I (24F) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about a month and a half and we just decided to be exclusive since we were both already not talking to other people. The thing that I’m beginning to realize that I didn’t realize before is that he is SO indecisive. I really can not stand it. He always asks me to plan every hangout and make every minor decision. He has only planned 1 date on his own and it was pretty simple. “What do you want to do?”, “What do you want to eat?”, “Where should we go”, etc. It never fucking ends and it’s so irritating. I never have an issue with him paying, but it would be nice for him to take the initiative. I literally made a shared note for us, so he can have ideas for dates. At this point, though, I honestly doubt that he’ll take the hint and plan a date for us. I asked him “Do you ever decide things or do you usually just go with the flow?”, and he couldn’t even answer that. He literally said “I mean both”. Y’all, I don’t know what to do. I feel like he really balances me out (calm, kind, patient, introverted, handsome, really cares about my happiness and is a gentleman), but I don’t want to be with someone who literally just wants to be my shadow. I’d rather just be single than to be in a relationship with someone who can’t take on a dominant role. How should I bring this up to him? I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I hate this part of him. Do y’all think he’s just trying to appease me or is this a character flaw? What should I say to him?
3 comments
Read up on “over-functioner / under-functioner” dynamics.
And watch the YouTube videos by Kirk Honda on Brandon and Julia.
Ghawd, it’s like sooo annoying when I can’t communicate to my partner what I’d like out of a relationship so I end up turning to Reddit of all places for advice.
If youd rather just be single then be single. He’s not going to just magically change for you because you want him to, Guys only change if we want to and usually its when its too late. If you love someone you got to love all of them, even the annoying parts. You can’t just pick and choose what parts of them you want and the parts they should change just to make yourself happy.