My partner is hyper sexual and has a very high libido whenever we spend time together, and often touches me sexually. I don’t hate it, but sometimes I feel coerced into doing sexual things that I am not comfortable with. I know I can just say I don’t like it, but it’s sometimes hard to say no at the moment, especially because I love him and don’t want to make him feel rejected. How do you tell your partner in the moment that you want some personal space, or just not in the mood for sexual things without hurting their feelings?
8 comments
This is always hard at first. Personally, I would just say exactly that. I would explain that it has nothing to do with them but that I have a lot on my mind and would rather skip sex that night, and ask if you can plan something for the following evening!
Wait. I’m hearing two things, here. There’s a big difference between having sex when you weren’t in the mood versus doing things you’re uncomfortable with. For the former, you simply say you’re not in the mood right now. For the latter, you say no. If he loves YOU, both of these will be fine. If he gets butt-hurt, he doesn’t love you; you’re just his human fleshlight.
As a guy if my partner wasnt interested in having sex thats completely fine and just saying “sorry im not in the mood but can we cuddle, watch a movie etc” wouldnt hurt my feelings and would actually make me feel happy you trust me enough to tell me this.
If you are constantly not in the mood thats when i would start to think something was wrong.
Dont do anything you dont want to do.
Communication. Have conversations with them (when they’re not trying to initiate), explain how you feel, and ask them how you can let them know you don’t want to have sex without hurting their feelings.
Every guy will act different when it comes to that. You know you got a good one if he doesn’t make you feel bad about it. If he makes you feel bad, he probably isn’t the right guy for you.
You just need to say what you are not up for right now. You can’t control how they will feel about it.
If they regularly want sex way more than you do, break up. This will lead to long term unhappiness.
I feel intimate and flattered when someone I care about shares their feelings with me in an open and non-judgemental way. It might also be useful if you made a point of being sexual with him when you’re in the mood.
break up. if your libidos are drastically different, then one person is going to end up frustrated at some point. you cannot have your cake and eat it. if you make a habit of saying no, you are definitely going to hurt his feelings and it might even come across as you shaming him for wanting more sex.