I’m scared that I am entitled, and I don’t know what to do.

I have had a few jobs, the one I was in the longest, I lost it due to COVID. And the only reason I kept it so long was that the people I worked with were insanely supportive and able to help me out.

I have since learned this is not the norm.

I have had three jobs since then.

All of which I have lost due to being too slow to learn, taking things way too literally and not being able to prioritise my tasks properly (I am in the process of finding out if I have some kind of learning disability or ADHD or Autism or some combination of the three?)

And. My mum literally said to me, ‘if I didn’t support you, would you be homeless?’

I have said on multiple occasions ‘yes’.

Because I honestly don’t know how I would support myself.

And it’s not just ‘hard’ and ‘complicated’ jobs. Though I do find the office jobs I have had to be too hard. But also a cashier job that I was fired from for similar reasons.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much I want to learn, I can’t remember.

Then I get burnt out. Even in the one job I stayed in for two years. I burnt out. And, felt so tired after work, like I couldn’t do anything else.

I think I did do other stuff, but whenever I try to balance my personal life with work.

Like going out after work, I always inevitably get sick (with a flu) and end up having to take sick days.

I tried to get into copywriting recently. But I genuinely hated it.

I don’t know what to do?

I couldn’t even remember recipes for a job I once had as a kitchen hand, without the recipe constantly in front of me.

And none of this is from a lack of trying either.

But whenever I do a job I don’t like for too long, I genuinely get burnt out quickly.

And, I am scared that sounds like an excuse.

I’m honestly not sure anymore.

I have recently started applying for part-time jobs. But I am not looking forward to it. Scared I’ll re-start the cycle of trying the hardest I can, then getting fired.

Oh well, wish me luck.

EDIT: Looking to get diagnosed with ADHD or Autism in the next few months.