I was working with my boyfriend on one of his side jobs, which I’m not paid for. All day he was mad at me because I “wasn’t listening.” It started the night before when he showed me a clip from a movie about Exodus. I asked him during the clip if he thought the algae bloom theory is right. He stopped the clip and restarted it. He got extremely angry and kept telling me to stop talking and watch the clip. Throughout the night he kept bringing this back up about how I’m so rude, and I am just the worst for not waiting until the clip was over.
Weeks ago he got mad at me over ripping his blanket off of him when I got tangled in the blankets. He said I did it 4 times and it only didn’t happen a 5th time because he screamed at me. Before the 5th time I told him I’d go get another blanket, but this enflamed the situation and he said I can’t just skirt around issues like that, I need to be more careful and stop ripping the blanket off. He brought this up today about how this is the same thing as me interrupting the Exodus clip and not listening to him. He yelled at me for 2 hours on the job we were working on today, and I ended up having a breakdown and I felt really weird and unstable. He asked me if I took my zoloft, asked if I was on my period, etc. After this he yelled at me because I wasn’t moving fast enough and I didn’t do whatever he told me to do well enough. I’m like on the verge of a breakdown. I end up crying and he tells me I’m like a 4 year old child.
After work he and I talked and were okay. We order pizza, go outside to the car to wait. He wants to brush his hair, so I give him a mini brush that was in my purse. He asks me for my water bottle to put water in his hair. I put some water in my hand and get the back of his head where he missed. He immediately tips his head up and stands up straight again (he was looking down and kinda hunched over), and hit me really hard on the thigh with the plastic brush. It’s like 20 degrees Fahrenheit out. It stung so bad where he hit me. Immediately my eyes started to well up and I said why would you hit me? That hurt so bad. I don’t ever want to be hit with anything. He told me to stop being a victim, and I knew that I was too rough with his hair and I was not listening once again and also he did not hit me hard like I am saying. He tells me that he knows if we have kids that I would just do whatever I wanted with them and not ever listen to what he wants. He also uses analogies s
Tldr; I feel like this is beyond abuse, right? I don’t know if this is worth leaving him over or if I should let it slide and talk to him more tomorrow about how if this ever happens again, then I’m done. I’m so upset. I feel like everything I did today was wrong. I came over to his house yesterday because he was getting over a cold, and I made him homemade chicken noodle soup and gave him cold medicine. I am helping him on a job. I feel like a joke. Nothing I am doing is making him happy and he actually hit me.
33 comments
This is abuse! You can’t stay with a man that hits you! I’m so sorry!
Please get out. This will only get worse, and if you stay? He’ll grind every aspect of you down until all you say, all you do is a reflection of what he wants you to be.
There is nothing to wait around for. This is emotional and physical abuse. If it’s the first time he hit you, know that it will get worse. None of the things you describe is normal. Get out now, but make a plan before you do. Abusive partners get a lot worse when they are left because they hate their authority and control being questioned. Pack your things when he’s not around, change your number, find a safe place to go and never look back. I recommend also calling a domestic abuse refuge and speaking with them, they’ll do an assessment for you to help evaluate the risk you’re facing.
Stop rationalizing his fucked up behavior. You are not the problem. Do not I repeat do not stay a moment longer in this relationship.
It’s most definitely abuse.
Are you actually asking if this is worth leaving over? You’re joking, right? Right?? My God. This thread is honestly a waste of your time. You KNOW what you need to do. Don’t wait for people on the Internet to validate you.
He’s abusive. Don’t stay with him. He’s manipulating you. You’re doing him a service working for him without pay and he’s screaming at you. You take care of him and he hits you.
Don’t doubt your sanity. Never let it slide when someone screams at you and start to hit you. It’s time for you to go.
He doesn’t respect and love you anymore
🚩🚩🚩
No more second chances. You’ve given him plenty. Get gone.
Every part of what you have written is awful behavior. You should make a plan and leave him for someone who doesn’t belittle you.
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Why Does He Do That by Lundy is a book about abuse that’s free and readily available to anyone. It can help you make sense of all of this, and everyone should read it to know exactly what to look out for.
I read your old postings… He is an abuser and dangerous. He is aggressive to you, he puts you down, he manipulates you. You needs to leave! He won’t change. He will just get worse. This is not love. He use you for power. He puts you down to feel better. He yells at you at is aggressive to use you as a punching ball. But you don’t treat a person you love or respect like this. He looks down on you and just use you.
And if you say “but we have some nice moments” Abuser always treat there victims great again after abuser otherwise they wouldn’t stay. Even those who punch their partner to hospital whisper sweet words in their ears afterwards. If it is extreme, it is called love bombing.
You deserve better. You should go to therapy since you are a victim of abuse and he clearly destroyed your view how a healthy relationship should be and your self-esteem. You start to believe that you really did something wrong and his behaviour is acceptable because you need to be punished.
