So long story short I’m here asking for some advice.. Not sure if I’m bad at social skills or need to improve
Two of my best friends (a couple) forgot my birthday two times for two years in a row..
First time they completely forgot but then we reconnected after a while and they said sorry that they forgot my birthday. After few months they have sent me a gift..
That time I haven’t forgot their birthday and sent also a gift the same day of their birthday. It took me a lot of time to create a personalized gift because I do care of my friends
The second time they forgot my birthday again but they didn’t say anything…
So this year in few weeks it will be my friends birthday and I’m thinking.. Should I say happy birthday to them or not?
Because they forgot my birthday for two years in a row.. So why should I remember their birthday then?
Are they real friends or not?
Why do I care so much then? I used to love them but it looks like they don’t care
Last time we went out they made fun of me for no reason and made me very uncomfortable
I don’t understand why.
Am I the problem?
Or should I just cut them off my life completely and find new friends?
I know it’s weird asking this here lol but I’m trying to improve my social skills as well so I’ll be happier with great relationships with friends.
I think life is too short to deal with people that don’t care about you.. right
5 comments
If they are such good friends to you, they shouldn’t forget your birthday… I would like to hang out with such people
I don’t see birthdays a big deal with friends. I’m not close with anyone right now but unless they invited me to their birthday event at certain places in the past I wouldn’t bother. I have even chipped for the birthday persons dinner. But if they just invite me and a few people to a bar for a night out I don’t see the point in a gift? I may buy them a couple drinks though. But yeah unless you’re my spouse I don’t do ‘concerted’ effort gift giving.
I’m not much of a gift giver.
Because people don’t remember birthdays. Seriously, we’re all adults. If I want to celebrate my birthday, I invite the people I want to participate to a birthday gathering. If not, I don’t care if they know that it’s my birthday. The only birthdays I remember besides my own are my gf, my mother and my nephew (my sister still reminds me, though). Presents/gifts are important to children, because they can’t buy their own stuff and would likely make poor choices. Also, parents already carry a huge financial burden with just the necessities, so friends and family can spring for some of the additional stuff (Bike? Sports equipment? Cool toys?).
I don’t expect gifts from people I invite to my birthday gatherings. I invite them because I want to spend time with them and that’s already valuable, especially if they have family and work commitments. Maybe they’ll bring snacks or drinks, but that’s not necessary or expected.
Basically: If you want people to do something for your birthday, invite them in a timely fashion (remember adult commitments). Otherwise they will be preoccupied with basically everything else. Not because they don’t care about you, but because that’s what adulting does to most people. Gatherings don’t have to be at your place, if that’s not your thing. I’ve done barbecues at the lake/river, restaurants, clubs, bars, bowling, bike trips and concerts. I went to LAN parties, strip clubs, bar hopping, Laser Tag, kart racing or cookouts for friends birthdays. Just think about a group activity you enjoy and invite people to join you for your birthday.
They’re not these ultra close friends. They’re casual friends and you shouldn’t worry about the birthdays. No need to cut them off, but it WOULD be good to expand your social life in other directions.
I remember everyone’s birthday (kinda have a photographic memory) but a lot of people just don’t remember birthdays.
You gotta remind friends most of the time, not realistic to expect them to remember your exact birthday.
But INFO: how often do you see these friends? Are you only in touch on social media or do you see them semi-regularly?
If you see them semi regularly and they are friends to you in other ways I’d just let it go