I don’t really know if this is the place to post this since I’m a virgin and this is a sub for people that have sex, but I figured experienced people would have some insight on this. I’m at the point where I almost cry after I jerk off (sometimes I do). The fact that this may be the only way I ever get off terrifies me. My mind can’t comprehend the idea of a girl wanting to be with me. It’s so hard, nothing is really wrong with me, other than I’m either introverted or socially anxious. I don’t want to say that I’m socially anxious without a diagnosis, but I don’t really like being alone. I’m ok with it for a while, but I really like to be around people. The thing is, I’m not very good at talking to them. Also I know people say that being introverted isn’t a problem, but for me it is since extroverts generally have better luck with dating. I feel like destroying something, sometimes I do. One time I took a geologist’s hammer to an old refrigerator and it felt good to just let out all that rage I have toward my life. I have too many fucking lemons.
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Develop some hobbies. Like gaming or music. Just distract your mind. Even I don’t have any experience and I am 21. Last time I got a hug from a girl was 3 years ago. I just kind of accepted that love is not for me. Not everyone gets everything in this world. So kind of develop some interests like cars or bikes or something u are fascinated of. Something u can target for your motivation. Like my motivation is to get well off on my own and buy a middleweight street fighter and hit the tracks. Ik it sucks not getting any female intimacy but unfortunately we can’t do anything about it. I just remind myself maybe I don’t deserve it or relationships are for those who are weak and coward. It’s not the right way to think ik but we can’t do anything so let’s just divert that energy to something else.
Step 1….stop being a self defeating Debbie Downer
Step 2….remove “can’t” from your vocabulary
Step 3….talk to old people, they are lonely and have great stories to share.
Step 4….see a therapist about that rage, etc.
Step 5….carpe diem
If you cry after jerking off, then maybe give it a rest for a bit. Don’t give into the fear of being alone. Work to fight it. Best way to do that is to practice speaking to more people. Talking to people is a skill, and you can improve your skills by working on them. The more people you talk with, the more likely some are to stay in your life as you present your genuine self. Extroverts only have better luck because their energy comes from being around people so they talk to people all the time and have more practice in their talking skills. You can grow the skill.
If you can afford a therapist, I would get one to talk through all these emotions. They can give you advice on how to be ok with them and to take control of your life without needing to break things. You can see a psychiatrist as well to see if there are illnesses like depression that could be messing with your brain.
It’s never to late to take slow small steps every day to get to your goal of being with someone. It will happen, just give it more time and reach out to those close to you as well as medical professionals for help rather than reddit. We can’t do much to help you.
I’m not sure of your age but I’m pretty sure I have about 40 years on you. I just read over your post twice to make sure I was taking it all in properly. What I read is you are going through pretty much what everyone does at some point. Trust me on this one the feelings you have are not anything way out there so as you mature your built in coping skills should calm things down. First thing I would say is don’t be in a huge rush to get laid. Think about it this way, now whoever you have sex with you will be dealing with their emotions too. The crying sometimes when you jerk off can happen and I wouldn’t consider it an issue but I would suggest you try to think about something else while doing it. That’s definitely a buzzkill dwelling on something that is going to change someday for sure. If you’re jerking off to just your imagination I think that’s the wrong path and since you can get porn on whatever device you’re using I would say to browse through and see what you like best. I know this will be the hardest part but you can’t meet people if you don’t go out to places that they go to. When I was young I had no social skills at all until I turned 17 and then by the time I turned 18 I had no problem socializing with anyone. I guess what I’m saying is try to slow your mind down and don’t worry about getting laid so much. I got laid at 17 for the first time and looking back on it, no big deal. I may be different but sex was only incredible with my wife all the others we’re basically the same as jerking off. Hopefully this doesn’t discourage you but I have been married for 38 years now and the last 20 have been back to jerking off anyway. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with you just give it time.
What activities do you like to do that could lead to meeting women? Then, go super hard on those activities, become an expert in them by doing them a lot. This will give you social status in whatever it is.
Also, I know nothing else about you, but you are almost certainly depressed. Can you see a doctor to take a depression screening? Would you be open to taking anti-depressants?
Go to some place where events happen. Get onto some dating apps and try. It wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot. Don’t be angry about not being in a relationship. I’ve never had one either. Don’t be concerned about a relationship for just the sex. If that’s what you’re into, then I’m sure there are apps that are better than Tinder for hookups. I don’t reccomend hook ups though. Don’t waste your time on relationships or bonds that don’t mean anything. The best way to learn how to be social is to just go out there and start talking to people. Start small, like saying hi to people when you walk by them, or maybe compliment them on their clothes or their perfume. Or maybe their accessories like their necklaces. Things that they can change pretty quickly if they wanted to. Those are some of the things I notice first about people. Then, work your way up the latter. If you have a job, then make some friends with your coworkers. If you want dating advice from them, then just ask them. There is no shame in being single. There is no shame in never having sex. Move your mind from these thoughts and gets some hobbies.
