My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years on and off. The other day I (M24) get a random Snapchat message from my boyfriends (M24) brother (M25) and he asks me if I’m able to lend him $250 to take out his girlfriend for her birthday since he’s a bit tight on money.
With not much thought about how my boyfriend may see this I agreed and sent him the money. We agreed that he’d pay me back next Friday so i didn’t mind letting him borrow the money. However I tell my boyfriend everything and I’m not sure how exactly to bring up this conversation or if I even should. What do you all think?
Do I tell my boyfriend about his brother? Or keep it between me and him since we have an agreement?
Tldr: brothers boyfriend asked to borrow some money. I gave it to him but do I tell my boyfriend?
19 comments
Is there a reason you shouldn’t? Like, is there a culturally or social perogative for secrecy?
Honest question btw. Can’t see why it should be an issue unless your BF would disapprove of the loan.
What’s the need to keep it a secret? It’s always best not to keep secrets from your significant other. IMO it would be better to have the brother upset with you than your boyfriend.
>With not much thought about how my boyfriend may see this
How might he see this? What’s the issues here?
Tell your boyfriend. There’s a reason why the brother didn’t ask him for the money first or a reason why your boyfriend didn’t loan him the money.
Why shouldn’t you tell him. And why did he ask you
Is this a real post? I’m sorry I’m having a really hard time understanding why a 24 year old adult didn’t realize this was such a bad idea.
Why in the world did you agree to lend this guy a large sum of money? Why did you do that before even mentioning it to your boyfriend?
Yes, *of course* you have to mention this to your boyfriend. What you say is “hey, I think I might have fucked up.” and then you explain what happened.
It seriously never occurred to you to wonder “why does he need so much money for this?” You never thought “if he doesn’t have $250 now how is he going to get it by next week?” The guy is so strapped for cash he’s asking for money from his brother’s on-and-off boyfriend, but you think he’s going to pay you back? How well do you two even know each other?
Why did he ask you instead of his brother?
Of course you should, and you shouldn’t have given him any money. You should have let your bf take care of it.
You should have checked in with your boyfriend BEFORE sending hundreds of dollars to his brother. There’s a reason he asked you and not his brother. It could for sure lead to issues in the future. Brother could be an addict or something.
Are you sure this was his brother, and not a scam or phishing attempt? How did you send the money?
You should contact the brother directly to make sure its him and not you getting scammed.
If you got scammed you should do a chargeback on your card, but be prepared that its gone forever.
Yes, you should. I don’t know why keep a secret because it is something apparently harmless.
I would not expect to ever see that money paid back…. And yes tell your boyfriend, he will definitely think it’s weird if he finds out that you didn’t tell him
Money “loaned” to friends and family are gifts. Don’t ask for it back, don’t expect it back. If it does come back, wonderful. If not, wonderful.
Also, tell your boyfriend. It’s your money, you don’t need his permission to give it to someone — family or otherwise. If he has any misgivings and reasons for those misgivings, take them into consideration. No one is really being protected by this secret, though.
Boy, are you ever a push-over. No reason to keep this as a secret deal.
Girlfriend’s birthday is not a good reason to hit someone up for a loan. And consider he probably already asked his brother.
This dude is definitely shady. He even asked I a way that there is no proof. Don’t give ehim money again. Just say you don’t have it. Anyone can ask theri family, go to check in to cash, open a credit card, take up and extra shift, sign up for door dash, sell their tv… This person shouldn’t be asking you for money. And definitely not secretly.
Never loan money unless it’s for something super important (shelter/food/medical) and then question it even then. Any time you loan money anticipate not getting it back.
Of course you should tell your boyfriend. But I think you should have talked to him about it first.
WORK ON BOUNDARIES!!!
ITS YOUR RIGHT TO SAY NO.
NOT EVERY PERSON WHO ASKS YOU FOR MONEY HAS THE INTENTION TO PAY IT ALL BACK.
Judging from your last post about your bf it seems that he would be upset about this and you know that. I guess you’ll have to tell him.