I feel severely limited right now. After traveling the world and pursuing three careers, I’m now 36 and starting to feel the pressure of age, and suddenly all I want to do is please mom and dad by starting a family and doing the white picket fence thing. But I feel like I’m rushing into things for them.
I have lots of interests, opinions and ideas they wouldn’t approve of, so I self-censor around them 24/7.
It’s affecting my choices in dating, where I live, how many children I have, etc. I feel a huge amount of guilt for not doing exactly what they hope I’ll do in any arena. If I don’t live close enough to them, I feel guilty, if I don’t end up having enough kids I’ll feel guilty, if I don’t raise my children the way they want I’ll feel guilty, etc.
I am consumed by anxiety and can’t think straight. I feel lost and fractured. I can’t distinguish between what I’m doing for myself anymore vs what I’m doing for them.
Is this normal or am I screwed up?