I don’t really know what I am supposed to do apart from just not be myself.
I try to find clubs with hobbies I am interested in. I try starting conversations. I try going out. I even sometimes try to organize stuff. Rejections, ghosting, ignoring…
Nothing. Everything seems like a one way street. I am not very smart, or funny or good with words. I don’t have anything interesting to say.
I am scared to try to impose invitations on people because I don’t feel wanted and alienating the few people in my life seems like throwing months of work in the bin. I am scared to talk because I rarely have much to say about anything or am able to say the right things. I don’t know what lines are safe to cross and what lines are disastrous. Everything I do is a failure.
I feel unlovable and hopeless. Not much seems to make any sense.