I (28f) don’t know how to discover my missing libido. Sex has always been a chore and my bf is getting frustrated as it’s been months, if not over a year since we last done anything.
I have no turn ons, none at all. I’ve tried watching porn but nothing done it for me and I just felt uncomfortable watching it. Reading FanFic is a little better but still doesn’t get me going. My partner is trying to figure out what he can do to turn me on but how is he supposed to know if even I don’t? In the past I’ve been with men who dirty talk and that made me wanna crawl into a ball and die. I’ve been with more dom men and more sub men and I’m uncomfortable with both. I have no turn ons. Everything sexual makes me uncomfortable.
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It sounds like you’re asexual. There may be nothing that turns you on and that’s ok. However, it may mean you’re not compatible with your boyfriend in this way.
Have you read the book Come As You Are? Her chapters on the sexual accelerator and brakes might be helpful here.
My partner doesn’t really have a high libido. She typically has so much stuff on her mind which is part of it, and she does take meds so that is another part. She has kids and the opportunity to be intimate is usually limited. She gets frustrated because scheduling sexytime is not very sexy at all.
She gets in the mood when she can hear me moan a bit or when she hears my breathing increase. I will kneed her thighs, ass, etc and that has turned her on before. It isn’t really even intentional, like I might do that when I’m driving and I put my hand on her thigh.
Giving her passionate kisses can work her up. She likes when I touch her in certain spots. Rarely is she ever in the mood to jump on top of me when she comes over and it will get more rare the older she gets because of hormones.
I have found that she gets a large and often times quick orgasm when she’s tired, sick, or tipsy because her brain doesn’t have the constant head static of stress. The key to the female orgasm is in her head.
She wants to get me to orgasm and when that happens her body shuts down. This sucks because I want to get her to orgasm too. So I focus on her first because her orgasm is generally more difficult to get. I have told her that if she gets an orgasm I don’t become disinterested in intimacy. On the contrary, I’d rather go in when she’s wet and swollen.
That’s not to say that sometimes I don’t finish. There might be stuff on my mind too or I handled the issue the night before not knowing that she might be up for intimacy the following day.
If we have about an hour then there is a possibility. It takes about 30 minutes of working her up to receive foreplay. I’m talking about caressing, kissing parts of her body, and massaging her. She may start to remove pieces of clothing until I’m playing with her. Fingering her to orgasm generally takes time, say 10-15 minutes.
Once she is riding that orgasm wave I will enter her. At that point I give her all I have.
I’ve been with my partner for over 7 years. I had a vasectomy and we do not use condoms though she uses a contraception to regulate her hormones. I also channel my energy into my partners which makes the feeling intense.
Why are you with your partner? Why did you get with them in the first place? Why do you stay?
My wife has 0 turn ons. Iv only discovered this is sort of strange. Wants sexy time is initiated we both have a great time. But we do struggle with the start of it.
She’s working hard on trying to communicate but find talking about anything sexual deeply embarrassing.
Communication may not solve your issue but it can help out i think.
Youve got to be open and honest with your partner and they with you.
Are you on meds? Anti depressants or anti psychotics?
Maybe take a look at r/asexuality
There are clinics everywhere that check and fix hormone levels. There is no shame in self care.
Hello asexuality.
Could it be possible it’s ADHD.
https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adult-adhd-sex-life#:~:text=Hyposexuality%20and%20ADHD,prescribed%20for%20people%20with%20ADHD.