When I was young it felt like people put in so much effort to keep relationships together. Now, not so much…

26 comments

  1. I don’t know. I try very hard to make it work when the issue is something that comes down to differences in perception, personality or circumstances.

    I don’t try to make things work with disrespectful people, or those who’s core values and goals go against my own.

  2. Because as you get older, you realize it’s better to be alone than to settle for someone who makes your life worse

    If you dont improve my life, why am I with you?

  3. It’s because people find it easier to just move forward. People have realized it’s easier to just give up than to continue to exert any effort and waste time on trying to make things work.

  4. Cause trying very hard requires the effort of both parties and as it is now it usually only coming from one.

  5. There are two sides to this. No long ago, women had very little (if any) ability to support themselves. It was also frown upon to divorce. People fought to save relationships that should’ve never been saved. People were being cheated on and abused, yet leaving was shameful or financially impossible.

    On the other side, because divorce has very little stigma in the western world and women are becoming financially independent, it’s easier to leave relationships that bring nothing good. The flip side is that hookup culture and accessibility to dating apps give the idea that there are many available singles out there and people start thinking about the best next thing rather than work on their own relationship.

  7. I think in the old days people settled more. But now we know how unhappy that can be in the long run. We need people to work on themselves before you just end up toxic with another person.

  8. Thats quite the broad statement. My last 2 LTR’s worked very hard to “make it work”. Unfortunately they worked equally as hard at sabotage.

  9. When you’re young you’re casting a wide net to make sure you can have a stable future, as you get older you need to find people that keep your life stable. Makes sense to me that older, more stable folks who don’t need another person to fulfill their goals would be less invested in finding a partner and more invested in keeping things the way they are.

  10. It wasn’t super long ago that women had no choice but to stay in awful, sometimes abuse and often incompatable pairings because they had no choice. When a lot of people look at couples who fight to stay together (even as recently as grandparents for most folks) you are seeing the tail end of people who were under pressure to stay together even if they are unhappy.

    For example. My grandmother on my father’s side. When she talks about her late husband (my grandfather), she talks about his passing as if it opened her up to being free. She loved him don’t get me wrong and mourns the loss of her life partner, but when asked if she’d ever date again she said she JUST barely has gotten to feel the freedom of being without a man. They worked through their issues because they refused to consider divorce and I saw so many fights that scared the daylights out of me.

    Now my grandmother on my mother’s side. Her and my grandfather fought sometimes, but if it got too heated, they’d pause and sit down quietly. Eventually, he’d take her hand, and they’d start talking instead of arguing. Through sickness, through health, through all their problems I never once saw them build resentment the way my other grandparents did or hold grudges the way they did. When my grandfather died, my grandmother on this side talks about how he balanced her and now with him gone the world makes her so much angrier.

    My point is: if a person is the right person? You shouldn’t have to FIGHT to be in eachothers lives or to want to be their for each other. They never become a burden, and the fights aren’t fights. They are discussions. If my fathers mother could go back I don’t think she’d choose the man she married again but I know for a fact my other grandmother would. I got very lucky that after cutting many relationships short because they weren’t what I wanted, I did find a partner and again things that were blowout fights with my ex are discussions between us. If I hadn’t cut loose the relationships I realized were more difficult than they should be, id have settled for misery.

  12. Hmm, not so sure about that. Most of my friends have at least one divorce under their belt. Are you talking about the early part of a relationship? I have a feeling that the current generation has less social skills, due to the internet, and not actually interacting with each other. So, maybe relationships turn south quicker, or there is less likelihood of a relationship even starting?

  13. I do/did. But with therapy I realized I can’t set myself on fire to keep other people warm. That’s it’s okay to do what’s best for you even if it means leaving someone you love. Sometimes you are not the right fit and it’s time to let go.

  16. Women don’t have to depend on men financially anymore, which means men actually have to be a pleasure to be with.

    In a classic sense, families aren’t making deals to “join houses” which requires using their kids as pawns in arranged marriages.

    Mental and emotional health are more top of mind these days. Abuse (of all kinds) is something people are no longer ignoring. Less people are tolerating it and staying quiet about it.

