My wife (31) and I (M29) seem to be in a never ending cycle of nothingness. We have 2 children, and aside from them there doesn’t seem to be a lot in common anymore. I put in a tremendous amount of effort into being a hard worker and a good father/husband. My family is everything to me. My children saved my life.
When there’s finally time in a day that my wife and I can have even an hour or two to ourselves, she never wants to even be near me. Doesn’t want to talk (unless she wants to buy something), and forget about intimacy. This has been a conversation multiple times over the last 2 years, when there’s a problem, we talk. It’s the listening and follow through that’s the issue. My wife “yess” me to death. Knows what to say, but never does anything about it.
I feel like I’m wasting my time in a relationship that seems entirely one sided.
End rant.
PS: If you’re going to comment “couples therapy” been there, done that. Waste of time.
4 comments
Are you going on dates?
Do you both work?
Ages of the kids?
How long have you been married?
But a marriage takes two. Is she very devoted to the kids? Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe they get all her energy and attention and you get nothing.
I hope she realizes it could be so much better. If she gets good feelings from being a mother, she would get good feelings from making you happy too. When the children grow, what will she want to do then? Now is the time to work towards creating the bond so you will have each other after they grow.
Would she enjoy group dates where she can talk to the woman and hear how another woman handles her life? Idk.
I wish you luck.
One of two things come to mind- either something is bothering her or depending on the age of your kids, she may just be in touch/connection overload and looking for any moment where they aren’t around to just be her for a minute and not mom. It’s an unnecessary pressure that we as women put on ourselves to be everything to everybody and when it becomes overwhelming we can shut down and crave a way to disconnect from everything, scroll Instagram, shop etc. She’s giving you a yes so she can keep on doing what she wants to do in that moment, but she’s not hearing you truly. You may have to figure out the why behind what she’s disconnecting from and what she needs to snap back into the relationship. I could be totally off base bc I don’t know the context of your wife’s day to day, but there is definitely a reason she is craving the disconnect and she may not be ready to be honest with herself or you about why.