Update: SHE DIDNT CHEAT. I’m going to delete my profile but keep this up because I think it’s important that people understand victims are everywhere and there’s no personal information here. Her coworker, not Emily, but a barely legal secretary came to our house with all the proof I needed. Her boyfriend is a 57 year old man that has spent years grooming her and the second she turned 18 they left her state to move here and be together. She showed me pictures of bruises and beatings as well as texts and recorded calls of her abuser. She did cheat on him and she is pregnant. No I will absolutely not be telling this man about it. I would hope that any of you that found yourself in this situation would do the same. I’m very proud that my girlfriend is helping her with the police report and finding a great lawyer. She’s a very strong woman to risk her safety and relationship to do this. Her strange behavior all makes sense. This is very scary situation that she’s now involved in. My gf also had a miscarriage before we started dating and this whole situation has really fucked with her. She didn’t cheat, she did nothing wrong but I do not think we will last. She does want children and I don’t. I won’t deny her an ounce of happiness in life so we have a lot to discuss as a couple. I really appreciate the thoughtful advice that I received. I’m happy this isn’t ending on a note of cheating but this is entirely more fucked up than I could have ever guessed. Fuck creepy old dudes that think this okay. I don’t care that it’s technically legal. This is gross and the difference cognitively from an 18 year old to a 57 year old is insane.

TLDR: I confronted my gf about the box of opened pregnancy tests and she said they weren’t for her but they were for a cheating coworker. I’m just not sure what to even think now.

I posted a few days ago about finding pregnancy tests, I’ve included the original post at the bottom of this one. My gf is now claiming that the tests were for a coworker that’s cheating on her husband. When I originally asked her about the tests she was (very) drunk and made up a lie about them being for a sister. A sister that’s out of state and ten hours away.

This entire thing has been eating away at me so I asked her for some kind of proof. She said she couldn’t do anything but invite her coworker over to “clear the air.” I agreed to host dinner but I asked if I could look through her phone. We’ve never done this. We both have the passwords and are set up for Face ID in each others phones. But, we’ve never really looked through each others phones, that I’m aware of.

She acted like it was not big deal and gave me her phone while she got ready for work. I looked through everything, found nothing in her messages, nothing on snap and nothing in her emails.

I did find her instagram app, I didn’t know she had an instagram. I don’t have a Facebook or an instagram and haven’t since I was in high school. I opened the app and found her messages. She had sent out flirty messages to a couple men and women. Nothing that I’d be super upset about they were all out of state and we don’t have any rules about flirting with strangers. But, I did find many messages sent to a woman named Emily. I’ve never heard of her nor have I ever seen her but I think she works at the same firm as my gf. Most of the recent messages exchanged are from my gf complaining about us and how much she wants kids.

Guys, we’ve had many long conversations lead by my gf where she’s said she doesn’t want kids. I also have no desire for them. So I’m just confused. There’s also not a single message from Emily saying that she’s had an affair or might possibly be pregnant. I’m hosting dinner tonight but if this Emily shows up I’m not sure I’ll be able to hold myself together.

My gf is cheating on me right?!? Like nothing else makes sense. I can’t find concrete proof of her talking to anyone local, man or woman. I mean traveling for sex isn’t unheard of but that’s a fuck ton of effort.

This entire thing has made me question a lot about my relationship. I’m happy, I’m working hard for US and I love her. I always have. We knew each other in Highschool and growing up in a small town was tough. But she got me through it. We didn’t start dating until I moved back home and I’m making myself sick thinking about this ending.

But with what I know how unusual she’s acting there has to be more going on here. Right? I don’t even know what to ask her. I asked if she cheated and she swore up and down that she wasn’t. Does this sound like she’s telling the truth? I just don’t even feel like I’m capable of judging this situation in any way. I feel so gross. Is it even worth having the dinner?

Original post

I [f26] found pregnancy tests in my [f25] makeup drawer
by u/throwralesbegal in relationship_advice


29 comments

  2. Oh my. She made up 2 different stories about the tests. At the very least she’s a liar. Nobody keeps pregnancy tests at home for someone else. Her friend or sister could run out, pick up a test, take it and never take it to their home. The tests are for your girlfriend. If she’s not cheating, she’s planning to.

  3. She’s prob cheating, or, at the VERY LEAST, she’s covering up an affair of someone whos married, like, the BEST scenario shes helping a coworker to cheat on her husband, that means not only she’s ok with someone cheating but she’s helping with the cheating too, that’s not someone i would like to have on a commited relationship. You find yourself in either she have a HUGE redflag of she is straight up cheating, i would start to work on my leaving plan.

  4. She lied multiple times would be enough for me to end it. However a woman traveling to meet a guy who blows her back out isn’t unheard of. Some women will go to great lengths to meet a guy they enjoy having sex with. Also 99.9% of cheaters are going to lie and say they aren’t cheating, bc they are already liars. Some will even say they aren’t cheating even if you have proof.

  5. Maybe she’s cheating, maybe she’s trying to get pregnant with you and hiding it. Did you ever tell her you don’t want kids? Maybe she lied to you about not wanting kids to keep you around. Do you use condoms/birth control? Maybe check the condoms to see if they have been tampered with. Maybe she’s not taking her birth control. You need to have a talk with her.

