My boyfriend (25M) invited me (20F) to live with him recently out of state because my toxic parents are threatening to kick me out, my brother (18M). He doesn’t have a place to go either because he’s still pretty young and is at risk of being a homeless. His only other options are being with our relatives or taking out loans. I really want to bring my brother with me and am almost certain I will, but a part of me feels uncomfortable with this idea.
I feel as if I can’t be so touchy and affectionate with my boyfriend in front of my brother because that would be awkward. I spoke with my boyfriend about my brothers situation and he seems to want to let him stay with us. A part of me feels guilty because I don’t want to add too much of a financial burden on my boyfriend. I also am kinda uncomfortable as well because my brother is gay and my boyfriend is bi so I don’t want them to start hitting on each other behind my back and risk cheating or something weird happening. I don’t know what I should do, what should I talk more with my boyfriend about? I feel really guilty but really anxious as well I don’t know what else should I consider?
**tl;dr**: I’m moving with my boyfriend and am not sure if I want my brother to come along because I am nervous about something happening between them, and placing to much of a burden on my boyfriend. I feel really guilty and inclined to bring my brother though anyways, I just don’t know how it will turn out and if I will regret it or not. Please help me in this situation, thank you.
4 comments
Double edged sword definitely. You want your relationship to grow and prosper but don’t want your brother to cause issues financially. However, having 3 people in an apartment or even a house could cut costs exponentially. Also you only get one brother, and family is super important. You don’t want to repeat the same things your parents have already done. You guys should sit down as a group and lay down ground rules of the house that are to be followed. So that way, you can come up with solutions for potential future problems.
It may be a better idea to suggest that he move in with family, assuming it’s safe for him to do that.
Nobody is going to give an 18 year old loans and if they do, it’s a bad idea.
If you do take him in, he needs to get a job and pay rent and have responsibilities. And while having him live with you may mean you can’t have sex in the kitchen any time, there’s no reason why you can’t negotiate alone time. After all, your brother may want to have company as well.
If you can’t trust your boyfriend and your brother not to hit on each other, you probably shouldn’t be moving in with your boyfriend either. That’s just messed up.
>My boyfriend (25M) invited me (20F) to live with him recently out of state
I *really* think this deserves some attention here. How long have you been dating this guy, and has it always been long distance? I’m asking because…
>I also am kinda uncomfortable as well because my brother is gay and my boyfriend is bi so I don’t want them to start hitting on each other behind my back and risk cheating or something weird happening.
This makes you sound really immature and insecure, which is definitely a red flag to go along with a long distance relationship involving an age gap.
I think you should try to move out on your own, or you and your brother can move out together. You can both work and pay for an apartment together. Spend more time getting to know your boyfriend, in person. If you can, look into therapy. Something like Better Help may be an option for you.
>My boyfriend (25M) invited me (20F) to live with him recently out of state
So totally not sex trafficking, right?
Have you ever MET this guy?