So I’ve been seen this guy for 3 weeks. We get along well, have similar communication style. He’s been texting me every day, and I’m trying to match his effort even though I don’t typically like to text.
We met 4-5 times in the first two weeks, 0 this week because he’s busy. And that’s fine, he’s got a demanding job, I’m ok with that.
What I’m not ok with is that we’ve made 3 plans for this week and had to reschedule for each and every one of them. First time was because work schedule change, ok. Second time was the night before he told me he has limited time for the date and I suggested reschedule.
Today is the third time. In the afternoon he invited me to dinner at his place tomorrow. A couple hours later he told me he forgot he had some other stuff planned with other people.
I texted him “you realize that this is the third time we have to reschedule stuff within this week”
He says sorry, explains that he’s been busy this week.
I said “I understand busy. Just don’t plan stuff if you don’t have the time”
He said that’s why he notified me in advance to reschedule every time(??), again explained how busy he’s been.
I haven’t replied because this is heading towards a fight. If we have things planned I expect you to stick to it. And I understand that things happen but 3 reschedules in a week makes me feel pretty unhappy. But he apparently thinks he’s justified.
IDK, am I expecting too much?
22 comments
I don’t think you’re expecting too much. TBH, his third cancellation makes me think of the validity of the first 2. I dunno, i would have cleared my plans to make it up to you the third time around. But what’s really important is that this is how things are going to be for you all the time if you decide to pursue this. I’d bow out.
You are not expecting too much…how can a relationship develop if they don’t invest in it? I would ask them what they are looking for. If they want something casual and you don’t, there’s your answer. Or if they are looking for something serious but think this is the way to go about it, that’s another answer.
The third excuse was kinda lame. What’s your boundary for rescheduling dates? You should be clear about that.
Is multiple consecutive rescheduling something that you can put up with?
I am an introvert and have some social anxiety , i like to mentally prepare myself for interactions with relatively new people in advance, i would not like to be in this situation.
It’s probably because he has other chicks that he will rather hang out with and you might be the back up, kind sucks that he’s making plans with you OR he has a wife/ serious girlfriend and is tryna to make plans with you on the side.
He’s keeping you on the line while looking for something else. I’d cut bait
Nah just move on. Maybe it was a once off and he just had a really busy week but imo if you’re this close to a fight this early it’s just not a good sign
Once is fine, twice is hmm, three is nope!
I know this sounds bad but sounds like he had a better offer. You deserve more!
Don’t walk. Run.
After this third time, instead of going back and forth, I’d be like “thanks have a good evening, then promptly delete his number and quietly move on.
It sucks but tis the reality of dating. Sometimes things fizzle out. Let it fizzle out in peace and move on. Doesn’t have to be back and forth or drama. More fish in the sea.
If you like him enough, you can try to meet with him again in person to talk about how you think these last-minute cancellations are rude (you should only have this conversation face-to-face). Then you can see if his behavior changes. However, it truly does sound like he might be “breaking up” with you through his actions simply through never being available to meet again.
You could try saying, “I really need a few days’ notice to get something on my social calendar, so let me know what works for you next week, or maybe the week after since things seem busy for you.”
If anything, make sure he is the one leading the charge on planning the next date, and make sure it’s extremely convenient for you. Pretty much assume that he will cancel and make sure you have other fun plans you can join last-minute.
If it were me, I would already be done with this person for not respecting my time.
No, the third time isn’t a very good excuse either and he wasn’t very apologetic or empathic towards your feelings. Honestly, what a jerk. People all deserve to be treated with care and as humans with feelings, not objects. His actions do not demonstrate character or care towards you.
Is this how you want to feel with someone? Are you okay with being treated this way? Just something to think about.
It’s the 3rd reschedule that gets me. That definitely is a problem. You don’t need to cut this guy quite yet but you should definitely pull back for a bit.
He’s **not really** interested in you, sorry.
He got what he wanted those 4-5 times.
You’re not expecting too much. There’s being busy, and then there’s whatever this is. If he really wanted to see you, he would make it happen. Once I could understand, maybe even twice. But on the third time, *within a few hours of the invite*, if I were in his shoes and knew I had jerked you around two previous times, I’d be trying to rearrange my plans with my friends and keep my plans with you. It sounds like he’s either not that interested or that he struggles to juggle his social/work calendar, and I don’t see the second one getting better with time.
Unfortunately with the dating landscape such that it is, I would begin to think he was getting a better offer and bailing on me for that. Or that he has a girlfriend (who he obviously doesn’t live with, if he invited you over) who changed *her* plans so he needed to be available for her. Cancelling on you ONCE without being the one to then suggest another time/date and activity is not ideal but three times is unacceptable. If someone cancels on you I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect they would suggest another time and date to make it clear they do still want to see you and then *they actually follow through*.
I think you have been patient enough and this guy is not worth your investment of time or energy anymore.
Tell him to use his calendar app.
And if he messes up again that’s it.
Not worth the time, just move on. That’s pretty disheartening rescheduling 3x in a row. :/
Don’t wait for this dude, there is plenty of other men who will make time for YOU! If it’s already like this now, imagine a full relationship with him….
People mis-estimate what they have time for all the time. Studies show we’re actually terrible at estimates. If he knew he didn’t have time, he wouldn’t have tried. But it seems he’s trying real hard to make it work. Real life gets in the way, and it will get in the way in the future–no matter who you’re dating.
You know, it’s hard to say. As someone who works quite demanding and, at times, unpredictable hours, I’ve been guilty of rescheduling or postponing dates. But I also feel like you tend to get used to the business and know when it’ll be more or less blocked, and when you can more safely than not schedule a date. Idk, though, rescheduling in favor of meeting with some ppl sounds sketch.
This is a tough one, I used to work a job where I was always on call and could have to go in to work at any given time. The guy I was dating was patient as heck when it come yo rescheduling plans. There was once a stretch of about 12 days where we made plans and I had to reschedule every day.
The fact that he was so understanding was amazing and I loved him even more for it, but I would also never expect anyone to tolerate that kind of work schedule if it wasn’t working for them.
If he is in the same boat with his work life I feel bad for him and do think he probably really wanted to keep his plans. But that doesn’t mean your lives are compatible and you have to stick it out.
Just trying to offer another perspective