Basically title.
Yesterday, I found out that my HSV-1 has an outbreak. I have told her this and she said she also had it. She didn’t disclose this to me when we started having sex, but as 2 out of 3 people have HSV-1 globally (source: WHO), I personally don’t consider this a big deal. The stigma is worse than the actual virus in my opinion. Anyway…
Afterwards, she mentioned that she had a HSV-2 outbreak when she was 12, which was 11 years ago. She explicitely said that she has not had it since and now has a small scar somewhere around her genitals (however, I have not seen it). I felt a bit broken due to this, as **she** was the one who asked me “are you clean?” when we started having sex. Personally, this implies that the person who asks this is clean as well. Right?
Am I in the wrong for feeling a bit pissed and broken? We have a good chemistry and good sex, but I feel like she has betrayed my trust a bit. We have spoken a little bit yesterday about this and plan on doing that today as well. I want her and me to take a STD test just in case. I just want some other opinions.
3 comments
I’m conflicted, she absolutely should’ve disclosed this to you from the start, her not doing that is not okay. However if she was diagnosed at age 12 she likely acquired it by being molested/sexually assaulted so I can understand why that would complicate the issue
Just so I’m following correctly. She asked are you clean? And you said yes and did not disclose the HSV-I and then later had an outbreak and told her about the HSV-I?
If that is the case, you cannot be upset she didn’t disclose the HSV-II because you didn’t disclose something either. Her also sounds a lot less concerning given it’s been so long since the outbreak it seems like she might truly be disease free. Especially if she’s had tons of testing with nothing ever coming back
You didn’t disclose your status to her, either. You mentioned You assumed she was “clean” bc she asked you first about it, which you should never assume, and it could have been her way of trying to bring up an uncomfortable topic.
Neither of you were being honest. So, you’re both at fault.
If you both do plan on getting tested, you have to specifically ask for HSV1+2, hepatitis, and HIV testing as those aren’t included in a general STI panel.