Am I not mentally fit to date?

I’ve recently gone through a divorce, had to move me and my sons things into a tiny studio apartment (that we share with my parents!!!) and had my life turned upside down. I’ve never been alone, without a boyfriend, since I was 17. I am 33.

I met a slightly younger man recently who is wonderful, giving, loving, kind, and very honest about his feelings for me. I do love him. But I find myself getting anxious around him because I feel so insecure about myself. I have tried to tell him since day 1 that I’m not fully mentally ready for a full-blown relationship. I’ve told him I need to do some “self-work”, such as rebuilding my self-esteem, learning how to be alone, settling into my new life with my son. I feel frazzled at all times and it’s exhausting.He continues to refer to me as his girlfriend and does not really respect my boundaries. Every time I’m with him, I enjoy myself and I love the escape, but I can not relax because something feels off. Iget this insane visceral response where I can’t eat, or sleep. This man is also a recovering heroin addict and self-proclaimed “thrill seeker” so I tend to not trust him. He’s told me in the past that he’s cheated on his ex, in multiple ways,, and it’s always in the back of my mind. I will randomly have these doubts, which lead to rumination and then I will feel so anxious that all I want to do is end things with him and run away. I feel unstable and chaotic.

So I’m looking for advice. I’ve explained this all to him and his reply is never understanding. It’s that im selfish and that I want girlfriend privileges without being a girlfriend.