So a little bit of context. I(29M) am a single dad and I met her (26F) on tinder a few weeks ago. I have full custody of my son so dating can be kind of rough for me. I had a quick first date with her during a lunch break and we talked in a park everything seemed alright so I invited her to my place one evening while the kid was asleep and we had a great moment. No sex happened as I’m looking for a relationship and not a hookup.
So we agreed to meet again and a few days later she came back. She told after a few hours of talking and laughing she had a knife in her bag, I understood because well its kinda scary to go to a stranger place. Then she insisted to show me the knife. She pulled out a fucking tactical knife. That thing was larger that my arm. I’m European and I’m pretty sure that thing was illegal to carry and would be more qualified as a sword.
She seemed really proud to show that to me. I told her to put it back and she did but she made a joke really really fucked up. Last time she tried to iniate sex and I told her I wished to wait as I’m not interested in hook ups. So this night she told that I should be careful if I refuse to have sex again. Honestly it just straight up scared me and she saw it. She apologized but I asked her to leave. I went into full defensive mode, took distance from her. When she went for a kiss as she left I just moved away so she left without it.
It was a few days ago, she have been apologizing alot ever since, saying it was a simple joke. But honestly I’m not sure I want her back to my place.
Am I the one overreacting over that? I know that going to a stranger place is scary, I don’t mind the fact that she could have a knife to protect herself. But the size of that thing, and the joke she made. It just seems wrong.
Edit : she told me she showed me the knife because she felt safe enough to disclose it to me. And that joke was just a clumsy attempt at telling me she wanted to have sex. I’m honestly conflicted about it because she sound remorseful.
38 comments
Trust your gut instinct.
From here on out, don’t have people at your home that you haven’t known for long. You don’t want to jeopardize you or your childs safety.
Normal people don’t flaunt the weapons they carry for protection. I for one, don’t tell a soul what I have in my purse.
Shes nuts.
dude, that “be careful” comment is enough for me to nope out of the entire thing.
You barely know her and she carries a big dangerous knife around. What if you did something she misunderstood? You would have been slaughtered! And this joke. She may say it is to lighten the mood, but it shows that she had still in the back of her mind “i have a knife availible!” Or did you thought about it the whole time?
As i said, you barely knows her and just no! Never see her again! Who knows what else she does “as a joke”.
Trust your instinct, you have a child to think about. She showed you some crazy red flags pretty early on, let her go. I’d be wary on inviting women back to your place so early on again as well. People are truly crazy.
Sounds like an over reaction to me, but I’m an American and I wouldn’t go on a date without my taser gun.
It’s illegal to carry a knife? I feel bad for women there
Why is she carrying a tactical knife? Unless she used to be in the military or has a practical (non-violent) use for the knife, I would consider this a bit of a red flag.
Consider that a knife is a really bad choice for self-defense, if that’s her reason for carrying it. Mace, tasers and even guns are a better choice. Most of the time, you want to stun the attacker, giving you enough time to get away. With a handgun, you can hold off an attacker from a distance. But brandishing a knife, even a scary one, does not guarantee your attacker stops approaching. The knife is useless at a distance. Even if you stab them with it, that may not stop them from attacking. And if they manage to get the knife out of your hands, there’s a significant risk that the knife could be used against you.
What knives are good for is sneak attacks, not self-defense. This doesn’t rule out the possibility that she keeps it around as a kind of psychological safety blanket. She might have previously been raped or the victim of domestic abuse, and sometimes people just need something to feel safer even if it doesn’t actually make them safer.
I still consider it a red flag because there are so many other better rational choices for self-defense.
On the other hand, if she just carries knives around because she thinks they’re cool, then I would also consider that a red flag. It’s just not a normal hobby for women to be into stuff like that.
And while her being eccentric in this way doesn’t prove she’s dangerous, is it worth rolling the dice? There are a lot of crazy people out there, and crazy + knife is a bad combo. Plus you haven’t known her for that long.
However, I will say this. Many women will assume when you invite them back to your place, that it’s for sex. It might be better to avoid that if you want to take things slow rather than hooking up, so as to not give false expectations. I understand that it’s probably difficult will a kid in the house, because you’d have to find a babysitter.
As for this particular woman, I don’t fault her for being disappointed or making a bad joke. I do question why she keeps a knife around like that to begin with, and it weirds me out that she wanted to show it off.
If you want to keep seeing her, I would only do so in public places until you get to know what she’s really like. It’s unfortunate that she already knows where you live. Another reason why you shouldn’t have invited her to your place so soon.
knowing you have a child, joke or not, that was completely out of line. had your child seen or heard what she had said… she sounds crazy. she shouldn’t jokingly threaten someone to have sex with her.
Yeah, that “joke” she made was about possibly coercing you into having sex with her or else. The fact that she said she made it to get the point across that she wanted to have sex with you makes it worse. “I want you so bad I don’t care if you’re willing” is not as flattering as some people seem to think it is. The knife itself isn’t a bad idea I guess, but the knife plus showing you the knife, plus the threat/joke she made all comes together into a nope situation. Truth is, you don’t know her well enough to know whether she’s really joking or not, at best she could just be tone deaf, but I wouldn’t risk it. Personally, I’d feel real uncomfortable about someone joking about raping me while we’re dating, but that’s just me.
Nope. All the Nos. I hope you have a home security system because that was really scary.
She brought a weapon on a date and threatened to assault you if you refused sex. There’s no planet where that’s funny. That’s a lot of bad judgment that could be lethal for you.
The knife in her bag isn’t so much the issue as much as her showing it off followed by her “joke”. The whole thing feels like a threat. If a man had done this to a women there would have been uproar.