Wonderful person.
You are 16.
You have an entire lifetime of relationships ahead of you- some will be sexual.
It’s hard to imagine but sex will happen for you- there are no doubt a great many special things about you, which people will find attractive. People find shared ideas and ideals attractive alongside looks. People are attracted to purpose- and it doesn’t matter if that purpose is associated with a hobby, a place, a group of people, or a job- the world is a big and bewildering place, and people like people who think a little bit like they do.
People are saying you need therapy. Maybe. But therapy usually helps people who don’t have perspective on a problem, or lack the tools to deal with that problem. One huge plus about the way you wrote is you sound very self-aware, which is a gift- a lot of people lack that.
You sound intelligent and funny. And time is on your side. One time it’ll just feel right to ask someone for their number. Maybe they’ll say yes. When they do- you’ll have a whole world or bewildering experiences and choices ahead of you.
Spoiler: everyone feels bewildered about sex and relationships for a good proportion of their adult life. It’s a whole thing.
The fact that I’m 22 and virgin makes me wonder if I should start crying about it 💀 you’re just 16 it’s fine, I’m pretty sure you’ll have multiple opportunities in the future dw .
Buddy, I’ve been where you’re at and there’s nothing that says it’ll last forever. It probably won’t. Social anxiety, a low self-confidence and introvertedness are all hurdles to overcome if you want to get out and start dating and having sex. But it’s totally doable.
Weird as it sounds though, your best way forward is trying not to think too much about it, as the more you fixate on needing sex, the harder it’ll be to bridge the gap between yourself and someone. If you primarily see yourself as someone needing sex, then you’ll have a tendency to frame your interactions with girls as something that should lead to sex instead of as a meeting between two real people who could have sex. And let me tell you, that is one fucking mess to try to navigate if you already have social anxiety. Wanting and needing are different things, and the one is usually regarded as a positive and the other as a bit desperate.
Like others have said, find a hobby and then find some forums or subreddits where you can start talking to people about that hobby, or better yet something that you can talk to real people IRL about. Basically ground your life in something that isn’t dependent on other people but that can still have a social aspect. And start getting some exercise, I’m not saying become a gym bro but even just going for walks, and after a while you’ll notice that you start feeling better physically and that your mind is gradually becoming more at ease.
Also I don’t know how old you are, but this subreddit is full of guys who lost their virginity in their late 20s, so I’m betting you’re not actually behind some sort of curve. The best thing you can do is own it, accept it, don’t feel like a victim or a loser because of it, don’t wear it on your sleeve but also don’t lie about it if it comes up. I know it feels like something to be ashamed about but that really is only something you do to yourself in the end. Just begin slowly to learn to relax about it. It’s going to happen for you, and there is no rush.
Sooner or later life or school or work or partying is going to align you with girls, and the better you feel about yourself and your abilities at that point, and the more you can regard them as a real fellow human being rather than some unreachable object of desire, the easier of a time you’re going to have to get there. You can get there, I promise you, but it might take a bit of time and a shift in mindset. Don’t worry though, you have time.
I first had sex when I was 27. After a couple of times (5 to be exact) I hit a 5 year dry spell. In this time I chased women, built relationships in my head and suffered rejection only to hate myself even further. I also suffer from anxiety and have body weight issues and had a wholly negative sense of self.
Then last month I started dieting (OMAD) , went to therapy, and generally just started loving the shit out of myself.
The result, sexting on the regular with a girl who sent me nudes without me even asking we share this amazing chemistry even in person, talking/flirting with another potential date who could be much more than just a hookup and sudden female attention.
And all it took was realizing my self worth. I’m successful, built my life from less than humble beginnings, I’m a fantastic writer, even better cook, I’m funny as fuck, a great conversationalist, chubby in a cuddly teddy bear sort of way and according to more than one woman in my life, an all round great guy who makes women feel safe in his company.
What I’m saying is, don’t worry about it. See yourself for who you are. Take an inventory of your strengths, work on your weaknesses and be kind to yourself. Live your truth, then sit back and watch your life change in front of you. You got this, king. We’re in your corner.
Wait for the appropriate time and don’t rush. A bad first time really isn’t worth it.
