I broke my girlfriend’s (of about 1 and 3/4 years) trust by lying to her when I was scared, when I should have been honest and communicative straight away. This happened a couple of times and she understandably feels unsure about us.
This happened first due to a miscommunication about porn (she doesn’t like it, I’ve watched occasionally, she had said in the past that she didn’t care if I watched, but that has changed and she was under the impression I didn’t so was hurt when it came up in conversation one day. I no longer do). It has also happened when she repeatedly asked me if I found people that we knew attractive, I said no at first as I thought that was the right thing to do, but after multiple times I said sure they’re conventionally attractive etc (and there were some that I felt attracted to more so but purely physically), but I only eyes for her. I was trying to be as honest as possible. She was hurt about that, but I also see how this became more of a trust problem than anything due to me having withheld the truth out of fear of causing insecurities in our relationship.
It happened last night when she asked if I had thought of other people while having sex, I repeated my past mistake while mentally panicking and said no, but then after prying told her I had, I thought this was normal to very occasionally happen during sex, I don’t do it compulsively as I love sharing that with her, and find her so attractive. This has broken her trust more by lying again, and she also feels as though I simply used her during sex, when I never have had any intention of that.
I need to show her that I am serious about our relationship, and that I find her attractive and only want to be with her. I am trying to do this through my actions but have a lot of mental fog from worrying. My words aren’t enough, and material things would be shallow. I just need advice on what I can do above the everyday things, as if nothing changes and we let this situation fizzle out, it’ll be the last straw. We are doing okay right now, but I want to double down.
I feel like, or rather am, a terrible boyfriend right now. That’s not who I am as a person, and I want to be everything she deserves.
Sorry for the long post, and advice is appreciated.
TLDR: Advice needed on how to reaffirm trust and serious commitment in a relationship when it’s been broken.
1 comment
Firstly, a girl who constantly asks these questions is a walking red flag so idk what you gonna do about that . Also the porn thing is kinda controlling.
If you decide to stay with her though, you need to know this… If a woman ever, EVER asks you questions like;
Do you think about other girls during sex?
Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Do you find my friend Mary-Sue attractive?
You say no. No. NO! Before the question is even out of her mouth you say a big proud and happy “NO”.
Is it a lie? Maybe. Will it save her feelings? Yes.