So to keep it short, my bf and I in a healthy and love filled relationship. Recently we had sex and it was like our 2-3 Rd time it was like sooo bad. And after sex he told me that my vagina is not tight…I was aware that different bodies exist and it’s okay and atleast we can try diff poses and tricks to enjoy and resolve this problem. But after that statement even though I know that it’s not a big deal I felt a sudden feeling of anger. I think it was becuz he asked me, do u know why your vainga is that way? and all I could remember was the sexual assault, I had in my childhood. I know he would never make me feel bad about me, but without knowing he really messed me up and now I just don’t want sex for now. He tried to make it up with alots of lovely comments abt my body and declared his love for me but it just made me more angry……I don’t know what’s wrong with me
3 comments
Firstly, I’m so sorry you experienced what you had in your childhood.
Secondly, nothing is wrong with you.
Bodies come in all different shapes and sizes. It’s an extremely shameful comment made by your partner. No amount of “nice remarks” balance that out. I’m glad you have a happy relationship outside of this comment but perhaps the anger would subside if you explained how hurtful that comment was to you.
As a trauma survivor, my guess is this was extremely triggering. You MUST tell him this, your past, and how it may come up during intimacy. Let him know that comments about your body that you cannot control is absolutely wrong, unnecessary, and damaging. If he at all cares about you, his response will be to accept and care for you regardless. If he doesn’t, get out – he won’t ever understand.
Take time away from sex. Sweetie, sounds like some healing is in order for you. Have you ever talked to anyone about your assault?
You have every right to feel the way you do. We never get over our trauma. But we do learn to heal and live with the scar. I wish nothing but healing and peace for you.
Girl that is so disrespectful of him. I’d bring it up to him directly, that his comment was upsetting. Ask him how he would feel if you asked why his dick is so small that he can’t even feel your pussy? This has nothing to do with your SA or your vagina, though I know it triggered all that for you. But there is literally nothing wrong with your pussy.
He needs to realize what a dumbass he is. And maybe ask him about his porn/masturbation habits because it’s much more likely that his problem with your pussy is due to him using death grip when he’s jerking off. He’s probably desensitized himself. And if he’s using porn frequently it’s probably also screwed up his own ability to get aroused by actual sex. This is all a problem with HIM.
Maybe he’s just being dumb and is inexperienced and ignorant, but I’d keep a close watch for any behavior from him that is focused on blaming or shaming you, deflecting his problems onto you, etc. Abuse victims unfortunately are more likely to get into relationships with abusive people. And from this interaction I’d be VERY wary about staying in a relationship with him. You shouldn’t have to be even MORE vulnerable with him about your past and your body when the problem is about him. He should be here on reddit asking why he didn’t get as much sensation during sex as expected and I guarantee all the comments would be about death grip, porn habits, and trying different positions. None of them would be about you being “loose.” And that’s because the problem is with him and not you.