    Divorce is no longer the most shameful thing ever. It still sucks. But being divorced is more acceptable and normalized in society these days. Some people go as far as to celebrate a divorce.

    Women are more sexually liberated than they’ve ever been. Women are encouraged to explore their sexuality and have fun. Smut shaming is still prevalent but not as crazy as it used to be.

    Women are more educated than ever, and have better jobs than ever before. Women have more options in life because of their skillsets in the workforce.

    A lot of men have multiple options they prefer to enjoy over getting into a relationship. Even more men are resentful of women because they can’t get with any of them.

    Some people just prefer to be alone, even if they have the ability and confidence to attract a partner. With technology, it’s easier for people to entertain themselves and be isolated.

    Technology in general has made it easier to communicate, while making it easier to keep your distance. In other words, it’s easier to ignore or run away from your problems. Ghosting is more prevalent than ever, thanks to technology.

    Men who are high earners see how the court system favors women, and therefore see marriage as pointless. They see it as a huge risk that is not worth the potential reward.

    Anxiety, depression, drugs, individualism, and so many other factors play into how people manage relationships.

  18. Because people came to believe that what they is do much enough on their part. Someone thinks being pretty is enough. Someone thinks stable income is enough. But when it comes to trouble that needs to be discussed, people say “I tried, I was pretty, polite, wealthy etc, and this person whose shit I tolerated doesn’t appreciate it, well fuck it then.” Instead of admitting their own faults or flaws, they mirror it in their partner and break the relationship. And it’s not that there is a single person with this mindset in the couple. Some people think they are doing everyone a favour by simply existing. No desire for self improvement, no patience and tolerance to others, even when it’s your own partner. No desire to give. We are living in era where people can be changed as often as a pair of shoes. Be it job or relationship, “if you lack something I need, there are bunch of people who are better.” But if we sit and mull over couple questions and think about it seriously and realistically: do we deserve any “better”? Does this “better” want “us” as we are? Is the person in front of me lost their spark that ignited our relationship? Why are we arguing? Is my partner the only one in the wrong, and I am 100% right? It was so much easier to live in less populated and erotic banned times.
    There were chivalry and ladies, honour and dignity. Now we look at the world through the app store, waiting for updates, forgetting to update ourselves.

  19. Bc life is too short for shitty relationships. I broke myself trying to save my marriage. 6 years I spent with an abusive asshole. Never again. I don’t need a relationship, I’m very happy when I’m single. I’ve got amazing friends and a lot of hobbies I enjoy. If someone isn’t adding value, love, joy, etc to my life they really don’t have a place with me. My current relationship is the best I’ve ever had. We’ve put in the work, but there’s mutual love, respect, and fun. If I had tried to “work” on those other relationships I knew just weren’t for me I would never have found my current amazing partner 🥰

  20. 𝔸𝕝𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕝 𝕞𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕒 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤 𝕚𝕥 𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕟𝕖𝕨 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕝𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕥 𝕒 𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕚𝕕 𝕡𝕒𝕔𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕥𝕪 𝕤𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝕠𝕜𝕒𝕪

  21. I think it’s because more people are seeking out and benefiting from therapy.

    Because I’ve been through therapy and no longer believe I’m the source of every problem and responsible for fixing them. I no longer am willing to put everyone’s happiness before my own. I can recognize incompatibly as a reason to break up instead of seeing incompatibility as a challenge to overcome.

    After therapy I believe I am lovable so I have faith if this relationship doesn’t work out I will be okay.

  22. As I got older I got less desperate so was less willing to put up with other people’s shit. I know alot of people feel they were more attractive when they were younger but I had a late glow up. I’m much sexier than I was 5 years ago, 2 stone lighter and thus have alot more options.

  23. Spend 9 years of my life with someone, always doing my best in improving myself to make him happy, no cheating pure love, work, nothing but taking care of him yet at the end he choose you over random girl in dating apps. Dating sucks, everyone lies. Faithfulness is just so freaking rare.

  24. You are right. It is the case! It’s called ‘paradox of choice’ too much choice does not mean freedom, it means paralysis. And that leads to nothing. Ppl shut up and become isolated instead of forming connections.

  26. Because we won’t take abuse in any forms anymore for one, and 2 women don’t need a man (for a bank account, or a house for example)

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