I (28M) am currently living with my now ex partner (27F). The reasons are multiple and these aren’t really something that can be worked around.
1) we have a a child together and it’s better for them to have us raising her together when possible.
2) neither of us can realistically move out anywhere else.
As a result we’re living together still.
As for the breakup; from their pov that I can tell they’ve felt lonely, trapped, and emotionally unfulfilled for a long time. We did discuss something like this months ago and I’d been under the impression things were better up until they told me how bad things actually were. Now that we’re not together as such, they feel free.
From my perspective things seemed okay. When we talked before I started making more effort to pay attention by a little bit and from what I could tell it worked. Now it feels as if when we finally have communicated exactly what they expect in a relationship (more romance, spontaneity, etc) they decided its too late.
My question here then is this: while living together what are some steps I can take to get them to realize its not too late and I’m willing and able to do better? I know it won’t be mediate but in a few weeks even I’d like to be able to talk to them about trying to date again, but I don’t know what to do until then.
As it stands we can still joke around like normal, just while trying to avoid old habits like nicknames and kisses.
TLDR: we’re currently taking a break from the relationship to be friends for a while while living together with our child. What can I do during these next months to try and have another chance?
3 comments
Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything you can do other than give them space and try to mentally work toward life just as coparents.
I saw this with empathy, as someone whose spouse left them under similar circumstances (although, I found out much later, that there was someone else). Your energy would be better spent not harboring false hopes. I hope I’m wrong, but your partner seems quiet certain. Good luck to you.
As someone who relates to your girlfriend and kept asking for space from their husband, I can tell you that the more you push the more that she will pull away. I kept asking my husband for space and he didn’t give it to me. It took him moving out and seeing a marriage counselor before he did give me the space that I needed/wanted. It’s only been a week, but I feel like I want to reach out to him now, that I feel like I can breathe.
You sound just like my husband…he also did not listen to anything that I said. You should look at your relationship and see if there are other situations where she would feel that you are not listening to her. (Sorry if I’m projecting, I cannot stress enough how much your post sounds like multiple conversations that my husband and I had)
Sorry but there isn’t anything you can do here. Your ex has said they’re done. It’s too little too late. The more you push, the more your ex is just going to want to get away from you faster. Also, the priority here is your shared kid. Lay down the foundation for a respectful co-parenting relationship WITHOUT the expectations of a romantic partnership. The romantic partnership is over and the sooner you accept that, the better. It also doesn’t matter if there is someone else or not. Your ex communicated that things weren’t working MONTHS ago. THAT was the time to fix things. You didn’t listen then, which is what led to this. And now you think that NOT listening yet again is going to help you?? Smarten up.