To be honest, our sex routine has gotten very stale. I feel like I am just laying there while he gets himself off. It’s very routine like and I can’t get myself ready. I wish there was foreplay, even if it’s a minute, but when he’s horny to have sex, I feel like he kinda expects me to immediately be ready. I have no signs of arousal, but I try my best. Tbh it does make me feel a little down, especially bc I don’t know how to tell him that I need to be prepared without him getting upset.
Once we are in the bedroom, he turns the lights completely off and most times I wonder if he’s just imagining other women. I personally like it a little dim w a desk lamp cuz it gets me in the mood to see him looking at me, but I don’t really think he’s comfortable? It makes me feel less desired and I can’t get into sex when I feel this way. I suppose shame is the best word to describe how I feel about myself, but perhaps it’s just that he has confidence issues when the light is on.
He doesn’t like having sex when I’m on my period. I just offer to blow him or whatnot but I do feel neglected and undesirable during this time. Kinda understandable bc it does get messy. But I am the horniest during this time so I just have to get myself off.
I love him and I do believe that he loves me, but I can’t help but notice that a lot of the attraction we initially had has diminished after 4 years. I don’t have intentions on cheating on him. While we both have sexual trauma, I really want to enjoy sex. I hope we are able to work things out. I want to tell him but I fear he will get upset or hurt.
2 comments
Have you tried talking to him about this issues? And asked for change?
Your needs matter, you need to tell him! So men are ignorant when it comes to pleasuring a woman. But be direct with him, or he may not take it seriously.