I (55M) had an older brother, Mike. He was 5 years older than me. He got married and had a daughter, Sophie, when he was 30. Unfortunately, disaster struck 2 years later and both Mike and his wife died in an accident.
I took Sophie in and tried bringing her up the best way I could. It was hard to balance work and suddenly being a full time parent and I admit I made a lot of mistakes, especially when Sophie was still little. Despite that, Sophie grew up and blossomed in a wonderful woman. When she was still little, I could have only dreamed of such a result.
Once Sophie was old enough, she expressed her desire to go to college, so I tried my best to help. I took on more work to earn enough to pay for college, I checked for scholarships and helped her study. Somehow, in some way, we managed to do it. She had to commute from home and work part-time but she went to college and graduated with only a small debt.
Shortly after her graduation, she found a good job and started working full time. It was far away so we didn’t see much. I admit having the house suddenly empty was sad but it was for the best.
3 years ago Sophie met this guy, Jerry (32 I think). They have been dating for 2 years and he seems like a good guy. She sometime send me a photo of them together.
Sophie suddenly appeared in front of my door 4 days ago. She had a bunch of bags and said she is on vacation and she wanted to stay with me for 10 days.
I’m happy with this but it’s a weird behavior: she has come back home for the holidays in the past ( for Christmas and Easter mostly) but never for such a long time and especially not without calling me before.
I tried asking her if something happened and she said no. She seems happy so I doubt anything bad happened but I feel like she is hiding something from me.
I have spent the last 4 days with her, cooking, watching tv and talking, yet she still refuse to tell me the real reason she is here.
TL;DR : I took care of my niece since she was 2. Now she is 30 and she is suddenly back home. She won’t tell me the real reason she is here.
Any ideas on the possible reason for her behavior? Am I just being overly suspicious?
9 comments
Obviously it’s something bad. She’ll tell you when she’s ready. Don’t push it. And full marks for being a stellar uncle/foster parent.
It does seem odd. I would counter it by just loving and supporting her as you have her whole life. Let her know if she needs to talk, your ears are open.
I think you have good instincts because you know your niece. If she’s not talking about the boyfriend at all, and suddenly showed up at your door, the relationship may have broken up. I hope she talks to you about it at some point.
She’s not ready.
Please give her the grace she needs to get comfortable enough to tell you.
Do not push her. It’s only been four days.
Live Kid. She’s safely home with you, the place she feels to be her nest, her refuge. You made her a home.
She may need time. She may be happy, she may be in shock.
Just in the unlikely case it’s trauma related, though, you might want to be aware of a good counselor you can check in with or help her get access to, if she’s got a lot to process.
Yeah I’m just gonna add to the chorus… There’s a good likelihood something very serious and potentially harmful has happened to Sophie. She may be in some kind of shock, which could explain her acting happy even if something’s really wrong. She may be processing and compartmentalizing her pain away right now.
At worst, she has come to her safe place for shelter. At best, she’s spontaneously shown up for leisure.
That which is in the dark now will come to the light in time.
Is it possible that she’s on vacation and wanted to stay with you for 10 days?
Seriously, though, she’s an adult. She can tell you when she’s ready if something is wrong.
Just tell you love her and are here for her.
Obviously, something is wrong… but it’s up to her when, or if, she’ll be ready to talk about it and tell you what happened.
She showed up on your doorstep because she knew it’d be a safe place to go when she was in need. So, be that safe place. Let her deal with whatever it is she’s dealing with. She may tell you what’s really going on, or she may not. For now, just give her the safety and space she showed up looking for.