Your kiddo is in that house with you OP. Don’t bring her back (or see her again)
She is definitely a keeper, get a ring on her finger asap ….
OP, run.
> Last time she tried to iniate sex and I told her I wished to wait as I’m not interested in hook ups. So this night she told that I should be careful if I refuse to have sex again.
Well..she may think that’s a joke, but that’s scary af.
It’s like if a guy I started to date for only 2 dates showing me that he’s armed and then say, I should be careful if I refuse him sex…
Uh. NO THANKS. You have a child, let’s not date questionable people, OP. Please.
where i live nobody would bat an eye at someone carrying a knife. and it couldn’t have been that huge if it fits in her purse unless she’s carrying around a damn suitcase. so i can’t tell if you overreacted or if she actually was being weird. either way y’all should separate and find more compatible dates.
If the genders were reversed you would not be second guessing your instincts.
You have a child, why the fuck are you bringing anyone around him even if he is asleep?????
This is didturbing, you have your son at home, don’t bring her back, keep looking.
Honestly… what the heck induces people to let strangers come into their house where their kids live without knowing them propperly beforehand?
What are you even keeping that creepy foreign girl overnight in your house?
Are you stupid?
Out with her. And get an official warrant to keep her away from you, your son, your house!
Honestly… “Oh, she just menaced me with a friggin knife… but she sounded remorseful… Am I to keep her?”
Uh…. NO WAY!
What the actual fuck. As someone who carries a bigass tactical knife in her purse, this woman is nuts and the comment about being careful if you refuse sex is rapey as hell.
Uh, she literally threatened you. Either she threatened to rape you or she threatened to attack you with the knife if you refused to have sex with her. Either way that’s scary. Imagine how she might react to your child if she ever gets angry. Neither you nor your child is safe around her.
Always listen to your gut. We pick of hormones others are putting out. Gut feelings are not to be ignored. You don’t know this person and she has already made you feel scared and threatened in your own home. She also has a creepy weapon that you are not comfortable with. Idk the whole thing is weird for sure
Play the Gender reverse game. Imagine a man at a single mother’s place. Pulls out a tactical knife from a bag and tell you: careful if you refuse sex tonight.
Trust your instincts. You have a child to protect.
You have a kid, so it wouldn’t be just your life you’d be worried about. Joke or not it was not a good one and she should’ve not said it.
Jesus she sounds crazy. Stay far away from her.
I think she would have been better off doing a background check on you. A knife is a lot and honestly in a dangerous situation it is unlikely she’d be able to get to it.
The threat, joking or not, is not cool. I’d be turned off, too. Hopefully she has learned a lesson.
You are not overreacting. Move on.
How about you dont bring strangers into a home where your kids sleep.
Showing the knife could easily be innocent if she’s just super into that stuff but she should 100% know better than to make jokes like that
> she told me she showed me the knife because she felt safe enough to disclose it to me
Nah. If someone who has a weapon starts to feel safe enough, all they do is leave it at home. It was shown to you as a covert threat.
If she further made an attempt to make a rape joke or something about sex at knifepoint, it’s not a joke or an attempt to initiate sex, it’s also a covert threat.
Block her!!
Ok, not sure where you are. You say you’re European, so, if you’re in Europe, they have some really strict weapons laws over there. But if you’re in the US, such a knife is (mostly) not illegal, and not really surprising for a woman to carry. Considering today’s world and the fact that Tinder has a VERY bad habit of attracting the crazies, male, female, and everything in between……
So, onto her actions.
Basically….
run….
I know a lot of people who carry something got protection (anywhere from guns to pepper spray). I’m American and it is legal here obviously but even here this behavior is a red flag. Despite all the news you see out of America about people open carrying assault weapons in grocery stores, for most people the accepted standard of behavior is that you never see or hear about somebody’s weapon unless they are ready to use it. Most of the time you would never know when someone is armed. Showing it off, talking about it or flashing it around changes the dynamics of a situation and makes it more likely for dangerous escalation to happen. So someone who is doing that is regarded as someone who potentially looks forward to violence or gets off on the power-dynamic that being armed causes.
So, i (27F) always carry a knife, at least, on me whenever I’m going anywhere for my protection. I have also disclosed, post feeling comfortable with someone that I had it because it’s important for someone to know if they see it. I have, however, NEVER threatened or even jokingly implied I would rape someone with it.
She might have been being clumsy and felt super awkward and shy but it’s super unacceptable that she made the joke at all. It’s up to you if you see her again but I wouldn’t, if this “joke” made you uncomfortable. You need to protect yourself first.
You missed a golden opportunity for a Crocodile Dundee joke “you call that a knife?” *unzips*
A stranger threatened you with a knife, joke or not, in the home where your child lives?
And you didn’t file a police report?
Okay
I carry a pocket knife in my purse for boxes, zip ties at work, etc. It’s a modest blade but technically illegal in the state I work in. I expected you meant she carried a knife like that. Not what you described. We have some knives like that but only for heavy farm work and even that’s overkill. I’d never a) bring it to someone’s house b) make them look at it and c) joke about sa at knife point??!
This is pretty strange to me. On one hand, I’m an American. Lots of people I know, including a lot of women (even my grandma) carry guns. Practically EVERYONE carries a pocket knife, so it’s not really strange to me that the girl is carrying a weapon. What is strange to me is that she was insisting on showing it to you. Even us Americans aren’t whipping guns and knives out going “look at what I’ve got.” I’m not gonna go as far as saying she’s dangerous, but it’s definitely weird.
Just move on and block her. It was probably just a bad joke, but probably isn’t good enough when it comes to you and your son’s safety.
To be clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with carrying a knife, especially for a woman. It’s the way she showed it off and basically threatened you that makes it weird.