My mind is all over the place when I write so please excuse me if I’m typing like a dummy.b
I’ve known my gf for about 7 years, we started dating a few months ago and the relationship got controlling less than a week in, started off slow with just blocking people she didn’t like or approve of, gradually got to the point of not talking to certain close friends of mine because she didn’t like them. I tried to leave multiple times and each time something comes up, whether it be the pregnant card or self harm. The relationship turned physical fairly fast, the fights would always be about either my ex, me taking too long at a store(I’ve never cheated on anybody I’ve been with, but she would say that that’s what I’m doing), etc. she would start by hitting things around her, smashing things in her apartment, throwing my belongings around. Then it would get to shoving or slapping me, punching my arm/chest, kicking my legs. Another big thing she does is try to break my gadgets(laptop, PlayStation, phone) It would get to the point where I would have to just grab her and hug her really tightly to restrain her, or just simply try to leave the situation(I usually would not be allowed to leave). I have never hit or struck her, I grew up in an all women house and am also an immigrant so I know any kind of domestic situation could get me deported. I did bruise her shoulder recently while holding her down so she would stop hitting me, she’s anemic and bruises easily, that doesn’t excuse it and it shouldn’t have happened, but I just wanted her to stop. Ever since that happened she’s been threatening me with showing cops a photo of the bruise to get me arrested any time I try to leave her or just leave whatever fight is happening.
She recently got evicted from her apartment so I took her with me to work in my semi truck, one of the fights we had in the two week period she was with me on the road was over her asking me to get her a drink from the fridge in my truck when I already had my seat belt on and was just starting to roll, I didn’t say it rudely, she just didn’t like the tone anyway and it ended up with a 3 hour standoff at a truck stop where she stormed off and wouldn’t get back in, made an embarrassing scene inside the store, etc.
For the last week we’ve been back in our home town, staying in the truck due to her eviction and me not having my own apartment anymore since I’ve started working on the road as a trucker, it’s been really weird and I haven’t been allowed to leave her presence, there was a pretty bad fight last night over me wanting to spend some of my birthday with my family separately from her, it ended up turning physical and I fortunately recorded some of the incident including a video of her kicking me, and holding my dog essentially hostage so I wouldn’t leave, threatening self harm, etc. Today I finally reached out to a family member for help because I couldn’t take it any more, they came and supervised as I got some of my stuff out of the truck to take to my family members home, I left her in my truck because i didn’t want to just kick her out on the street.
I need to go back on the road to work in two days and i will have to kick her out when I do, whether that be by her choice(which I’ve tried to do) or by assistance from the police. I’ve been scared for months, I haven’t been able to leave due to constant threats that she’ll ruin my life or find a way to get me deported. Am I the asshole for breaking up with her at this point in her life? What can I do about the threats of getting me arrested or ruining my life? I never thought I’d be in a situation like this and it’s really sucking the life out of me, I’ve never been this unhappy.
1 comment
This gal sounds like a real piece of work and you’re lucky to have gotten out of there before things escalated even further. I mean, she was physically abusive to you and was threatening to ruin your life and get you arrested? Are you kidding me? That’s straight up crazy talk.
Listen, it’s not your job to take care of her, especially when she’s treating you like that. It’s not your responsibility to make sure she’s okay, especially when she’s been treating you like garbage. You need to prioritize your own well-being and safety. If you have to go back on the road, then you need to kick her to the curb, no questions asked.
As for her threats, if she tries to get you arrested or ruin your life, you need to go to the authorities immediately. Don’t let her intimidate you or control you any longer. You’re done with that.
And as for whether you’re the ahole for leaving her at her lowest, dude, she’s at her lowest because of her own actions. Not because of you leaving. She’s been physically abusive, making threats, and holding your dog hostage. That’s not you being the ahole, that’s her being a freaking psycho.
Take care of yourself, bro. You deserve better than this.