundary with him. Sex should be something you’re mutually enjoying and feeling safe and secure in. He’s crossing a boundary with you and you’ve got every right to say, “no thank you” and he should respect that.
Definitely recommend him detoxing from the porn and getting back to a baseline. But no, this doesn’t make you weird for not wanting this, even with his permission. I wouldn’t do it either.
You’re not weird and you don’t have to do this. You already said no, which is a full sentence. Repeatedly asking is inappropriate.
This is also a fantasy that most people realize they hate once it’s already happening, which your spouse would likely take out on you.
This is a trap!
Maybe you can play with a dildo and narrate a story to see if that satisfies his desire without crossing your boundaries?
My ex had this same fetish. I really tried to make it work without actually having sex with other people. I would act it out with toys, roleplay, lots of dirty talk during sex about cheating with other men. But all of our sex life revolved around his fetish. He couldn’t get off or keep an erection if I wasn’t engaging this fetish. MY sexual needs were not being met at all. Ultimately we stopped having sex very often and eventually broke up.
But to answer your question no one here is “the weird one”. I don’t think he should be shamed for his fetish but it’s okay if you are not into it. No one here is weir dor bad but you don’t sound sexually compatible.
Look, some men have this fetish.
To you, it’s not a fetish. (To me, either)
But it is very clearly a boundary issue that may break your marriage. The fact that he is persistent says that he should have discussed it with you before you got married, and it may be such a strong fetish that he can’t let it go. Be warned, it may drive him to cheat. Also – this could be him “projecting” maybe he has gone to a swingers club and cheated, and he wants you to do so as well so he doesn’t feel so bad.
Since he is using the word “cheat” instead of “fetish”, “turn-on” or “cuckolding” I think it’s pretty likely that he has cheated at some point… It also explains the persistence. I’d be very quiet and take a look at his internet history and emails, texts etc.
You could be married for many more years, and never find out, until he infects you with an STI if he has cheated or done this with another married couple already. Many men will never confess or hand over their phone, so unfortunately, It’s best to find out now as bad as that sounds.