I can’t help but feel like i’ve made some big missteps the last two years in some of my choices. My most recent one is not taking this job in October that would have been a huge step financially for me, as well as career wise. I didn’t take it for a variety of reasons at the time, but low and behold my current job didn’t pan out as I thought and now i’m taking a new job that’s a paycut from my current job .
I did reach out to the previous company and let them know i made a mistake in saying no. They seemed to understand, but hired someone else and said we’ll keep you in mind.
I can’t help and wonder what if? I engage with the company from time to time on linkedin and they engage with me back. I look up their employees on linkedin and saw that who they hired for the role offered to me and ask myself, could i have done it? Why the heck didn’t i go for it?
I do see a therapist and bring this up , and they remind me that there were specific reasons i turned it down. But it’s not like i’m like “okay that sounds good,” i still wonder and can’t stop thinking about what if and keep beating myself about it.
This job is one example, but there are others too . I don’t know how to let go of the previous decisions i’ve made. I keep reminding myself when i start to spiral that focusing on the past can’t change the future, so accept what’s reality and make the best of it, nonetheless, my mind just ruminates. I’ll zap out of it for a little and than i’m back on linkedin trying to find a way back in or another job, or thinking i shouldn’t be watching tv but trying to do something productive, etc.
4 comments
Your therapist is right
>i still wonder and can’t stop thinking about what if and keep beating myself about it.
Every time those thoughts come up again, just keep reminding yourself of the above and to not be harsh on yourself. Also that they’re just ruminations
You’re made a lot of great choices. Probably a ton more than bad. Expecting perfection out of yourself is folly, and no one can have a perfect run; as long as you’re doing your best, you’re doing your best.
Try not to spend too much time looking back, you’ll bump into things coming up, and that’ll just make them harder.
Good luck, I believe in you.
>my mind just ruminates.
Give your mind a vacation: practice daily meditation.
For my favourite method, see *my comments* to this [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/v8y9x0/22m_i_am_insecure_about_my_physical_health/)
Life is all about learning and adapting. We all have made choices that were less than ideal in retrospect. The goal is to skip regret and draw from the experience. By way of example, if one of your reasons was you valued the comfort of your known routine, you now learned that not all routines are guaranteed to last or lead to happiness.
That said, there’s no way to know if the other job would be what you’re projecting. Maybe you would have gotten fired in the first week. Make the best decisions you can based on present information and make the decision based on your reasons and not to satisfy others. If you do that and accept the benefits and consequences, then you’re living well.