  6. Yeah, this does not look great. I mean, does it really matter if she cheated at this point? The way I see it there are two options:

    1. She did cheat on you and she is lying. It’s true that there is nothing on her phone (as in chats with a potential AP) but she is flirting with strangers online. Who’s to say that she is not doing it in real life? All it takes is flirting with a stranger at the bar, hooking up and BOOM possible pregnancy. You don’t really need a chat for that.

    2. She is telling the truth and is covering for her cheating coworker. Which still doesn’t look great. The fact that she would help and cover someone who is betraying their partner says a lot about her character. Again, who’s to say that one day she is not going to do it herself? She doesn’t seem to have a problem with her coworker doing it. (Considering though that there is no mention of the coworker affair or a pregnancy test in their chats makes this theory unlikely)

    ALSO, she confessed to her coworker that she DOES want kids when you two agreed on being childfree. If that is true there is no future for your relantionship. She wants a child you don’t. That is a fundamental incompatibility.

    See how this dinner goes but the way I see it this relantionship is dead either way.

  7. Yeah she is cheating or best case is covering up for someone else which is shitty in itself and says all you need to know about her views on cheating. Sorry man, but staying with cheaters ain’t worth it.

  8. 2 choices.

    1. She is cheating but trying to get pregnant and passing it as yours

    2. She is trying to get pregnant by you to baby trap you.

    Cancel the dinner because her & that coworker are rehearsing what they are gonna say to you.

    You need to protect yourself, start wearing condoms, go get tested for STDs, and use spermicide. Whatever you can to stop from babies happening on your end

  9. So … the *best case* scenario is that she’s supportive of cheating. She thinks cheating is ok. You might want to think about that for a bit.

    And yes, the changing story is suspicious as hell.

  10. If she’s made up more than one story to cover up, she’s definitely hiding something, and her original reaction and behavior screams cheating.

  11. So Emily is either a no show or coming to actually lie to your face to back up your gfs claims. Grill her. She will slip up somewhere. Like when the test was taken. What kind of test? Ask details about her affair. Verify she is in a relationship (if she is she would be worried your going to out her) Pointedly ask gf in Emily’s presence why she is claiming to want kids but telling you no.

    Someone commented before about battery usage showing recent apps, even if deleted. Likely other sources to find deleted info as well. Good chance she deleted all evidence.

    If we’re all wrong update us. Be nice to see it’s not a cheating scandal for once.

  12. You don’t need a “rule” against flirting
    If you are in a monogamous relationship (which u are) it’s basically the whole baseline of your relationship that it’s just 1-1 between you two.
    Then her “flirting” with other people is still cheating. Just not physically but there’s different types of cheating
    It also doesn’t matter if these people are “out of state” or not because what happens when they come to state? Come over for a “friendly” visit?

    Op, this is your sign to grow a spine

    She lied twice
    Then lied about “not wanting kids”
    And is now airing out your relationships dirty laundry with other people
    And God dammit op you know damn well those tests aren’t for anyone else other than herself SHES A CHEAT.
    You don’t need text proof to hookup with someone in person

  13. Yeah I mean, the doubt really comes in the lies she told initially, and the fact thats shes changing her story. Very suspicious. Also the no messages thing just means she could have deleted them really- so that’s not necessarily the truth either. I don’t know. I mean what was the point of her lie in the beginning? And then changing her story again….????? Like…. there’s zero logic to that if she was actually telling the truth. Plus even if a friend were cheating there’s no reason to buy a WHOLE box and then have a friend “keep it”…. thats wierd frankly. And the fact that she’s lesbian (or at least bi in a lesbian relationship) BUT flirting with strange men online??? I mean… how else do you get pregnant by accident without a man? I don’t know this all…. too many red flags. And then she’s also pretty chilled with helping a cheater cover up. I mean… yeah….

  14. OP, rather than go through the whole dinner thing why not just ask her to do a test in front of you?

  15. Either she is cheating, or she is okah supporting her friend cheating on their husband. Either way, she clearly does not value relationships, and either thinks cheating is acceptable, or actively engages in it. Either way, I’d be running.

  17. She sobered up, thought of a “better” excuse, cleaned out her phone, and put off the confrontation so she can get some coworker to take the fall for her.

    Your girlfriend *is* the cheating coworker. Whoever she’s going to invite over for dinner is the one covering up for *her*.

  18. If i read in your other post, you work very much right now. We often think it must get proof for cheating but the good old going in a bar/club and getting a guy for fucking doesn’t leave any proofs. Do you have a ringdoor camera or so, so that you know if she brought back guys home or leaves the hone dressed up when you are at work?

    The pregnancy tests are for herself. If you don’t want them at home, you buy one and use a toilet in a store or even a bush. You don’t buy a big-savers-pack and then “upsi, what should i do with them? Oh co-worker…?”

  19. Let’s assume she is telling the truth (unlikely). Why in the hell would you date someone who covers for her coworker cheating? That’s only one small step from doing it herself.

    Now let’s be realistic. She’s cheating.

  21. If the messages on her IG talk about wanting to have kids, is it possible that she’s not cheating but trying to get pregnant by OP? And lying because she knows he doesn’t want that?

  22. She originally told you one lie, then made up another lie about it (which I think this second story she’s giving you is.) I think she’s cheating unfortunately

  27. So she’s telling you she’s actively helping a cheater get away with their infidelity? To me, that’s not much better than the alternatives. It says something really ugly about her lack of integrity.

  29. So happy everything worked out for you! Even happier you talked to her. Children can be adopted! So don’t discount that.

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