Ok so we both attend university and we met bc we were flatmates. We’ve had a little thing for a while and recently became official. We had an argument this morning bc he’s hosting a pres tonight for this rave he’s going to. He’s invited his mates and some people he doesn’t know too well. He mentioned to me earlier that he didn’t want me to go into the kitchen while they’re doing the pres- obviously I was confused and hurt. I asked him why and he explained that bc we’re dating but I’m his flatmate he feels embarrassed and doesn’t want to be known as the guy who’s ‘shagging his flatmate’. He feels like his mates are going to make fun of him for it and explained that it’s not to do with me personally just the stigma around it. He doesn’t want their first impression of him to be of that. But I can’t help feeling hurt- I’m already quite an insecure person and to be told that he doesn’t want me to see his friends makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me and thinks that I’m ugly. He reassured me that it’s not but I still feel like he’s lying.
The reason why I think it’s bs is because our 6 other flatmates know we’re together and they don’t make fun. Our other flatmate D who’s quite close with my bf has maybe made a joke about it here and there but nothing that deep but bf is still embarrassed about it.
I’ve also met his friends from home when they came up to visit him but he says that’s different bc they’re not at our uni they won’t make fun? I just don’t understand. He’s also told me a uni friend of his has seen us in town together so they already know what I look like- why doesn’t he want them to see me? He said that if we were going to someone else flat together he’d introduce me as his girlfriend and not flatmate but we don’t have the same friends so that would never happen.
Am I just being silly or are my feelings actually valid and he’s being a d*ck?
Edit: we’re from England btw and ‘lads banter’ is why he’d get rinsed for it but i honestly don’t get why they’d take the piss in the first place?
4 comments
Valid feelings. Weird that he’s willing to “hide” you from these people. Are they really people he should hang with?
Even if you took him at his word; why date someone embarrassed by you?
Try not to feel hurt. It’s okay to feel bewilderment at how you could have hooked up with such a dumb ass though. Yes, guys do bug the hell out of each other over stupid stuff like that, but he should take it like a man and not be a big baby. Trust me, this isn’t about you personally, just shake your head over him being immature.
Are his friends truly awful people who stigmatise others for the most meaningless and trivial shit? Because i find that quite hard to believe that if they were, he’d want to be friends with them