I’m talking about those who have never dated or had sex before. I’m unfortunately a late bloomer [28F] and when I tell my friends, they say, “oh you’re not missing out!” And yet they talk about fucking a guy on the first date.
I think the reason for that statement is that the dating market is so bad that it’s not worthwhile for us late bloomers. Which is a valid point but we do want to experience dating and having sex with the opposite sex.
I’m getting closer to becoming a 30 year old wizard and have no female friends that are in a similar situation. It’s frustrating to hear “oh you’re not missing out!”
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So M29 here is it that you arent particularly interested or just that it hasnt happened?
“…they say, “oh you’re not missing out!” And yet they talk about fucking a guy on the first date.”
“…we do want to experience dating and having sex with the opposite sex.”
People will likely you tell you most average to reasonably attractive looking women won’t have a difficult time finding a guy who is willing to have sex with them.
A nice body in a somewhat revealing outfit on a Friday/Saturday night in dance club usually has plenty of opportunities for women who are looking to get laid. It’s usually not a challenge.
You should be able to get that out of the way fairly quickly.
People often complain about the “hookup culture”.
Odds are if you created an online dating profile specifying, you’re *not looking for anything serious*. “A girl just wants to have some fun!” My guess is you’ll have some guys responding right away.
Finding someone to date/cultivate an *exclusive relationship* is where most people have challenges.
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Oh you are 100% missing out.
What else is people supposed to say? I mean obviously you are missing something that many people do but I guess it’s both sort of a self deprecating statement and an effort to not make you feel bad.
Yea. The analogy I like to use is there is someone eating greasy pizza and a starving person. The hungry person asks “hey can I have a slice I’m starving I’ve never had pizza before” and the person with the pizza says “oh you don’t want this it’s greasy and unhealthy for you” meanwhile the person is still starving.
It really doesn’t make sense. The people who say that are just conceited and don’t even realize what they have.
I’m 34 now in the same boat and it is annoying as fuck I fully agree with you, along with don’t worry you’ll find someone some day, theres someone out there for everyone, you’ll meet someone when you least expect it and how are you still single
I agree we definitely are missing out and we are allowed to be sad about it. I think a lot of people are just trying to make us feel better
Curious, was there a reason, besides being a late bloomer, we’re you influenced by your parents views on sex?
You are missing out. Do something about it.
Dating apps. Attraction max. Etc.
Trying to spare people feelings just hurts them more in the end
What would be the good thing to say?
I would never tell someone that they are not missing out. But everyone’s life doesn’t stop because someone else is struggling with a particular aspect of their life. So- what would a kind approach look like to you?
Yeah, I can kinda relate. I was a bit of a late bloomer myself and only started really dating and having sex when I was 27, which was just last year. It can be tough missing out on all that stuff earlier on, but it’s not as bad as feeling like you’re way behind the other person in terms of experience. Before I got into it all, everything seemed so mysterious and scary, and I was always wondering how things worked. But now that I’ve had some experience, it’s not such a big deal anymore. That being said, dating as a late bloomer can still be a bit awkward since most people have already been through all that stuff. I’ll admit, I even faked it a bit at first. I pretended like I had more experience than I actually did, and it seemed to work. My dates assumed I had been with other people before, and they never even asked about it so i didn’t really lie but just let their thoughts go free. Once I started acting more confident, it just came naturally.
They’re trying to make you feel better
What’s interesting to me is this seemed to be a male only issue for the longest time.
Now i see a lot more women complaining about it. Makes for some sad times.
Some of you guys are jus not attractive ngl
I’m a 29M late bloomer here, and I’ve heard enough stories about fellow guys who gave up their virginity early and regretted not having been with someone who was important to them. I don’t think fucking a guy on the first date is anything to be proud of. Finding a guy who wants to sleep with you is easy. It’s finding a guy who YOU want to sleep with is the hard part.
I’m at a point in life where my colleagues are all either married or in a serious relationship. There’s certainly a feeling of missing out. However, for me, it’s really a feeling of having not found someone who appreciates who I am as a person. I don’t want to lose my virginity just to prove to the world “oh I can have sex. look at me.”
Find value in who you are as a person. Be willing to be emotionally vulnerable. Don’t live your life to make others happy. If you really want to find a guy, don’t take a passive role in it. If you see someone you like, go start a conversation. Be willing to get rejected. It hurts, but it hurts more watching life go by in front of you and not doing anything to change it.
I mean I can be different. sex is awesome and I love having it. Those who are saying you are not missing out have not experienced their own pleasure efficiency or have a partner to give them such immense pleasure.
Congrats on the wizardry progression. I got my chance taken away in college and haven’t had any action ever since.
If I had to choose now, I’d rather have magic powers than the pregnancy scare.
I’m in a similar(worse) situation but I would take it as them saying that their dating approach probably wouldn’t be a good fit for me and my situation. So you have to find another way. For example, I have a friend that was also struggling and a late bloomer and he had to get a terrible low wage job at a store, but it turned out to bring with it a community of new friends, drama, and a way to meet and talk to new people regularly. After a few months there a coworker girl who was friendly with him asked to be his girlfriend, and now he’s doing a lot better.
I’m also close to becoming a wizard.
Definitely are missing out. Sex is awesome with the right partner. Just if you’re talking about hook ups then you’re not really missing out that much. Unless you are cuz the hookup could’ve been great. But typically not.
I always scoffed when people said that. If they were a nearly 30 year old virgin then they’d feel how I do, least those that know no longer talk about sex around me
I think the first step is to stop using the term “late bloomer”. There’s no set timeline for anything. Using that term just furthers the “old maid” stigma
Girl this whole thing is such an American/ Western European problem. The rest of the world doesn’t care. You are only missing out on this if YOU wanted it real bad. If it’s because the society tells you that you’re missing out and you are influenced by their opinion, then you aren’t. Chill some girls just wanna settle in their careers first, it’s not all about fucking and looking like you have had 10 plastic surgeries. Our generation is so fucked up.