Please get out now. This time is a hairbrush on your thigh, next time it’s a fist to the face. You deserve better!
Yes, this is abuse, and yes, you should leave him. It’s just going to keep escalating. Call a DV hotline for help.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
I bet you spend most, if not all, of your time apologizing to him and walking on eggshells for fear of setting him off.
You are being abused. You have been abused the entire time you have been with him. You need to leave. Things will not get better.
He yells at you regularly and belittles you regularly in order to break you down emotionally and mentally. By doing this he is able to convince you that no one else will want you or tolerate you. It’s a lie. You are worthy of someone who respects you and will appreciate the person you are. This is classic abusive behavior and you need to do whatever you have to to get away from him.
Abusive relationships usually progress in this manner. First he/she is sweet as sugar to earn your trust and love. Then they begin to point out all of your “flaws” they “put up with” that no one else would. (This is a lie. You’re human just as everyone else and no where near as flawed as they say.) They yell at you for insignificant things, in order to intimidate and belittle you. They try to isolate you from anyone who builds you up and supports you. Eventually the begin to get physical by pushing, shoving, body blocking or as in your case hitting you with something. It will progress further if you stay.
That’s what you have to remember; you can leave. You do deserve better. You are worthy of love and respect. You are not so flawed as to be undesirable. We all have flaws, including him. This is a trick abusers use because they know if you do not believe this you will leave them as well you should. Please do not stay with him. He is not the one man in the world. You can and will do better than him if you leave him and get the support and help you need to get past his horrible treatment of you.
List of when it’s ok to hit your partner:
1.when you fear for your life and are trying to escape and it’s needed to get away.
2. When you’ve discussed boundaries and safe words and acceptable force/attachments and they’ve asked to be – normally with some sort of a harder admonition because safety should be paramount and you should always focus on working up to the force level your partner wants and not backing off cause you started too hard.
Case 1 they are your ex partner as it should never get here if you are together – unless you’re in a scifi thriller with alien mind control and they just need the antidote, but for all real life scenarios if 1 is invoked it’s over.
Case 2 enjoy responsibly.
That’s a whole lot of constant abuse. It’s time to go.
Run.
Guys like this need a woman to make them a pot of grits, Madea style.
This is not salvageable. He has crossed a line and the behaviors can’t be fixed. Sorry you are being treated with this abuse and gaslighting. Unfortunately this stuff tends to escalate — it’s some kind of syndrome. This isn’t your fault or doing.
Why the FUCK would you ‘let it slide’? Would you advise that to a friend?
1. You work for him and are not paid. Why? Why would you do that?
2. He yells at and gets ‘extremely angry’ at you over nothing.
3. He screams at you over BLANKETS, probably to keep you cowed. Every single thing is your fucking fault no matter how innocent.
4. He yells at you enough to make you feel unstable and tells you YOU are childish.
5. He fucking HITS you with a hairbrush over nothing. Do you hit people with hairbrushes? Are you cool with people hitting you or others?
6. ‘Stop being a victim”? He said that to push you to dismiss the fact that he is BEATING ON YOU. You ARE a victim, for fuckssakes.
I could go on. This is abuse. Far and away abuse. Physical, emotional, financial. He is beating you – in every way – into the fucking ground.
Leave this motherfucker. Dump him. If he asks why, point out all the shit he complains about. Get the fuck OUT.
this guy has been abusing you for a while and now he’s escalated to physical abuse. leave him like yesterday.
“I don’t know if this is worth leaving him over”. JFC? What is going on in your life that this is even a question?
He’s abusive. And why would you work for him for free? He’s also using you.
He’s a nasty, controlling shitstain! Of course this is abuse! Do whatever you need to do to get away from this bastard!
He took the brush in his hand and used it as a club to hit you in the leg? Why are you with this guy again? It’s going to get worse.
Your boyfriend accuses you of being a 4 year old yet he has shown impatience and lashes out in a tantrum when he doesnt get his way? He abused you with a hairbrush. Hed be gone out of my life if i was in your shoes. There is NO EXCUSE.
Ex BF please.
Please tell me this is your ex bf because it sounds like he’s gonna start doing more, he’s already been starting small and that hairbrush is going to be a sign to come.
Dont help him with his side job, dont do anything more with him.
Ex Bf please.
Yeah, this is abuse: emotional, verbal, now physical, + gaslighting. It’s only going to get worse.
Get out now.
Stop reading. Call your parents. Tell them you need help escaping an abusive situation. Pack a bag and walk out the door.
Girl, what part of HE HIT YOU do you not understand? How can you even consider saying in a relationship with someone who HIT you?? Because that won’t keep escalating at all.
This is abuse. Get out while you still can.