I generally don’t really like sharing my situation with people, but I really felt the need to share this somewhere and maybe get some outside insight or advice.
A few months ago I (25m) started talking to a girl (26F) from a foreign country. This never was meant as a relationship, just as a friendship. It took a little bit to warm up to one another as I’m an introverted mess. But alas around January we finally met in person.
I’m normally someone who’s incredibly logic based. Never having believed in fairy tales, or having showed any interest in romance films/stories. So I was shocked to encounter love at first sight once I finally saw her in person. The next few days were amazing and felt like a dream, an experience I simply cannot begin to describe.
After she went home we kept being in touch. She made me want to take steps in order to improve myself. Finally giving me the strength to cut of contact with some incredibly toxic people in my life, which finally happened.
From her point of view, she was already struggling with feelings for someone else. Someone who had left her for someone else before a few weeks earlier. When she encountered me she felt the same connection that I felt with her. Which has caused a series of thoughts, where in the end she’d have to choose at some point between one of us.
A month or so has passed, during this month we kept in touch with one another. Being honest about our feelings and communication. Something that I’ve always stated is that I wouldn’t interfere with her “choice” despite what my feelings told me to. As this would have to be a decision that only she could make (no matter if it was them, me or no-one). And I’ve held true to that.
Today we had the “conversation” (she texted me her thoughts and current decision trough text, with a proper conversation between the two of us happening later) where she told me the connection she had to this other person was too strong to give up on. Saying she’d have a conversation with this other person to talk things out, where the most likely conclusion would be the two of them wouldn’t work (which is something she has stated and knows). Being frustrated with the fact that she herself keeps falling for people who can’t love her back. That despite knowing that I am different to those people that there’s something that withholds her from completely falling head over heels, despite feeling there were those moments at times where she could.
She also stated she wouldn’t choose for me now that she knows things wouldn’t work out between her and the other person. Letting me know I’m not a second choice (and never was). Saying that if she’d were to choose me she should have done so earlier, or now. But she doesn’t.
She has also stated that I shouldn’t choose her because of this. Still praying to everything that we’d stay friends despite everything. Wanting to see me happy with someone else eventually, even now mentioning that ‘that’ could have been her life, already sounding regretful. To the point of mentioning we could have had an incredibly healthy romantic relationship.
Despite the unexplainable connection, and these feelings that have been incredibly real. We’ve only met once in person. And yet, somehow I’m completely heart broken. We are going to have a proper conversation about things later (this week) but till then, we have decided to keep contact to a minimal/not at all. Something that has been giving both of us a lot of anxiety.
Despite everything, my body and feelings are still screaming to put myself into action, to make those few days that we spend together that can only be described like a dream a reality. But I know that I shouldn’t, as I’m not going to interfere with her choice as I promised, but the situation is currently eating me up from the inside.
I hope my (very poorly and broadly explained) post gives some people enough insight to maybe give some advice, or tell me what the best course of action is because I simply do not know what to do.