Late bloomer here as well. I started the dating and sex thing late as well. Turns out for me, I was missing out. Infact I was slightly annoyed I didn’t make it happen sooner.
None of that will happen for me. I accept that. I just wish I had a greater understanding of myself earlier in life – it seemed that others grasped how limited my abilities to connect with others were before I did, and looking back that is what hurts more.
I will note, I skim this subreddit out of curiosity, because being in my early 30s, this is an inflection point for people where they’re having kids, or settling down, or finding themselves on the outs. I admit I’m fascinated by it – but I only post in threads like this, about people that don’t have the experience and are trying to work through those feelings because this is something I know.
I’m only 20 and I absolutely feel like missing out as well. I never even kissed a girl at all. I just can’t break through all the stigma and fear
Silver lining, a wizard is never late, nor are they early…
I mean… do you want them to say “yes! You are totally missing out!”? Haha. I think these rants and complaints are probably best shared with other single people who understand what you are going through. If you want advice or guidance from your dating/ in a relationship friends, I would ask specific questions or for advice. Whenever people vent to me about these things, I don’t know what to say other than “I’m sorry that sucks.”
So I was a somewhat late bloomer, and I’ve been intentionally celibate for the last few years. I’m not saying that sex sucks or anything but, as a woman, what is actually stopping you from going out and have ONSs like your friends, if you’re really trying to lose your virginity? Like why do you feel bitter about your friends talking about going out and having sex if you don’t want the same, when they’re validating that you don’t want to by saying you’re not missing out?
In my opinion, the danger aspect and the “games” of modern dating aren’t something I’m really willing to participate in right now, so I’ve been single a while. But if I REALLY wanted to have sex, it’s ridiculously easy to find a guy who wants to hook up with no strings. I just can’t wrap my head around this mindset.
Late bloomer, late twenties male. Focus too much on “missing out” and you’ll miss what matters, you. Your own timetable and expectations and initiative is yours to set.
Stay aligned with your moral compass, Let the hypocrites keep making mistakes
You ain’t, I literally just had to turn a girl down cause she was too drunk and got punched in the dick for it. Not being in those situations would be better
I’m 25f and at this point i could care less. If it happens it happens.
Yeah, you missed, so what?
You will make nothing out of wondering and crying over what ifs
I think working on your looks and personality goes very far. Try at home practicing being bubbly and outgoing and then gradually step that outgoing bubbly attitude to strangers online. Hit the gym 2-3 x a week. Get your hair and nails done, if you can afford it get your eyelashes done. Buy a good lipliner and lip gloss, practice highlighting techniques with foundation. Do stomach crunches a few times a week. Deep breathing yoga before bed, try and eat healthy. They have protein yogurt, protein English muffins. Practice walking like you are all that cause you are. Give off the vibe that you are sexy af and you can have anyone. Things will turn around for you I guarantee it with these steps
That one, or “you have plenty of time!”
You don’t know that. No one knows how much time we have. You want to find your happiness right now and that’s valid. Someone coming over the top and saying it isn’t is fucked up and, in my experience, constant.
You’re not a late bloomer, you’re just someone who hasn’t had a relationship or sex yet and thats totally fine. Everyone has their own timeline. People are going to have their own opinions, some will encourage the idea of you being in this situation.. while others may look at you funny because of your lack of “experience.” Either way, people will have something to say. Besides, if the person really likes you the whole “experience” bullshit won’t matter as much. You’re a person, not a job resumé. Most friends I know who are in relationships have told me that they take work because you won’t always agree on things, and may have to make compromises whether you have experience or not, but they’re still going strong.
It sucks because while timing in and of itself may not matter to you, if you’re hitting your late 20s or early 30s without having had partners, this will be counted against you for future partners because nobody wants to be the “training ground” for someone with no experience; it’s the classic *”need work experience to get a job”* and it does indeed s*uck.*
29f here. I know how you feel. Recently i went on a meeting with someone ive met online. It was quite bad and draining. One of the red flags was he lied about his age. Welp ive deleted all my date aps an accepted tht i might just be by myself for a long time
Everyone said their 30s were the best years of their lives when I was approaching my 30s. Now everyone says their 40s were the best years of their lives as I approach 40. I don’t want your COPIUM, just let me accept that this is all life has to offer and let me wallow in it.
Don’t let anyone’s opinions on dating…..stop you from dating
I personally don’t understand the rush to loose your virginity. I am not a late bloomer but I didn’t loose it until after high-school and in college. Trust me a lot of people aren’t worth it in the long run, when you have your first time they imprint on you and if you’re 28 and have sex for the first time that’s special. I wish is was 28 and a Virgin. And when they say you’re not kissing our on much it’s to say sex isn’t all that, intimacy is what you want.
Yeah, it’s hard to talk about, for sure. A friend asked me what I usually did for first dates, and I didn’t really know how to say I haven’t been on many. Even the 3 I’ve been on really stretches the definition of date.
Bad friends. Real friends would include you more in social functions to meet the same slutty guys they meet. Cut most my friends off because they were seeing more girls than they knew what to do with and wouldn’t point any in my direction. Real friends don’t let their friends starve.
The simple fact is that having earlier exposure would have benefitted us and our development. And the consequences of delaying entering the dating scene are beginning to hurt.
I too am late bloomer and now I am just confused whether to just do it or wait for the one. But lately I’ve been feeling every girl is the one. I guess my subconscious is desperate now lol.