I have no idea what to do. The last time we had sex in June.
Our child was born August’20. It was awful labor, I couldn’t even sit for two weeks after. I had really bad injuries, infection. After almost 3 months my doctor said that we can try, everything is ok. But sex was painful! I was trying, I spend a lot of money for psychical therapy. It took me over a year. When it started to be ok, than my husband started to say “no” to me.
I feel awful now. I know my body changed after baby but he said it’s ok. I don’t think he has someone else.
4 comments
What’s his reason
When I had our son 19 yrs ago I tore from my cervix down through my anal/vaginal wall. Also my inner labia ripped off. After that trauma, my Dr paraded everyone through to see my birth injuries like I was some sort of freak show. It felt like even the janitor had gotten a peek. He actually didn’t but over 70 med students, Drs and nurses got shown. I was humiliated and my husband was just in shock over how badly things got tore apart. After many surgeries we finally got the all clear. First time was extremely painful. Husband of course stopped but it really made having sex hard for him because he was worried it would lead to me having more pain. I finally took him to my Dr appointment with me so the surgeon could explain everything and how the healing process would affect me. Yes it was painful/uncomfortable in the beginning but with some tips and advice the Dr helped us through. Is it possible your husband is worried about causing you pain and that’s why he doesn’t want to? We go through the trauma, injury and healing but also forget sometimes our husbands had some trauma too when we experienced the injuries. It can really affect their mindset and emotional state when sex causes pain for us. Try talking to him about it. I’m not saying that it’s the same reason for your husband as it was for mine but talking to a lot of women who had injuries during childbirth it seems to be a general issue shared. It’s not usually anything like the husband finds his partner repulsive or anything. It’s just hard for them to get past fear of causing pain in most circumstances like this.
He is collating your traumatic birth and the injuries you had after delivery to your current sex life. And then I am sure he saw your reaction when trying to have sex after 3 months. Sex=pain. He doesn’t want to or is afraid to hurt you. He needs to possible have some couples counseling where you can bring up your needs and discuss his issues with intimacy in a neutral supportive environment and he can open up and you can communicate better and work through this problem. He needs reassurance that you are okay and that he won’t hurt you.
He might be (perhaps irrationally) worried he’s going to physically hurt you, after everything you’ve been through, medically…?