Me (25f) and my fiance (32m) just bought a home together. He is a very sensitive sleeper, we have been dealing with issues for upwards of a year because of his tinitus, being overworked, and living under some terrible neighbors in our old apartment complex. Tonight, he came home from work around 9:30, he was tired, he jumped in the shower and headed to his room. But before he headed to his room, he left his phone opened on instagram. I can be a little jealous and paranoid, so I looked. He searched some girl, huge tits, half naked photos, nice physique. I was upset. I said nothing of it, and went into my bed. We have been sleeping separately so he can catch up on sleep, and because I am known to talk and moan in my sleep which always wakes him. I threw a load of laundry in the dryer right before 10, and had to rerun it because it was still damp. I thought I was being pretty quiet, but turns out he was woken up by me shutting my bedroom door. He was convinced I purposefully slammed it. That because I saw the girl on his phone that I was seeking some retribution or punishing him. We fought for a while but he was unwilling to listen that it was an accident. He said a lot of hurtful things… he texted me saying, “u threw a fuckin tantrum cuz ur lazy as fuck hate the way u look. sit around don’t work out don’t do shit for diet and then take it out on me wen the first sight of something ur jealous comes across your site. U don’t bother to ask questions or anything u jus get pissed off run the laundry make noise throw a fit.” I tried to talk to him, reason with him, but he basically told me, that’s he’s done. Sending more texts saying “i’m not sticking around anymore, someone else can deal with you, i think my life would be more peaceful without you in it. Ur X’d to me”
I’m in shambles. We got engaged in August. We closed on our house in January. We are planning a wedding. What do I do??!! I don’t want to lose him. But I don’t think anything I say is going to make this situation any better. Advice please 🙏
3 comments
Is he always this unpleasant? You sleep apart out of consideration for him. And when caught out for something less than ideal on his phone, he goes on the attack? Oh, honey 🙁 Who knows what his motivation is here, but blame shifting and getting all up on his high horse about your wrongs and flaws sounds like he wants to be the victim, you to be at fault. It’s either immature as eff or manipulative as eff, and neither is good.
You don’t want to lose him?
He got caught looking at half naked women and then verbally abused you. He is being manipulative.
Why would you want to subject yourself to this kind of behavior for the rest of your life?
Are you that desperate to want to keep a man who you “llllllooovvveee” who cant keep his dick where it belongs? Throw in verbal abuse, and manipulation and we can all see why you dont want to lose him…ugh
Wake up, open your eyes, have some self respect, and be thrilled that you can get out of this now.