Me[20m] and my gf[19f] are 3 years together.
In this tuesday my gf turned 19.
Her bday gone as follows:
She, her mother and her young sister gone to the beach.
after that i took her to a picnic on a cliff.
When we got home she was surprized with a surprize party that i aranged.
After the party she and her family had gone to an expensive resturant without me(money isnt the issue).
After the surprize party ended i asked her if i am coming with them to the resturant and she said that her mother told her that i am not.
I helped her family to clean up their house after the party end left. I felt humilated. After a long day with her it felt to me like her parents are kicking me out her house.
Its important to note that I asked her multiple times during her bday to ask her mother if i am coming with them, and her mother did not reply. it felt like she knew that not inviting me is insulting.
I know that even if i am her bf for 3 years it doesnt mean that i am apart of her core family, but i do expect an invitation to her bday dinner at least.
It also doesnt help that my family treats my gf as a part of us. She is always invited when we go to resturants, and she was invited twice to a hotel with us. Her family might not treat me like this and this is ok, but my bare expectation from them was to at least be invited to her bday.
My parents saw me come home devestated after the surprize party, and are now pressuring me to not go to her house for the time being. They know that i feel insulted by her parents.
Her parents also know how i feel about the situation, and they told my gf to tell me that they are sorry, but it doesnt realy feel like they mean it.
I feel like i dont want to see them for the time being.
I also feel like her parents do not get how insulted i feel, and i want them to know that they realy hurt my feelings.
What should i do, to express to her parents how insulting that move was, that will not ruin our relationship, and my relationship with my gf?
TL;DR – me[20m] and my gf[19f] are 3 years together. I wasnt invited to a family dinner at her bday. I feel like they do not know how insulting that was for me.
What can i do to express that to them, that will not ruin our relationship?
6 comments
This is not an issue between you and her parents, and you should not talk to them about it. This is an issue between you and your girlfriend, and you should talk to her about it. You should discuss how you want to be treated by her family, and ask her if she’s willing to insist on that to them or not. Your girlfriend chose to accept an invitation from her family to dinner that excluded you. She could have chosen not to do so. You need to discuss how things will be going forward. Maybe she doesn’t feel close enough to you yet to insist on making you a part of her family life – if so, good to know. Maybe she never intends to do so – in which case you might want to rethink the relationship. But this is an issue between you and your girlfriend.
I think you are making you girlfriends birthday all about you. You did get to spend valuable time with her on her birthday. You went to the cliffs together and then had the surprise party at her parents house. Then her family wanted to spend some time alone with her at dinner. If you were married and not invited I would consider that insulting potentially but you are not married.
Stop for a moment and take into consideration your girlfriend. You are putting her in a position to choose you over her family and that is not a good thing to do. It’s great that your family has invited her to every event but that doesn’t mean her family is obligated to do the same. Every family and relationship is different.
I think your age and maturity level have something do do with this as well. Instead of thinking this is an insult against you and deciding how you will refuse to go to their house again, instead think that this is their daughter they have raised from a baby and they wanted to have a special dinner with her. Perhaps they wanted to talk about certain things or give her a special present.
Point is, HER birthday is not about YOU.
> she said that her mother told her that i am not.
> i do expect an invitation to her bday dinner at least.
You’re the boyfriend, her parents are not yet fully accepting of you. You want them to be, and you’re fretting over unrequited wantship.
This came to a head when her family (her parents) wanted time with her during their daughter’s birthday at a birthday dinner, which excluded your participation. You’d had earlier birthday activities with their daughter, BUT, you’re not getting Everything on her bday.
You’re also holding your parents’ more relaxed and inviting behaviour towards your gf, over her parents’ stand offish behaviour to you. All of this is NOT under your control. You’re not even married to their daughter. It’s up to her family, not you, as to how they feel. Take this under consideration moving forward if and when contemplating marriage.
How’s your gf feel about all this? Does she openly think you’re over reacting?
They are allowed to want to spend time with your girlfriend alone, this is very normal. Many people have birthday time with their partner, without their partner, just with their friends. It seems like you’re more insulted about not being invited than you are actually focused on your girlfriend having a good birthday.
It was her birthday not yours. I don’t understand how it is an insult to you that her parents wanted to have just family time for her birthday. Sounds like you got to spend most of the day with her including a party. It’s not like she ditched you the whole day or something for friends.
You spent valuable time together. She probably just wanted some time alone with her family. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, evidently, otherwise she wouldn’t have spent so much time with you. It’s fine to feel upset, we all feel emotions, but this isn’t something you should put on her or her relatives. Do some reflecting, cheer yourself up and realize that her birthday wasn’t about you.