I’m 28, but I lost the last 4 years of my life due to severe physical illness (which is now better), so I’m still early in my career / life track. I’m in a new city and started a great friendship with a guy, who we can call Dan. A couple weeks ago, Dan confessed his feelings for me. I felt open to trying some dates, so we’ve met a few times with romantic intention, and been physically intimate. He’s in a great place financially and professionally, and he’s looking for a life partner. I’m finding myself feeling mismatched and confused … I’m still getting back on my feet after being sick for so long, and I’m also demisexual. Despite the ways I trust him and the fun I’ve had with him, I don’t know yet whether I want to date him (or anyone rn for that matter). I also don’t want to be physically intimate again when I’m unsure of my feelings.
Can y’all help me craft language to use to convey how I’m feeling? I communicated well in my previous relationship, but rn I’m feeling tongue-tied and very afraid of hurting his feelings or ruining something good… I’m especially stumbling over how to express not wanting to be physically intimate again. He made me feel great with compliments and validating statements, and I hate that I might negatively reinforc rather than positively reinforce that.
**TLDR: How to express I’m not ready for a relationship or to be physical with him yet with gentleness and compassion, even though I’ve been acting like I was the past 2 weeks?**
3 comments
Why do you not want to be physically intimate again? What changed in your life that you feel was the cause? Was it your past relationship, or the health problems, or something else?
If you don’t want to to date him you probably will never want to spend the rest of your life with him. Decide on one and don’t look back… honestly if you don’t know at this point then you’ll probably regret spending the rest of ur life with him… u know
“Moving too fast” is the phrase here.
I would tell him that you really do have interest in him, but that you feel like there would be too much of a power balance for you to be comfortable with while you are just gaining your independence again.
Edit: backtracking. missed that you want to actually stop all intimacy. Still think moving too fast is the phrase. I would tell him that you’ve enjoyed the time you have spent together, but you aren’t on the same page in your lives and your mental state drastically effects your sex drive so can’t really be fwb either.
He is old enough that if he is actually stable, he can take it. Don’t over do it though, if he is really based everything will translate to “it’s not you, it’s me.”