So I (17m) and my gf (16) have been together for almost a year now. We love each other so much and are each others firsts and she’s just so amazing. I just always feel bad asking for sexual things. In the beginning she was the one who advanced things sexually- very forward too.
I love giving and making her feel great, which I do, a lot. However I notice a distinct lack of reciprocity. Today was kind of the tipping point. We spent the night the other day and had sex. The next morning no one was home to drive me back or for us to do anything so it’s just tons of cuddling and rubbing bodies and me waiting while she sleeps. I make comments about how im aroused but not forcefully but just letting her know. I asked what she wants to do she says idk and she asks I say the same. I wait while she’s sleeping til 4:30pm and being very patient until I outright say I would like a handjob. I NEVER ask for anything sexually because it’s always on her terms, everytime I initiate I get shut down until she wants it. Right now she’s finally awake and has been for 15 mins. Her reaction is annoyance and “I’ll do it, but I don’t want to”. I IMMEDIATELY backed out. No way Im making her do something she doesn’t want. But it left me feel hurt. This isn’t there first time I’m denied. I May not always be in the biggest sexy mood but when she asks if i want to wash my hanfd (code for rubbing fingering) i always say yes. Now that I’m on a tangent I should mentioned I get NO blowjobs. It’s her choice but if I’m going to town eating her out, fingering, rubbing, then the least I could get is a handjob. Recently it was my birthday and we didn’t get around to sex on my actual birthday so recently when we did have sex, before she asked if there was anything I wanted which I couldn’t respond to because I wanted a bj. She read my mind and went to to town and actually started. For 10 seconds and then stopped and asked what else I want. I don’t want a handjob. not for consolation for a bj too. We wrapped up fine with normal sex.
TLDR; I give a lot sexually but see very little individual attention for myself and when I ask for it , it’s always shut down. I can’t remember a single time any sort of intimacy was initiated by me that was accepted. Am I wrong for wanting more individual attention?
4 comments
This is not going to be what you want to hear, and I’m sorry for that, but to my read, there’s a decent chance that she has begun to move on from this relationship mentally and emotionally.
I could be wrong. For your sake I hope I’m wrong as I get the impression that you’re very much into her, but that is the way this reads to me if I’m being honest about it.
She’s young. She’s still a teenager. She may just simply not have the same level of sex drive, that teenage guys are notorious for. Not saying she has none, but hormones and life stuff can affect libido drastically. As can pressure. Any passive aggressiveness or irritation in your tone she will be able to tell and that’s a turn off. Maybe spend more time relieving your own needs privately (not with another) and if you two have a good, mutually loving relationship I’m sure she’ll come back with more desire than before. Just be patient. You sound like a decent guy, a giver too, as am I, just understand there may be other stresses in her life that are killing the vibe. At your ages there is so much pressure and changes, I would put it down to that more so than anything else.
How is your relationship non sexually? Do you have romantic dates where no sex is involved? Massages? Spending time out doing cool things in nature? Etc. Cook a nice meal together, go out for dinner/movies, etc.
It sounds like she is uncomfortable giving a handjob or blow job because she’s not confident in her ability to give them. When I was her age I was terrified of both because I always felt like I was going to hurt the guy.
First of all, buy a water based lube on Amazon.
This is a game changer for those who are learning to give a handjob. Secondly, talk to your girlfriend via text about this to give her time to answer on her own terms in the correct words. Being a teenager is already hard enough without having to answer a question on the spot about sexual wants and needs. She also may feel like there’s less pressure to say yes via text and may be more likely to open dialogue.
There are ways you can show her what you like in person or explain via text.
As for blow jobs…. It is extremely difficult to learn to breathe through your nose while also focusing on your partners pleasure.
If you don’t believe me. Grab something a similar shape and size to yourself and put it in your mouth and simulate exactly what you’d want your girlfriend to do. Don’t stop and take a breather or go slow. Do it exactly what you ideally want to have happen.
You will VERY quickly realize the level of skill involved in giving a blow job.
She needs reassurances from you that she can use lube and one hand one you while giving a blow job so she’s capable of actually doing it. It’s easier to learn this way because you’re not completely overwhelmed by just doing one thing and being bad at it.
If she still isn’t interested in discussing this with you or meeting you half way… you’re likely not sexually compatible and it will never change.
A lot of relationships end for this exact reason.
Also- don’t ask someone for a sexual favor right after they woke up. You could have taken care of yourself while she slept.
It does come across rude, even if you didn’t intend on it. It’ll make women feel like a sex doll more than your partner
This brand is actually pretty good –
https://a.co/d/i8J2vzj
Welcome to being a straight male. Of course it’s not wrong to want your needs met. Find someone who will meet them if you’re not happy.