On a separate note, introverts are better lovers IMHO… they make sure their partner comes first.
The biggest thing I realized is that girls want to have sex with you way more when you act like you don’t care about it. If you make it all about sex with them most of the time they will be turned off by that kind of behavior.
Why do you see yourself as being separated feom people?
It’s okay to ask, there’s nothing wrong with that, the problem is that… you don’t love yourself, I’m SURE you’re not a stupid person. You will find someone that you like each other and things will flow. Obviously, no rush, sex is overrated, dedicate yourself to meeting that person and things will come up, you don’t have to force anything, be calm, and your time will come. When you meet someone, flow, don’t be nervous, and be who you are, and you’ll see that everything will be great ;). I wish you luck.
If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got. You need to make a change in your life. Work on being more social, learn to be interested in other people for more than just sex. Also 16 is very early to be having sex. I didn’t until 26. Go to college.
You need to start by making friends. Both male and female. Get out and start living life. The sex part should be the least of your worries at 16! I have two sons and they were not having sex at 16, 17 or even 18. Try 19. Sex is about having a close relationship. Develop those and the rest will follow.
Dude get a hooker.. do that a couole times it will build your confidence
Dude, you’re 16, gtfo
It’s completely normal to be a virgin and to be socially awkward at 16! I mean it’s gotta be way more common than to be an experienced sex god and social genius at 16, I for sure wasn’t 😅
Not everyone will have sex ever in their life and that is perfectly normal.
Who gave this 16 yo a phone 👀
At 16 I also thought I would be alone forever and would turn out to be a 40 year old virgin. I had never even kissed a guy. I was desperate and had my first kiss and lost virginity when I was 18. Then met my now husband a few months later, we’ve been together 6 years, married for 2 and currently pregnant with our first child. My husband was a virgin when I met him, he was 19. I regret the 2 guys I had sex with before him. You’re so young no need to worry yet.
You need some tough love brother. There’s many men in this exact position in life, and there are multiple factors to it, mostly it isn’t your fault, partly yes , but the good news is that you can change all that, but only through work. Everyone on reddit will tell you be yourself and whatnot but this won’t do much will it? I present to you the wonderful world of male self improvement. I sincerely hope I am not the first one to tell you this but it sure sounds like it.
I dont know anything about your life or what you look like but I will assume you are a somewhat out of shape introvert. You clearly lack self confidence and worst of all you may be addicted to porn.
Pornography has shaped the minds of young men to view women in a different light, an unrealistic one, while also giving pleasure and dopamine to addict the brain, effectively trapping your mind into consuming the content if you do not do it with moderation. Stop watching porn, jerk off way less. Search porn detox and dopamine detox on yt
Second, I want you and everybody reading this to embark in one of the greatest journey of your lives, fitness. I dont care if youre underweight, normal weight or overweight. Get In Shape starting now.
This not only increases your attractiveness, the way other men respect you but also your confidence but cosmic miles, in 1-2 years I promise you that you will look back and be proud of yourself if you stick to fitness.
You have work to do like all of us brother, first do the inner mental work and the physical work, and then get out and speak to women, friends, etc.
But throughout your journey even tho it is frustrating DO NOT HATE WOMEN for not choosing your past self or for their nature as human beings, lots of men sadly end up this mgtow path which only leads to further loneliness.
If there is anything to learn in this comment section other than meaningless positivity thrown from strangers as the equivalent of one euro given to a beggar, it is that you need to get up and take control of your life my brother, start self improvement now. Wish you luck and prosperity.
Dude, you’re 16. At 16 I had zero success with girls, sex was just off the table. 10 years later I’m pretty successful with the ladies, I lost my virginity at 18. You haven’t even passed the average age for the first intercourse ! So chill out dude, you’re all good.
Hookers bro
Perhaps you should consider using a bigger hammer.
Bro When you lose it you will miss it cause I do it was a different energy (I’m just being a bitch) but you’ll be fine it’s not about the sex but the WHOLE experience as the girl might make you cry she is a horrible human an you stuck your precious rod into some tainted area. Don’t WORRY
Just find somebody who you can be introverted and awkward with together. The bottom line is you’re going to have to meet someone if you want someone. I mean honestly the best place is like a bookstore if that’s the type of woman you’re looking for. Any woman that still reads books is most likely at least somewhat of an introvert. I’ve met some really, really great women in bookstores actually. They were all very down to Earth and level-headed. Most were what you would call at least somewhat introverted if not fully. In other words, don’t go to a rave looking for an introvert lol. You got this.